This fanfic was brought to you by: Rice Ruroni - the Hitokiri treat Chaos: ^-^ "We're back! And have we got a fic for you readers this time! Suspense, drama, action, comedy, and we actually manage to do nothing to promote the plot at all in this part! Tell them, Pesti- chan!" [Chaos looks around, only to see a deserted obligatory intro. bit.] Chaos: ^^;; "Ano...Pesti-chan? Pesti-chan?" Dark Mayhem: "He and Demolition are taking care of that *ahem!* problem." Chaos: o.O;; "Oooooh, that. So what are we going to do with the opening segment?" Dark Mayhem: "What are you looking at me for? I'm not doing it!" Chaos: "Maybe I could tell everyone about my top secret plan to steal Beans' lake god by sucking it up with a sponge!" [Cue the terrified flying octopus that smacks Chaos in the face!] Chaos: "I think there's a leak in my spy network." Dark Mayhem: "Yeah. It's in that space between your ears." Chaos: "You mean the one I rented out?" Dark Mayhem: ^^v "Isn't he great, folks? And he'll be here for the entire fanfic too!" Carnage: [sauntering in] "So how are Pesti-chan and Demo-chan doing?" Dark Mayhem: "No word yet. It must be more serious than we thought." Carnage: "So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?" Chaos: "I know! We could watch this Anime video I just picked up from the store!" [Chaos quickly wheels in a portable entertainment system and pops in the tape. Two minutes of play later....] Chaos: "So, what do you think of the movie?" Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "Chaos, you moron, this video's dubbed in Zentradi!" Chaos: ^^v "Daijobu! It's got a Raalgon subtitle option!" [Cue the facevaults!] Dark Mayhem: "I guess we'll do the obligatory recap stuff somewhere in the first scene to this turkey. We might as well cue the fic then, once the others get back anyways." [Pesti-chan & Demolition walk in!] Carnage: "So, how'd it go?" Pesti-chan: [handing Carnage a toilet seat] "Don't ask." Carnage: [sweatdrop!] "......" [Cue the fic!] The Super-Deformed Gang's All Here. FANBOYS IRRELEVANT, F9: KOF (KING OF FANFICS)!!! Part III: The Replacement Fanboys Hysteria: ^-^ "Hai! And to celebrate the kawaii little replacement- chan, let's have a kawaii little tea party-chan and read Hysteria's latest kawaii little fic-chan: Astroboy Detective Conan!" At the risk of stating the obvious, Hysteria was unceremoniously punted out of the apartment. "Uberkawaii twit," Demolition muttered as he dusted his hands off. "I vote she's the first one we replace." "Osamu Tezuka's rolling in his grave thanks to that Hysteriafic of hers," Dark Mayhem agreed as he finished up prepping for dinner in the kitchen. "Gentlemen," he announced proudly. "I present to you the true feast of otakings: our Chinese takeout shall arrive shortly!" Fanboys: ^-^ "Wai!" It was proving to be quite the eventful fic. Gone were the pointless rantings, and a decent yet engrossing plot had been put into their place. Well, actually there still are a lot of pointless rantings and it's a half-assed plot at best. But since when did a plot ever contribute to the integrity of a story? Certainly not with almost every hentai Anime out there! Anyhoo, having retired to their apartment in the aftermath of Nehelenia's Mirror Paradery attack, the fanboys opted to unwind by watching a pay-per-view cage match between Escaflowne's resident psychopath Dilandau, and Outlaw Star's equally freaky Harry MacDougall. Currently it appeared as if both combatants had managed to severely injure each other, and were stumbling around the ring, shrieking wildly. Dilandou: "My face!!" Harry MacDougall: "My arm!!" Dilandou: "My face!!" Harry MacDougall: "My arm!!" Carnage: --;; [aiming his Buster Beam] "Let's just put them both out of our misery...." Chaos: o.O "Kyaaaaa! Shoot the freak boys, not the TV, Carnage! Shoot the freak boys, not the TV!" "At least it's not a triple-threat with Shinri Shiogami from Nazca," Pesti-chan sighed as he reclined on one of the couches. He turned and glared at Chaos, who was busy bandaging himself up from his F9! II wounds. "And you so much as mention that 'Nazca of the Valley of the Reincarnated Inca Wind' fic...!!" A battered Chaos stuck his tongue out at Pesti-chan. "That lynch mob just had a case of temporary insanity. They'll be back in a few hours to bow before my writing skills. Just wait and see." "Somehow I don't think I'll be holding my breath," Demolition retorted. "Chaos, your fics have all the depth of Mariah Carey's latest album...or any of her albums for that matter." Chaos beamed. "Thank you!" "Baaaaaaaka," the fanboys chorused, turning back to the cage match. Moments later the two freaked out combatants were annihilated by a Satellite Strike, the channel going to static. The logo of an evil SD Largo (clad in a red cape) atop a chibified orbital platform appeared with the caption: 'we are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.' "I had thirty thousand yen on that match," Dark Mayhem stated, eyes narrowing at Carnage. An impish grin appeared on his face. "Fortunately, I saw this coming and bet it all on you." Still rather blase about the whole thing, Carnage lifted one of his hands and gave the V-sign. "Glad to be of assistance." "I don't know if I can take much more of this fic," Chaos pouted, tenderly feeling the numerous bumps on his head. "Now that Hotaru's become Sailor Saturn, she can inflict a lot more damage on me. And just why did Naoko have to give her a whip?!" "Karma?" Pesti-chan ventured. He got clobbered by a flying cow moments later. Chaos sniffed indignantly as he turned away from the pile of legs and udder sticking up from the overturned couch. "It's not exactly like I *asked* to be her girlfriend. First I get saddled with an alleged Lolita Complex, but now I have to contend with a Senshi who can go into dominatrix mode!" Dark Mayhem ominously leaned over Chaos' shoulder. "And if you EVER piss her off on a date and cause her to use Death Reborn Revolution," he growled. "I'm going to find you in whatever Anime afterlife you're hiding in, and let Naoko get Red Queen on your ass." Chaos: o.O; [kawaii kitty ears] "Kowai!" "Like it's any better for the rest of us," Carnage said as he changed the channels to something a little more view-friendly. Namely the EVAtubbies. EVA 01 (it's the big purple one, you newbie twit!) was happily being Tinky Winky as it ran around with its purse. And the chibi-Ayanami sun goddess burbled with glee. Carnage shook his head and groaned at yet another set of stolen SD Deathscythe-chan boxers. "We've now got a bishounen ai terrorizing the male cast--namely me." Chaos: --;; "And me." Dark Mayhem: --;; "And me." Pesti: --;; "And me." Demolition: ^^v "I'm safe!" Fanboys: [grrr!] "Shaddup!" "Not to mention we've still got Nehelenia to contend with," Pesti-chan added as he pushed the couch back to its former and upright position. "And I'm not exactly sure I trust those two guys in the Students Council." "*Any* group that features Pan-chan and her naughty tentacles of justice isn't exactly something to trust," Demolition stated, shuddering at the thought. "We're just lucky there's so many catatonic students for her to contend with. Otherwise she'd be giving us strip searches all the time." Dark Mayhem headed back to the kitchen. "And with your disorder, that's a bad thing?" he remarked over his shoulder. "It's not like she's the one stripping down for me," Demolition grumbled. "Touche." Chaos changed the channels on the TV yet again to something a little less eyebrow twitch-inducing. Namely Sesame Street Fighter. SuperGrover was currently kicking Blanka the Grouch's green ass, as the alphabet song played in the background. And who says shonen Anime isn't educational? "Speaking of nekkid flashes," Chaos said. "What exactly are we going to do about those two?" Everyone glanced back to the other couch, which had the two Havocs twitching slightly and staring at the room with a glazed, vacant look in their teary Bambi eyes. Havoc-kun: @.@ "Panties...panties for Havoc?" Havoc-chan: @.@ "Rule 3 for Havoc-chan?" "The same thing happened in F5! right before the Dragon Bra Bug," Dark Mayhem remarked nonchalantly. Demolition nodded and then paused in confusion. "Dragon...Bra Bug?" "Like we need a repeat of that; that stupid bug's what got Hotaru glomping onto me in the first place," Chaos lamented, taking his one arm out of its sling and testing it out. The limb was working great until Rampage came hopping along and then decided to snack on it. Naturally, Chaos freaked and ran right into the wall. Nobody paid much attention. Pesti-chan looked at the others, a worried expression on his face. "You know, at this rate I don't think either of the perverts will survive to the end of this fic." "Daijobu," Dark Mayhem said in a soothing voice. "Havoc has already ensured that we will give him the finest funeral an uberperv like him deserves." Carnage perked up with an optimistic smile. "I get to fire him out of the Galaxy Gun?" Demolition answered that with a derisive snort. "Ha! Odds are his Cream Lemon would have already hit the rigormortis stage, and instead of fluffy white stuff we'd get blocks of frozen whipped cream slicing the city apart." Carnage: --;; "Fireball." Demolition: ^-^ "Payback." Desolation: [wheeling a propane tank through the front door] "Say, any of you guys know how to light a gas barbe--?" *FWOOSH!* "According to his last will and hentaiment," Dark Mayhem said as he walked in front of the large Deso-shaped scorch mark on the front door. "Havoc wants to be laid to rest in a Viking longboat filled with his favourite panties from his collection...as well as lots of Jello and a copy of his unfinished work 'Ah! Megumi-sama!'" A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' head. "Any particular reason as to why?" Dark Mayhem shrugged. "He wants to go to the hallowed halls where all warrior perverts go when they die: Pervhalla." [Cue the facevaults!] "I don't see what all the fuss is," the uber exploder fanboy remarked, stepping over the twitching bodies of Chaos, Pesti-chan and Carnage. "Ami-chan and I booked a room there over six months ago, for whenever this series eventually ends." Demolition could only shrug as he changed the channels yet again on the television to a less gag-inducing program. Namely Kodamas in Pyjamas. Kodama #1: [rattling its head] *CLIK CLIK CLIK-CLIK...CLIK* Subtitle: "Ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin' of, K2?" Kodama #2: [rattling its head] *CLIK-CLIK...CLIK...CLIK* Subtitle: "I certainly am, K1!" Both Kodamas: *CLIK-CLIK-CLIK...CLIK CLIK-CLIK* Subtitle: "Kick Lady Eboshi's butt!" "Looks like we might be closer to the end of the series than you think," Demolition remarked. "We've got three different plot lines going simultaneously, and the author doesn't seem very bent on resolving any of them in the near future." "Sure, the fic might be going to hell in a complimentary fruit basket," Chaos stated calmly. "But you know what: that doesn't worry me. You want to know why?" "No," the others chorused. [Chaos walks into the dining area...where a tuxedo-clad Nakago is playing a song from "Annie" on a grand piano.] Chaos: [taking a microphone as a spotlight comes on him] "After all...the fic will come out, tomorrow!" Pesti: "Ano...Chaos?" Chaos: ^^ "Bet your 5-yen coin that there...will be a fic." Pesti: --;; "Chaos?" Chaos: "Tomorrow! To--what? You're ruining my song?" Pesti: "Chaos, at the rate this story is going, F9! might be our last one. There may be no more fic after this." Chaos: o.O; Carnage: [looking at the piano] "How'd that suddenly get into the dining room?" Dark Mayhem: "At least it didn't crash through the ceiling like most everything else." "If you guys don't mind," Nakago said, standing up from the piano bench to display his mauve, discount tuxedo. "I'd like to take the time to perform a special romantic number for all my fans: Blue Eyes Blue, from my Fushigi Yugi character album." All the other lights in the apartment faded, except for one that stayed on Nakago. He suavely walked over to Chaos, grabbed the microphone, and then used his chi power to catapult the hapless fanboy into the kitchen sink. Turning to his audience, Nakago gave a quick pat on the mic to ensure it was working, and then belted out his song in a loud and rather off-key voice. "Blue Eyes Bluuuueeeee!" he crooned. Demolition's eyebrow involuntarily twitched as he watched the Sieryu Seishi do his song. "Lucifer he's not." "But he's better than SMAP," Dark Mayhem offered. Pesti-chan just shook his head while reaching for anything with a high dose of alcohol in it. "It's like watching a lounge lizard at work." "Then maybe I should squash him," Carnage remarked, cracking his knuckles. Pesti-chan gave Dark Mayhem a questioning look. "Hey, newts are not lizards!" the uber exploder fanboy snapped. "Lizards are reptiles, and I'm part amphibian, okay?!" "That still doesn't stop you from singing 'Lalala, Never Give Up' in the bath at the top of your lungs," Pesti-chan muttered darkly. Dark Mayhem took the jab in stride, swiftly punting Pesti-chan into the wall. 6 SD Pesti-chans tumbled onto the floor in a dazed heap immediately after the unceremonious impact with the wall. SD Pesti #6: [atop the other Pesti-chans] "Ya call that a smite, you purple-haired, self-inserted idiot?!" [Cue Dark Mayhem punting the piano onto them!] Other SD Pesti's: [grrrr!] "Stop encouraging him, dammit!" Suddenly the front door was kicked open, and in staggered Anarchy and Tasuki from their latest Sake-drinking and karaoke bar- terrorizing binge. Tasuki was in rather high (and highly inebriated) spirits as he shouted, "Now this is my kinda way to spend a--!" But right at that exact moment he spotted Nakago. Tasuki: o.O "Blondie!" Nakago: o.O "Fang-boy!" Nakago's eyes narrowed as the kanji for "mind" appeared on his forehead. "I will have no one disrupting my character song. And this time Tamahomo's not around." Anarchy's eyes narrowed as she realized Nakago was powering up for an attack. "Nobody hurts the guy who's paying for all my Sake in this series!" she snarled. "Yeah!" Tasuki ardently agreed. "Nobody hurts the--(o.O;) I'm paying for ALL your Sake?!" Chaos nervously looked from Anarchy to Nakago. "They are going to try and destroy each other." "And just destroy us instead," Demolition added, quickly scribbling some writing on a demon ward. "Maybe I can create a barrier to protect me." "What about the rest of us?" Chaos exclaimed. "Like I said, maybe I can create a barrier to protect me," Demolition replied, sticking the wards all around the kitchen. "These abs didn't get so muscular by themselves. Do you have any idea how many Orcs and dragons I had to kill, the experience levels I had to gain for this physique?" A sweatdrop appeared next to Chaos' face. "Demolition has gone bye-bye, Mayhem. Any other ideas?" "There's only one thing that can save us," Dark Mayhem stated. He quickly stepped up beside Nakago, and handed the Seiryu Seishi a large Suoh plushie. "Hold this," he stated. Nakago abruptly powered down, a confused look on his face as he studied the oversized plushie. "What the?" Dark Mayhem: "HI, SUOH-CHAN!!" Hysteria: ^-^ [smashing through her door in a mad dash] "Suoh-chan Suoh-chan Suoh-chan!!" Nakago: o.O;; At the risk of stating the obvious, Nakago was no longer going to be a reoccurring character in this fanfic, now chained along with Tora at Hysteria's kawaii little tea part table-chan. And there was much kawaii frilly apron-wearing. Nakago: [sweatdrop!] "What's with the French Poodle cut?" Tora: --;; "Shut up, nancy-boy." Anarchy rolled her eyes and dragged Tasuki down Sarcasm's bishounen den for the usual all-nite jacuzzi binge, once again proving that even though she was rather peripheral to any plot, she could kick anyone's ass on a whim. Despite the fact that Dark Mayhem was the one who had intervened this time. So she didn't really prove anything. Um...is there some other upstanding moral to the last two pages that we can think of? Anyone? Anyone at all? You there, third otaku to the left! Speak up and be heard! Jinnai: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of El Hazard? Only the Shadow People know. Bwah ha...bwah ha hah...Bwah hah ha ha hah HAH HA HAH HA HA HAH!!!!" Um...yeah. Okay. Maybe we should just cue the next scene instead. * * * Once again, Tokyo was in trouble because a lone Boomer had decided to go postal on GENOM. And naturally, the AD Police department had arrived just in time to get their Kevlar-clad butts kicked across most of the street. But this was a part of AD Police protocol, which contractually obligated them to get throttled with embarrassing ease. With a mighty roar, the mutated cybernetic Boomer stood up on its hind legs and howled amidst the flames and mass destruction around it. Leon loaded up his 3-shot revolver, partially wishing this was in some way related to an F! File. They could have definitely used Commander Pandemonium's naughty tentacles of justice right about now...not to mention her arm-mounted rocket launchers. Another AD Police cruiser swerved onto the street, its sirens blaring and lights flashing. Despite knowing how much his insurance premiums would skyrocket (much akin to how Chaos' li'l body would skyrocket into low orbit via punting, once his "Excelion Saga" fic hit the fanfiction.net website), the rookie officer floored his cruiser right at the Boomer. The Boomer lumbered as it turned around, its dead robotic eyes caught in the headlights. Then it just casually sidestepped the cruiser, the AD Police car driving straight past the nonchalant Boomer before crashing into a china store. Yet the Boomer's moment of glory was doomed to be short-lived. Atop one of the nearby roofs, four Knight Sabres in their hardsuit battle armour watched the fracas down below. AD Police officers were scattering like otaku encountering Hysteria's "Marmalade Boy Detective Conan" fic. "Well, I suppose we should go down and help them," Linna remarked from inside her hardsuit. "Give us the command, Sylia." Sylia: [striking a dramatic pose] "Knight Sabres, sangai!" Nene: [sweatdrop!] "Um...Sylia, shouldn't it be 'sanyo'? Sangai means havoc." [Priss growls as she stomps over to Sylia's hardsuit, and pops the helmet off to reveal--!] Havoc-kun: ^-^ "Oro?" Priss: --;; "I should have known." Havoc: [shifting around in the hardsuit] "My hips are chaffing in this." "Not you again!" Nene cried out in dismay. "What have you done with Sylia?" Havoc shrugged as he undid the rest of the hardsuit. "Nothing that hasn't already been done in Bubblegum Pink." NeNe blushed upon hearing that. "Oh." "Speaking of all things ecchi," Linna added, removing her own helmet. "What happened about last night? We waited for you in the Silky Doll for over an hour! By that time we started the Rule 3 orgy all by ourselves!" Havoc laughed in embarrassment. "Aha haaaa...that. Well, there was a little problem with my Mojo'o-sama, but it's all fixed now. In fact, Sylia's waiting for us at the Silky Doll." "What happened to Mackie?" Priss inquired sceptically. "Oh, I've arranged a blind date for him," Havoc replied with an evil chuckle. [Meanwhile, at a local restaurant.] Mackie: o.O; [staring across the table] "YOU'RE my date tonight?!" Daley Wong: ^^v "I love this OVA series." [Anyhoo....] Havoc draped his arms over NeNe and Linna, also taking the chance to cop a feel off their bosoms. With Priss' panties in his one hand, the Hentenno proclaimed, "Onwards, to answer the call of the wet n' wild!" But then suddenly an Aestevalis dropped down from the skies above, landing on half of the roof (and caving it in). A rather surprised Havoc looked up at the mecha. "That's not the Pervmobile." The cockpit hatch opened up with a hiss of air, and out from it emerged Carnage. "It's a good thing I came by!" he exclaimed, climbing down the mobile suit. "Havoc, I've noticed that you've been having too many lemon scenes as of lately." "I have?" Havoc asked, warily leaning away from Carnage. Carnage nodded, slapping Havoc on the shoulder. "You see, Havoc, fanfiction is all about balance. There's a time for lemons, and there's a time for fics. You can't be having sex all the time and neglecting our series." A still bewildered Havoc was led away by Carnage, leaving a stunned group of horny Knight Sabres behind. Not exactly sure what sort of protest he should voice, if any, Havoc let himself be shoved into the Aestevalis' cockpit. The Aestevalis took off, making its way back to the fanboys' apartment. "Konban wa!" Carnage called out to the other otaku as he escorted Havoc through the front door. Chaos, Pesti-chan, Dark Mayhem and Demolition all waved from where they were watching Anime. Carnage: [gesturing to Havoc] "Guys, I brought along Havoc. He's been having way too much hentai." Chaos: >.< "WHOA!" Demolition: [wince!] "Oh, that's harsh, Havoc." Pesti: [sigh!] "I know what that's like!" Dark Mayhem: [tossing Havoc some Hard Lemonade] "Here, have some alcohol. We were just about to get into some plot exposition. You're welcome to join us." Havoc: ^-^ "Hai! Thanks for saving me from all those self-gratuitous lemon scenes, guys." [Cue Havoc suddenly waking up!] Havoc: o.O;; "Kyaaaaaaa!! Oh, what a horrible dream!" [Abruptly the bedside phone rings.] Havoc: [picking up the receiver] "Moshi Moshi?" NinNin: "I want the sploot!" Havoc: --;; "You can't handle the sploot!" * * * After learning about the attack of the mirror paradery, the Sailor Senshi were on stand-by alert. Their evening meeting, however, had turned up nothing. Rei for one was still taking the threat seriously and after the meeting came to meditate in front of the sacred fire. With any luck she'd catch a glimpse or a vision of the culprit behind this. Or she might get some ecchi glimpse of Carnage in the shower again. Miyu: "Don't get your hopes up, pyro-girl." Rei: --;; "Hey, get out of my thoughts!" Miyu sighed as she floated down on the floor, and took a sat across from Rei. Moments later the freaky li'l shinma bunny (with one dilated pupil in very sore need of some eyedrops), Shiina, hopped onto her lap. "You have that Grub guy around here too?" Rei asked. "His name is Larva," Miyu stated icily, her golden eyes narrowing. Rei just shrugged and relaxed her sitting position. As it was somewhat hot in the room, she loosened the folds of her miko's kimono slightly. "So what did you want to talk about?" "Carnage, naturally," Miyu replied. "Look, I've played the cute little vampire shinma girl long enough. You want to date him, you'll have to go through me first." Upon hearing that, Rei laughed and drew out a demon ward from somewhere in the folds of her kimono. She brandished the inked paper as if to stick it to Miyu's forehead. "Sounds simple enough." Suddenly Miyu snatched the demon ward from Rei's hand and used it to blow her nose. "Arigato!" she said with an impish smile, handing the used ward back to Rei. "These cool evenings are the worst for runny noses." "That was so not funny," Rei stated, making a face and discarding the demon ward. "And why do you get first dibs on him? He's my Akito-chan too! At least I'll age along with him. Twenty years from now you'll still look like jailbait." Miyu giggled and glanced down at Shiina. "Did you hear that, Shiina? It seems she's forgotten I can make him into a vampire, as immortal as I am." "Ano...you just give people beautiful fantasies to live in when you take their blood," Shiina piped up, scratching her head in confusion. Miyu swatted the rabbit-like youma. "Shut up, Shiina." "Well, what do you see in him?" Rei asked the vampire princess. Miyu looked at her in mild surprise. "Go on, tell me," Rei insisted. "I want to see why you're so bent on dating Akito-chan." After a moment or two of consideration, Miyu answered, "Carnage is just so cute when he's panicky or in an irate SD mode, but he's got so much demon potential in him. When I first showed up, I'd almost mistaken him for a malevolent shinma. Now I realize he's just a malevolent fanboy. Either way, I'm a sucker for those cute badboy types, since most of the pleasant innocent ones I encounter always wind up as youma fodder." She then added as an afterthought. "I also like the smell of his aftershave." [Fanboy's note: Eau de Taurus, anyone?] "And here I always thought that smell was from his Zechs Wax," Rei muttered to herself. With Miyu's prodding of returning the favour, she considered why she liked Carnage so much. "It's the hair. Definitely the hair," she explained. "I love styling it. And I've got a thing for anyone who can literally play fire like I do. Plus he's got a nice bare chest." Miyu looked surprised. "Really? I've heard he shaves it every night with a Zanba sword." "No kidding!" Rei laughed. "I'd always heard he used a beam sabre to do that!" For one brief moment they both shared in some girlish laughter, blushing slightly. And then they immediately scowled and tried to roast their rival with a rampant fireball. However, the only thing that suffered any injury was the floor polish. "It's obvious neither of us are going to bend," Miyu sighed, closing her fist and snuffing out the fireball in her palm. "I guess we'll just have to settle this once and for all." "My pleasure," returning the glare. The two immediately set out for a best 2-out-of-3 match in Jun Ken Po, winner take Carnage. Take him to where...we'll leave that up to your imagination, even though odds are it would involve a make- out/flambe session in the backseat of a Gundam. Unexpectedly, one of the screens was slide aside to reveal Setsuna. Dressed in some rather casual clothes, she removed her sunglasses and smiled pleasantly at Rei. "Konban wa. I'm not disturbing you, am I?" Rei faltered in a response; the Outers rarely ever came here on personal visitation, and even at tonight's meeting it had only been the Inners attending. "S-Setsuna? What are you doing here?" Setsuna gave a quick glance around the room, but the expression on her face showed that whatever she'd come looking for wasn't in the room. "Either of you seen Havoc?" she asked. Having been around the fanboys long enough, this sort of question from Setsuna of all women surprised Rei & Miyu. They stared at her in mild confusion. "He hasn't been around for the past few days," Rei said. Miyu nodded in agreement. "Have you checked Planet Hentai?" Setsuna winced as she heard Planet Hentai get mentioned. "Er...he's not around there, I can assure you. Do either of you know where I might find him?" "You could try the apartment Akito and the guys live at," Rei suggested. "Other than that, knowing Havoc he's liable to be stealing panties all over the city." Setsuna opened her mouth as if to say something, but then abruptly stopped. "Oh. Well, if he does come bounding around, could you tell him I was looking for him?" And with that she quietly left the Fire River temple. Rei wordlessly nodded, her jaw hanging open. Miyu blinked a few times but was unable to say anything. Hopping around on the floor, Shiina remarked, "Was it just me, or did she sound disappointed in not finding Havoc here?" * * * It was six forty-five in the morning. Time for the fanboys to rouse themselves and get ready for yet another school day. A groggy Pesti-chan's eyes fluttered open as a small Piyo Piyo alarm clock went off. He lifted his head and rubbed his eyes, the previous night's activities a distant blur after the sixth bottle of Sake. He rolled himself from off the kitchen counter and shuffled to the fridge. Upon opening the fridge door, he encountered Desolation's severed head, sitting on the shelf above the vegetable crisper. Desolation's head: ^-^ "Hell of a night, ne?" Pesti: [groggily nodding] "I'll say. Where's your body?" Desolation's head: "Oh, probably somewhere out in Tokyo with a picture of my head and a 'Missing' sign." [But in actuality....] "Whaddaya mean I've got another one?!" Ranma shouted angrily. "I can barely handle three fiances plus Kodachi, let alone anyone else! And...and this?!" Genma Saotome sighed and gestured to the Tendo Dojo's newest guest. Ranma and Akane were still both in shock, gawking at the sight in front of them. With a diplomatic clearing of the throat, Genma awkwardly began. "You see," he explained. "Ten years ago I sold your nuptial agreement for a bowl of ramen. This is your new fiance, Ranma." Desolation's decapitated body: [tapping its foot] "......" Kasumi: "Oh my. This will put a crimp in my date with Deso-chan tonight." [Anyhoo!] Pesti-chan shrugged and fished out a bottle of Hard Lemonade. "Wu's will be Wu's, I guess," he yawned. "Could you give me a hand?" "Hai!" Desolation opened his mouth and then chomped down on the bottlecap before effectively popping it off. "Thanks," Pesti-chan said, closing the door behind himself. He stumbled out from the kitchen just in time to hear the Fairy GodBabbit exclaim, "Hey, look at that! The inside light really does turn off when you close the door!" Grabbing himself a bowl of Martian Successor Nabisco cereal, Pesti-chan surveyed the shambles that had been their living room. Suffice to say, they all had decided to bravely face their written destiny...and get absolutely smashed while watching Anime. Avatars, hardshell & DVD cases, and bottles of Sake were laid out in scattergore fashion. Dark Mayhem was sleeping with his back on the floor, his legs sticking up in the air and a slumbering Catastrophe-chan cuddled up on his stomach. Oddly enough, Dark Mayhem was the one happily sucking on the pacifier. Demolition was sprawled out belly-down on one of the couches...well, half of him anyways. His legs were dangling over the edges, pieces of battle armour littering the floor around him. Carnage was clinging tenaciously to his beam cannon, using it as a pillow. And Chaos was sleeping atop the bigscreen TV set, one arm and leg dangling over the front. He was still notably wearing a slinky blue cheongsam he had borrowed from Usagi a few nights prior. Don't ask. However, it appeared that Pesti-chan wasn't the only one up this early in the morning. His eyebrow twitched as he saw a lone Havoc-kun sitting there at the dining room table, hunched over what looked to be a bowl of Cream Lemon. The former uberperv was busy sculpting something...rather phallic out of his Cream Lemon breakfast. As if sensing he was being watched, Havoc looked up at Pesti-chan with a perfectly calm expression on his face. Havoc: "This means something. This is important." Pesti: ^-^;; "Oooooh yeah, he's snapped." Downing the contents of his Hard Lemonade bottle in about ten seconds and then devouring his cereal, Pesti-chan decided that it was time to get the plot moving once more. Getting Dark Mayhem awake proved childishly simple, if one knew what sort of ecchi Ami-chan photos to have developed. Of course, Catastrophe-chan wasn't too thrilled about the spontaneously combusting fireball, and immediately sought shelter with someone else. Namely, Chaos. Of course, Chaos wasn't too thrilled with having a baby SD Godzilla-thingy for a mascot jumping on him, and immediately freaked and bounced into the air. He landed on Carnage. Jolted from his sleep, Carnage shouted, "My boxers, Rei! No fondling!" before accidentally pulling the trigger on the beam cannon. The apartment rumbled as a large hole was blasted through the ceiling and into the apartment above them. "Well that was surprisingly effective," Pesti-chan remarked as he watched an irate SD Carnage trying to smack Chaos down with a zanba sword. The only one left to wake up was Demolition. That proved to be easier said than done. "Yo, Demolition, get your dragon-wrestling ass in gear," Pesti- chan said, punching the RPG fanboy in the shoulder. Demolition muttered something that could have been coherent, and slapped a demon ward on Pesti-chan's head. Pesti-chan instantly cracked apart, SD #3 twitching violently as the ward refused to remove itself from his head. SD Pesti #3: x.x "Ack! Viagra! Viagra!" "Demo-san, come on!" SD Pesti #5 persisted, shaking Demolition's shoulder. "It's time for us to get up and contribute something to the plot! We have to get up and leave for Jyuban in forty minutes!" Demolition swatted the li'l Chibi-Pesti off. "There is nothing you could do that could possibly force me to get up," he slurred. "In that case," Dark Mayhem remarked nonchalantly, tossing a small manuscript onto Demolition's back. "You won't mind if we leave you with Hysteria's biographic epic on Mokona: The Dao of Puu?" Demolition: o.O;; [leaping off the couch!] "KYAAAAAA!! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!" Moments after he calmed down, Demolition glared at the uber exploder fanboy. "I can only trust you did something worse to wake up my brother?" "Does using Chaos count?" "I guess...." They stopped talking as the front door suddenly swung open. In stumbled Havoc-chan, looking completely in shock and covered from head to toe in Cream Lemon. "What the hell happened to you?" Carnage asked as he tried to stuff Chaos between the cushions of the nearest couch. Havoc-chan made her way towards the kitchen, a white and creamy trail left in her wake. "I...I went out to buy a panty from one of those used panty vending machines down the street," she said in a distant voice. "And then...boom." She clapped her hands together. "I got run over by an out-of-control Chibi-Havoc tsunami." Everyone gawked at this latest turn of events. "Masaka!" Pesti-chan exclaimed. "You mean you can buy panties from vending machines in Japan, and no one told me about this?!" The other fanboys slowly looked at him. "Number Three talking there," he hastily added. Dark Mayhem rolled his eyes as he headed to his bedroom to change into his uniform. "I don't even know if I actually want to go outside today. Between Saturn gunning to date Chaos, Nehelenia just plain gunning for all of us *and* Havoc's mojo'o-sama running out of ammo to gun with, this can't be a good omen." One of the bedroom doors further down the hall opened up, and out bounded Hysteria. Much to everyone's annoyance, she was incredibly awake and already dressed in her fuku uniform. "Ohayo, minna-chans!" she called out, as abnormally perky as ever. "Isn't it a great, kawaii little day-chan to be alive?" Havoc-chan: x.x "Oroooo-oo-oo-oo-oo...." Hysteria: [sweatdrop-chan!] "Havoc-momma not withstanding." "How can you be so damned perky this early in the morning?" Chaos groaned, making his way to his wallscroll for a room. Hysteria pouted, taking a seat at the kitchen table. "Not all of Hysteria's days are Wedding Peachy keen-chan," she huffed. "Hysteria was up all night working on her new Pokerat fic-chan, and is crossing it with the kawaii little Sailormoon universe-chan. And Hysteria's kind of stumped." Dark Mayhem suddenly leaned out from his room, showing off an optimistic smile. "Really?" "Mayhem, she said she was stumped not stomped," Pesti-chan corrected, scratching his hair as he headed for the bathroom. "I call first dibs on the shower." The smile immediately left Dark Mayhem's face. "Oh. Well, that was a bitch of a let-down." "Anyhoo-chan," Hysteria continued, scanning the notes of her Hysteriafic. She paused to pull one of her kawaii little pencils out from her bunches of hair. "Hysteria needs help with a kawaii little name-chan for a town. Should it be PallaPalla Town, or PalletPallet Town?" Carnage glowered at her. "How about PummelPummel Town?" However, instead of taking insult, Hysteria just giggled and bounded over to the kitchen. "Carnage-poppa's so silly!" "STOP CALLING ME CARNAGE-POPPA! I DON'T CARE IF THE PATERNAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE!!" Demolition shook his head as Hysteria ducked underneath his arm. "You think maybe someone took a leak in her gene pool?" he ventured while chewing on some toast. Any reply was interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Being the closest, Demolition reached over and answered it. "Moshi moshi?" He blinked a few times in surprised when he heard who the caller was. "Um...Havoc, it's for you. It's Kintaro." Havoc-kun tried to use Kacchu Tenkin Amapantiken to snatch the phone, but only wound up snatching Rampage instead. She hooted and then licked his face before jumping off the table and searching for a ridiculously-cute mascot to snack on. Luckily for her, Rampage happened across a crashed Martian ship filled with bizarre little "Puchu" teddybears. And while Hyatt dropped dead yet again, Rampage gorged herself on the entire Puchu crew. Much rejoicing. Demolition sighed and tossed Havoc-kun the phone. "Kintaro, how are you doing?" Havoc asked into the receiver. "You perving the good fight?" But Kintaro's reply was far from cheerful. "Hentenno-sama, it's horrible!" he exclaimed. "Red Queen Kasumi's taken over Planet Hentai and turned it into a Bondage Queen Kate wetdream! The Jello wrestling pit's been drained, the private nyotaimori rooms have been replaced with dungeons and chains, and today they're auctioning off your omnilingus chair!" Havoc scowled. "Fuckleducks." "And that's not the worst of it," Kintaro added in a hushed, frightened voice. "She's writing fics! And they're just plain wrong; she's destroying the reputable name of hentai we worked so hard to erect." "Well what is she writing?" Havoc-kun asked. His eyebrow developed an unpleasant twitch as he recited the titles Kintaro named. "Sailor Munhihausen...Jojo'o-sama's Kinky Adventure...Super Taboorin?!" Demolition's jaw hung open at the last one. Hysteria shrieked and dropped her bento box onto the ground. Even Carnage froze, no longer polishing his Zanba sword. "Super what?!" Pesti-chan, Chaos and Dark Mayhem exclaimed as their head poked out of the doorways. [Fanboy's Note: Tonde Boorin refers to the wondrously suicide- inducing, magical girls Anime about a young lass who, when evil arises, turns into...well, Superpig. Gives new meaning to that whole 'This is SO wrong!' concept, ne?] "Havoc," Kintaro hissed over the phone. "I can't take much more of this. I'm losing my will to study. At this rate--er, I'm not calling anyone, Red Queen Kasumi...(o.O;) No! NO!! Not the top of the Shinjuku Towers! Nothing good ever happens on top of the Shinjuku Towers! KYAAAAA--" The line abruptly went dead. Havoc-kun lowered the receiver. "It is a dark day for Doji," he stated sombrely. Chaos: [buttoning up his jacket] "You know, I've been meaning to ask this. If Havoc's lost his perverted groove, just why was he the same old uberperv during the Halloweenfic and Rocky Haruka?" Dark Mayhem: "Chaos, you twit, those were omakefics. They happen outside the actual fanfics. Continuity doesn't mean a thing in them." Pesti: [darkly] "Like continuity has ever meant anything to our author." [Fanboy's Note: the remarks made by the fanboys about the fallibility of the author are not necessarily the views shared or endorsed by His lordship Chaos...even if he does laugh whenever someone mentions the word 'continuity.'] "He'll bounce right out of it, I'm sure," Dark Mayhem offered as he stepped out from the bathroom, partially dressed in the Jyuban male uniform. Demolition shrugged. "Look at it this way, Havoc: if it's a curse doing this, you just have to find a counter-curse or something to either seal it or break it. That's the way it works in Anime." "I'm surprised you're helping him," Pesti-chan remarked as he emerged from the shower and ducked into his room. He closed the door behind himself as he changed. "Hey, it's either him or Red Queen Kasumi running the lemon genre," Demolition stated. "Havoc's the lesser of the two evils." "Ohayo, Deso-head-poppa!" came her voice behind him, as Hysteria opened up the fridge. Deso-head: [glancing over at the Fairy Godbabbit] "I didn't know you wore your ears in curlers. How do they stay so pointy during the day?" Fairy Godbabbit: "Lots and lots of styling gel." Hysteria quickly wrapped up her kawaii little sandwich-chans for lunch and then stuffed them into her Nurse Angel Ririka bento box. However she hadn't quiet realized that Deso's severed head had spent a good portion of the night dripping blood onto them. Naturally no good could come of this. "Hysteria's ready for kawaii little school-chan!" "We're not-chan!" chorused the male avatars. * * * Heading towards Jyuban High in a cluster formation, four Inner Senshi were discussing their love lives. And especially how their respective boyfriends revelled in putting the 'fun' back into dysFUNctional relationships. "Mamoru wasn't at his apartment," Usagi said, looking more worried than ever. "I checked last night, and it seemed as if he'd been there earlier. But there was no sign of him at all. It's as if he disappeared. I'm getting really worried." She reached into her schoolbag and fished out a pair of shuriken stars. "I also found these sticking out of the coffee table. And it looked like he rummaged through his underwear drawer too." Riot: [turning to Ruckus] "Most dishonourable." Ruckus: ^^;; "Hey, I have to co-ordinate his clothes, don't I?" Riot: "You could have...if Nehelenia hadn't beaten us in Mamoru theft-fu. I shall have to refine my technique to ensure our next match will not be so easy for her." Ruckus: [eyeroll!] "Samurai." "Do you think his disappearance might have something to do with those mirror paraderies we encountered yesterday?" Makoto ventured, looking up at the blue skies overhead. "The two events seem too close to be just coincidence." She glanced over at her friends. And promptly sweatdropped in finding that none of them were paying any attention to her. "Just how far along have you and Carrot gotten anyways?" Minako was asking Ami. Ami blushed and then winked at Minako. "Oh, we've certainly had our fair share of fanservice. However...we can't get past his faulty dating chromosome. I recommended an experimental genetic treatment, but Carrot-chan freaked when the word 'sterile' was mentioned." "At least you can get a hold of him," Minako reassured Ami. "Na-chan either sploots or bounds off whenever I glomp him. Although...lately I haven't been able to find him at all." Usagi's eyes widened. "Masaka! You mean someone kidnapped both of them!" "I doubt it," Makoto countered, pointing down the street. "Here he comes with the rest of the guys." Still looking a little worse for wear from their Anime binging the night prior, the fanboys all forced a genki smile as the natural pairings off took place. Ami snuggled up next to Dark Mayhem, who tried chanting, "I will not combust, I will not combust, I will not-" *FWOOSH!* "Crap." "Daijobu," Ami-chan said as she helped wipe the ash off the uber exploder fanboy's face. "Once I remove that faulty dating chromosome from your genetic code, we'll be able to rent a room at that love hotel you pointed out last week." Demolition pouted as he watched Dark Mayhem and Ami. "Why can't I have a character defect like that?" he lamented. "At least Mayhem gets a babe. I get stuck with that Herself fairy if I'm half-lucky!" Chaos let out a bark of laughter (which no doubt frightened all the nekojin in the area). "Ha! Being single has its advantages, Demolition. At least you don't have to worry about your date giving you the bitch-slap to end the world and all other bitch-slaps." "Her newfound age and libido doesn't help you either, Chaos," Pesti-chan added, walking hand in hand with Makoto. However, he suddenly tripped over Rampage and then broke apart as he hit the ground. Makoto's eyebrow twitched as she found herself ankle-deep in a failing pile o' Pesti's. SD Pesti #4 tenaciously clung to her arm, his chibi legs kicking around in the air. SD Pesti #4: o.O;; "Kyaaaaa! I'm slipping!" Makoto: [looking at Demolition] "You see what I have to work with here." Demolition: ^-^ "Does that mean you're available?" Needless to say, Demolition was suddenly attacked by a horde of irate and jealous chibi-Pesti's. "Leave our Mako-chan alone!" they exclaimed, clamouring all over Demolition's towering stature. Not even remotely feeling their chibified punches and bootings against his armour and muscles, Demolition shook his head, and then just shook off all the Pesti-chans. Undaunted, they all encircled him and began to channel their smiting powers. SD Pesti #6: "Eat Rumblequake!" [Cue the 6 chibi-Rumblequakes converging on Demolition!] However, Demolition quickly conjured up a Raywing spell and flew up out of the way. The SD Pesti-chans' eyes bugged out as the 6 chibi-Rumblequakes collided with each other and then detonated in a rather impressive explosion. The ground beneath them shook before cracking apart and then collapsing. To make matters worse, they happened to be at the top of a sloping hill. From the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the road, the other fanboys and Inner Senshi watched as the hilltop collapsed. The subsequent landslide roared past them, all the now frantic SD Pesti-chan's caught in the avalanche. "What was that?" Usagi asked, scratching her head. "I think it's called a Rumble Bumble," Dark Mayhem glibly replied. Makoto groaned and massaged her temples as she felt another headache setting in. "I'll get the Bactine." SD Pesti #4: o.O; [going down the hill!] "TASUKETE!!!" SD Pesti #1: ;_; "Mako-chan, I regret nothing!" SD Pesti #5: [pointing at #6] "This is all *your* fault, you realize!" SD Pesti #6: [trying to climb over the wreckage to pummel #5] "My fault?! Get your ass over here, you ingenue weenie!" SD Pesti #2: [sipping tea at a nearby cafe] "They really do look like they could use some help. *shrug!* Oh well." The landslide coasted through an intersection, picking up more momentum. Cars were caught and dragged along. The ground was chewed up, water mains bursting and power poles snapped in half like toothpicks. The owners of the Cat Cafe were lucky in that the avalanche just missed the front of their restaurant by mere inches. "Shampoo, what's all that noise about?" Cologne asked, venturing out from the kitchen. Watching the spectacle from inside the cafe, Shampoo simply replied, "Kamui go kablooie, great-grandma." "Well," Dark Mayhem finally said as the dust cloud at the bottom of the hill subsided to reveal the vast extent of the property damage. "That one's definitely coming out of his paycheque." Makoto started down the sidewalk, a few steps in front of everyone else. "He was so much easier to romanticise about when there weren't six of him terrorizing the place." Right behind her, Carnage was confronted by Rei and Miyu, who demanded that he decide which of them he wanted to date the more. Of course this meant his ass would get severely kicked no matter what happened--and since this wasn't a shoujo fanfic, he didn't have the luxury of being wishy-washy and indecisive for the next 16 chapters. Lucky for him, he was spared delivering a verdict as Rei & Miyu went from giving each other raspberries to lobbing fireballs. Carnage calmly reached into his jacket and pulled out his Rei-ban sunglasses to shield his eyes from the fiery blasts. "Damn Tenchi Masaki syndrome," he sighed. "Guys, are we being too jaded about our relationships?" Chaos said to the others. "I mean, I know we're avatars, and usually avatars get whatever they want. We may be cursed, but we still are able to date the Senshi. That's got to count for something." He abruptly paused as a large series of timpani drums started being pounded, and the theme music for George of the Jungle started up. Then a loud chorus of male baritones were heard to sing, "Priss, Priss, Priss of Neo Tokyo! Strong as she can be!" [Cue Priss in her Knight Sabre hardsuit, swinging on a vine and giving her best Tarzan yell!] Male chorus: "Watch out for that Boomer!" Priss: o.O;; "As I was saying," Chaos continued as the gang stepped around the ensuing Bubblegum Crisis melee. "Even though we have gotten away with what most avatars only dream of not getting flamed for, we're still griping about the little things. Is the grass really that greener of the other side? Do we even have a right to complain? And do these slacks match my earrings?" His eyes seemed to light up with a bizarre epiphany. "We have a great, comedic series...a series we can milk...." And with that, he reverted into a cheerful SD Chaos and went skipping off down the road. "What was that all about?" Ami asked, stumped as to what had just transpired. Dark Mayhem shrugged. "Apparently Chaos was channelling a spirit of wisdom. Ne, Demolition, you want to chase after him and exorcise him for us? Ano...Demolition?" But Demolition was busy talking with Setsuna, who had just appeared out of nowhere was she was often prone to doing. "Well, Havoc was loitering around our apartment this morning," he told her. "But then the both of them just vanished right before we left. No idea where they are now." With a dejected sigh, Setsuna nodded and thanked Demolition for his help. "You seem kinda hung-up on his current situation," Demolition observed warily. "You're not actually...missing him, are you?" "N-No!" Setsuna protested, looking quite shocked and appalled that he would even think such a thing. Shrugging his shoulders, Demolition turned and started after the gang. "Ano...could you do me a favour before you go?" Setsuna called out after him. Demolition glanced back over his shoulder. "Sure, why not?" Setsuna awkwardly shuffled her feet. "Could you...um...steal my panties for me?" Demolition: o.O; "This is the greatest moment of my self-inserted life." Dark Mayhem: "Too bad the scene's about to change. The readers will never know about your one moment of glory." Demolition: >.< "KUSO!!!" * * * In an elevator, silhouetted against a blue sky, a voice spoke: "If the script's lines are not read, the fic will die without...having done something or other." The outline of Ruckus appeared, seated on the wall. "Well that was inspiring." The outline of Riot appeared opposite Ruckus. "You rather I compared us to a most dishonourable Piyo Piyo chick?" The outline of Pandemonium appeared standing behind them, even the silhouettes of her cleavage being larger than life. "Let's cut right to the action!" she proclaimed. "For the instrumentation of the fanfic!" the otaku all announced with great resolve. And so the Jyuban Student Council left the elevator and stepped into their private room. Well...they thought it was the student council room anyways. But they quickly discovered that someone had cleverly disguised the place as the fishtank from Sylia's lingerie shop, The Silky Doll. After a few moments of most honourable swim-fu (Pandemonium instantly rose to the surface since bosoms are naturally buoyant ;), the three of them swam back into the elevator and tried another button. This time the doors actually opened into the right place, dumping a large wave of water along with the three council members. Sprawled out on his chest in a puddle of aquarium water, Riot pushed aside a few octopus tentacles that were dangling in front of his eyes. "Most dishonourable." "We have seriously got to tell a repairman about that," Ruckus said, wringing out his sleeve. "Now I have to change, otherwise my Speedos will chaff me." "I didn't need to hear that!" Riot groaned. The two quickly turned their attention to Pandemonium, who was throwing a very loud hissy fit upon finding a frantic carp wedged between her cleavage, and a Megane Utsubo happily suction-cupped to her butt. "Can someone find me a salt shaker or something?" she called out to the others. And just then she noticed that two more Megane Utsubo's had happily glomped onto her breasts. Riot deliberately ignored the ensuing laser blasts, adeptly leaping out from his wet clothes and landing in a dry (but identical) uniform nearby. "Now then, if I may call the Student's Council to a most honourable order," he said, taking his seat at the table. Ruckus reclined in his own chair, whiling his time away with a blowgun. Pandemonium calmly sat down, not about to look down at the two scorch marks on the chest of her uniform. "So did you receive your letter from End of the Fic?" she asked Riot. Riot nodded. "The time has come for a most impressive showdown, as per SEELE's command. They wish to return the series back onto its true path before any more plot holes occur. We have to act fast...which is why I have already sent them a letter of challenge. Very soon we shall engage them in anything-goes, martial arts End of the Fic-fu." [Meanwhile, in the classroom....] Dark Mayhem: "What's with the note?" Pesti: "Don't know; I found it on my desk. I think it's a letter of challenge. Let's see who's it fro--" Catastrophe: *CHOMP!!* "chu chu!" Pesti: --;; "So much for that." Carnage: [waving it aside] "Aw, it probably wasn't important anyways." "Yes," Riot continued. "At the most honourable lunch hour, we shall reveal ourselves and force the fanboys to bend to SEELE's program." "When you said 'reveal'," Ruckus asked hopefully. "Does that mean--?" "No nekkid yaoi scenes, Ruckus!" Riot snapped. "Why issue a letter of challenge anyways?" Pandemonium asked. "I'm the truant officer here. I could yank them out of class and strip search them right now if I wanted to." Ruckus gestured over at Riot, was busy extolling the virtues of his masterful Zen-fu. "It's a samurai thing." * * * Not unexpectedly, pretty much the rest of the class were vegetables. Everyone was focused intently on their reflections in the mirrors. The fanboys and Senshi filtered into the room, somewhat blasé about the whole thing by now. "Whatever's causing this has to be the same person who attacked the Outers with those Mirror Paradery things," Ami said as she checked the pulse of a student. Makoto nodded, her arms crossed over her chest. "But what's the connection?" Usagi could only mourn the disappearance of her beloved Mamo- chan. "Do you think that the paradery things kidnapped him?" she asked. "So long as he wasn't catnapped, our brains our safe," Carnage muttered aside to Dark Mayhem. "That does beg the question as to how Tuxedo Kamen would look when turned into a giant helium-filled balloon," Dark Mayhem agreed. Carnage gave a wicked grin at that. "Maybe I could pop him then with my beam sabre...." Pesti-chan smacked the uber exploder fanboy's shoulder, and dragged the other otaku over to another corner of the classroom. "Guys, this is serious," he said quietly, making a cautionary glance back at the Senshi. Upon seeing the girls lost in their own conspiracy theories, he resumed talking in a hushed tone. "Because the Senshi never fought Nehelenia before, they don't know what they're up against. At this rate she's going to take over the city." "Why don't we just tell them about Nehelenia then?" Demolition suggested. The other fanboys gave him a pointed stare. "Demo-chan," Carnage stated. "They don't really know this is just a fanfic. You want to shatter them by telling them their reality just our author's twisted idea of a self-insertion fic?" "Could we get away with leaving that part out?" Pesti-chan asked. Dark Mayhem shook his head. "Doubtful. If we go to them with all this information on Nehelenia, they're automatically going to interrogate us on how we know so much. And there's bound to be one idiot here who'd let the 4th Wall slip." Everyone glanced over at Chaos, who was currently preoccupied with scribbling down some sort of travelogue data on a Palmpilot. "Hmmmm...too bad we couldn't get Pioneer to sponsor our fics," he mused to himself. "Then we could advertise complimentary hotsprings and fanservice for all the tourists...." "Anyhoo," Dark Mayhem resumed. "Technically the Senshi are the heroines of our resident Anime. If we don't want them to grill us, we have to find a way for them to think of a solution by themselves." "Without us giving away anything that incriminates us?" Pesti- chan countered. "Chaos has a better chance of writing a decent fic!" Chaos: "Hey, I'll have you know that 'The MacGyuver and his Bio- Booster Swiss Army Knife' was panned by critics as being one of the best atrocities I've committed thus far!" [Cue the facevaults!] Carnage: --;; "Does he even know what the word 'atrocity' means?" Pesti: [twitch twitch!] "He probably thinks it's the name a town located on the continent of 'Rand McNally.'" Chaos having gone back to giggle at whatever new ill-fated plan he'd devised, the fanboys were still left to find a solution to their problem. Suddenly Dark Mayhem snapped his fingers. "Of course! This is so damned easy, Crayon Shin-chan could pull it off!" "Not without showing our girlfriends his 'elephant'," Pesti- chan muttered ruefully. Dark Mayhem slapped Demolition on the shoulder. "Guess what, Demo-chan? You get to save the scene!" Demolition perked up. "Can I show them my muscular--?" "NO," the other fanboys chorused emphatically. After Dark Mayhem relayed his plan, Demolition was sent over to the circle of Senshi to tell them all about Nehelenia. Casually sorting through his demon wards like they were a deck of cards (the Oni of Clubs, anyone?), he stood just behind Ami and then nonchalantly remarked, "Say, what if the leader behind the Amazon Trio and Amazoness Quartet is responsible for this?" Naturally the Senshi just didn't seem to notice him, thanks to the Invisible Boyfriend Syndrome. However, unexpectedly Ami's eyes widened. "Ne," she exclaimed to the others, as if struck by an epiphany. "What if the leader behind the Amazon Trio and Amazoness Quartet is responsible for this?" Demolition glanced back at the fanboys. They grinned and gave him a thumbs-up. Makoto considered what Ami had said. "That would make sense. But what's the connection?" Demolition sauntered over to Minako and then remarked to the air, "This could be their bid to take over the world. Weren't they trying to find some Pegasus horse in people's dream mirrors?" "This could be their bid to take over the world," Ami said, repeating exactly what Demolition had spoken. "Weren't they trying to find some Pegasus horse in people's dream mirrors?" Minako didn't seem overly convinced, her arms folded over her chest. "I don't know," she countered. "If they were going to rip out dream mirrors, why suddenly send those mirror demons after us?" Demolition shot a quick, panicked glance back at the other fanboys. Pesti-chan immediately pulled out a large cue card for Demolition to see. "Hey, didn't Yarf-chan say something about their Master, that mirror bitch queen Nehelenia?" Pesti-chan blinked a few times and then consulted the cue card again. A sweatdrop appeared next to his head when he saw Carnage and Dark Mayhem adding their own adjectives to the cue cards in black magic marker. "Ne," Usagi remarked aloud, still working through that radical and abstract concept known as 'thinking'...thoughts. "Didn't Yarf- chan--" PallaPalla: [dropping an oversized marble on top of Havoc-kun!] "WHY DO YOU TORTURE PALLAPALLA LIKE THIS?!?!" Havoc-kun: o.O; [ack!] "What did I do?!" "--say something about their Master, that mirror bitch queen Nehelenia?" Usagi finished. Surprised at Usagi's rather crude language, the other Senshi gawked at her. She nervously giggled and defended herself by saying, "I'm hippoglycemic. If I don't eat constantly, I get a little cranky." "A little?" Makoto inquired. Ami groaned. "Usagi-chan, that's hypoglycaemia, not hippo. But you may be right. If the Quartet talked about their leader being Nehelenia, then she must be the cause of all this." Demolition nodded. "After all, we beat all her underlings." "After all," Makoto stated. "We beat all her underlings." "No doubt Nehelenia's angry about that and is starting to openly attack us for revenge," Demolition continued. "She's causing students to go catatonic when looking at mirrors, she's kidnapped Mamoru. And now she's trying to hurt us by sending out those mirror paradery demons." He then puffed out his chest. "Why, if it wasn't for that sexy Demolition and his manly abs of--" Super Gundam Crushing Press: *CRUNCH!!* Needless to say, Demolition was rendered two dimensional beneath a large Deathscythe Hell Custom statue. "Thank you," Dark Mayhem and Pesti-chan said. Holding a pan-dimensional rope hanging from the ceiling, Carnage just rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Hitpoint-obsessed twit." Minako, who had been busy repeating Demolition's monologue, abruptly paused as if her train of thought had crashed at the station and killed hundreds in innocent, bystanding brain cells. "Something wrong, Minako-chan?" Ami asked. Minako shook her head. "I don't know. Where did I leave off?" "Something to do with mirror paraderies and abdominals," Usagi replied with a shrug. "Oh...well, if I forgot about it, then it must not be very important," Minako said, dismissing the incident. Desolation: [from beneath the statue] "C-Cruel...." Dark Mayhem: "Well, Demolition's back may be broken, but it's nothing compared to what you did to his ego, Carnage." Carnage: ^-^ "What are brothers for?" Anarchy: >) "Target practice?" Pesti-chan sweatdropped upon seeing Anarchy standing with them in the classroom. "What are you doing here?" Anarchy shrugged. "Obligatory walk-on cameo. And really, do I ever need a reason?" "Usually it's just booze," Dark Mayhem piped up. "That is true," she agreed after a moment of consideration. "Rumour has it Fujisawa-sensei has a hidden Sake stash somewhere out behind the gym storage shed." Anarchy then thumbed over to a tall man in a suit, talking on a cellular phone. "Oh, and this guy followed me in." "Daijobu!" Minako cut into the conversation, strolling confidently up to the fanboys. The other Senshi were right alongside her, all of them looking triumphant. "We've got it all figured out: the leader of this Dead Moon Circus group, Nehelenia, is attacking us out of revenge. She's possessed the students, unleashed those mirror paradery thingies, *and* kidnapped Mamoru!" Ami nudged Minako in the ribs. "Don't forget to tell them about Carrot-chan's abs." Suddenly a large, demonic Demo-chan erupted from a hellish inferno behind them. "WHOSE abs?!" the youmafied fanboy bellowed. Pesti-chan promptly grabbed a demon ward hanging from Demolition's belt, and slapped it across Demolition's face. "Too bad it couldn't have been this easy for getting Teke Teke-kun back to normal." "Well, we wouldn't have had a problem if Hysteria didn't say she was jealous over Teke Teke's cute little scissor-chans," Chaos replied. "Oh, you've finally decided that being sane didn't live up to the hype, huh?" Dark Mayhem said glibly. Chaos stuck out his tongue. "Piiiida! I'll have you know that I just figured out an easy way to get some cash." "I always have lots of cash from the Anime stock markets," the uber exploder fanboy retorted. "It's a good thing all those amnesiacs don't recall how the Paradigm Corporation screwed them over, otherwise their stock would be complete shit." But Pesti-chan, as well as the Senshi, were more concerned with the Armani-clad stranger in their midst. "Who are you?" Makoto asked him. "I'm Havoc's agent," the man replied with a rather noticeably British accent. He then went back to his phone conversation. "Listen, Havoc, I'll find ya another babe to feel up. This Mojo'o-sama slump you're in won't last forever, I promise!...Come on, try to think about the positives. I'm sure you're newest fic, Doji Charat, will get rave reviews in Europe...It's not as bad as it sounds...okay, so it is." Havoc's agent abruptly paused. "Oh, not this again. Havoc, buddy, we've been through this. I'm working as fast as I bloody can...aw hell! I've got a blow-up doll in the trunk of my car! Use the damn thing already!" Everyone: o.O; "Uso." * * * Contrary to popular belief, everyone has a bit of luck in them. Though whether or not it's good or bad luck remains to be seen. And given how bad luck seemed to follow him like a puppy dog duct- taped to his pant legs, Desolation was thusly nowhere to be seen on a regular basis. Of course...whenever is able to be seen by someone, that someone is usually describing what happened to the police officer on the disaster scene. But we're going to forget about that incident involving Desolation and the tincan team of Sakura Taisen (also known as the Imperial Floral Assault Unit). Fairy Godbabbit: [perched on Deso's shoulder] "Ne, will you look at that? It's Alien with wings!" Desolation: "Actually, they're the demons in Sakura Taisen." Fairy Godbabbit: "H.R. Geiger's not going to like that copyright infringement." Desolation: "Neither will I if they try to eat my spleen again." [Desolation pauses and warily glances down at Iris Chateau- Briande.] Iris: ^-^ [hugging her teddy bear] "Deso-chan, I want to go on the ferris wheel now!" Desolation: --;; "I *am* in hell." Fairy Godbabbit: "I still can't believe Sakura convinced you to babysit Iris. Actually...I can believe why she did it. But with any luck, that demon will messily devour you, and your pain will be over." Desolation: ^-^ "Hai!" So, what were we talking about? Oh, yes, Havoc and the fact that all his perverted luck seemed to have gone right down the drain of the nearest Cream Lemon-filled jacuzzi. For the past two hours, since school had started, he'd been trapped in the gym storage shed out back. As much as he disliked admitting to it, the Hentenno was now having to hide from Miss Hinako, who was still on the prowl around the school grounds. His Mojo'o-sama had apparently left him and taken the panties with it. Planet Hentai was now being run by his arch-nemesis, Red Queen Kasumi. In fact, with his level of cursedness he was starting to make Chaos look good. Havoc-kun sat on the edge of a rolled-up floormat, sadly singing to himself, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my lemons." He glanced down at the manuscript for his latest fic, Doji Charat, and groaned. "This just isn't happening. I mean, I should know better. Randy-en-Rose?!" He hung his head dejectedly. "If Havoc-chan were around, she'd Hiryu Shoten-Bra me for certain...if either of us could still perform that attack." And then he noticed something odd about his sweater. No longer did the label read DOJI BOY. Instead, some unknown force had rearranged all the letters so his sweater now happily proclaimed YOJI BOD. Havoc grumbled and resisted the urge to tear the sweater off his chest. "Now I'm annoyed," he muttered. "This curse is really starting to irritate me." Suddenly a shadow fell over him. Instantly Ruckus pounced, dropping down from the ceiling lights above and happily glomping onto Havoc-kun's back. "Ooooh, looks like I caught myself a hottie who's skipping classes!" he exclaimed. Havoc didn't even move from where he sat. His expression showed just how unfazed he was. "Oh, goodie. You," he remarked darkly, one eye glancing back at the ninja otaku. "My fic is now just so fulfilled." Ruckus coyly ran a finger down Havoc's sweater, which now read I DO JOB Y. "Oh, I'll be filling more than just your fic." "I don't suppose I could hand you a 'Get Out Of Glomp Free' card, could I?" "Not a chance," Ruckus chuckled, blowing into Havoc's ear. "While I could take you to Pan-chan, I think I'll just handle this myself. I've been wanting to see just how good the Hentenno is for quite some time now; you have--er, had quite the reputation among the ladies." Havoc laboriously rolled his eyes. "Yes, you could ravage me," he agreed. Then he pointed across the storage shed to the large wooden frame of the Yaoi Door. "Or you could have what's behind that door. Take your pick." Of course, seeing 'yaoi' scrawled onto the door clinched it for Ruckus. With a happy bishounen ai bounce, he leapt through the air and kicked open the door. Instantly dozens of naughty tentacles uncoiled and snaked out. Ruckus shrieked in surprise as the tentacles (unfazed at being perforated with every bladed weapon known to the ninja) wrapped around him and dragged him inside. Ruckus: "Kyaaaaaaaaa!!!" NinNin: ;_; [still being abused by the tentacles] "Welcome to my world!" With an audible "thud!" the Yaoi Door slammed itself shut. Havoc sighed and shook his head. "Idiot." * * * [A few hours of utterly useless plot exposition later....] "Okay," Makoto said as the group were sprawled out on the courtyard lawn for lunch. "So we know that Nehelenia is behind all this. But the question is what do we do about it?" "How do I get my Mamo-chan back?" Usagi sniffled. Demolition offered her a hanky, and a new boyfriend. But she didn't exactly think that Masaru and the members of his Sexy Commando Club (all hail the golden, alien shoulderpads!) were dating material. "And after all that trouble I went through to get into the club too," Demolition huffed, shaking his head at Usagi's rejection. "You wouldn't believe how hard it was to defeat that Susan guy in the red mask." [Cue the facevaults!] "Refresh my memory again," Carnage inquired. "Just why are we going to rescue a guy who gets rather easily brainwashed by every sexy, evil girl he meets?" Pesti-chan grappled onto Carnage's collar. "If Usagi doesn't rescue him and they don't fall in love, then Sailor Moon ceases to exist. Do *you* want the series to end abruptly, and us with it?" "You'd think he's been trying to do that since he got here," Dark Mayhem said as he fed Ami some sashimi from their bento box. "I mean, how many Dragu Slaves, Satellite Strikes and Gundam attacks have you unleashed upon the hapless city in just this week, Carnage?" Carnage: "Hey, I'll have you know that the cast of Twisted Tales of Tokyo deserved the smiting they got!" Pesti: "Let me get this straight, Carnage: you zapped them with a Laguna Blade, killing them instantly--then you dropped an N-2 mine on them--and then you Buster Beamed them?" Carnage: "Ano...I had to make sure they were completely, fully dead." Demolition: [sweatdrop!] "There's a difference between just dead, completely dead and completely fully dead?" Carnage: "Isn't it obvious to you?" "Getting back to Nehelenia," Makoto said, desperately trying to pull them back to the more important things. "How do we find her? Her power seems to be spread all over the city; we don't even know where to start looking." "Maybe Haruka and Michiru will know what to do," Ami offered. "My computer can't seem to pinpoint Nehelenia's location; the entire city is saturated with her dark energy." Carnage reclined on the grass, casually looking up at the sky. "Well, if you think she wants revenge, then she's going to come to us sooner or later." His casualness then turned to SD ridiculousness as Miyu suddenly materialized and sat on his stomach. "Did you miss me, Carnage-chan?" the vampire princess purred. "Not as much as I miss the ability to breathe!" he wheezed. Dark Mayhem nodded in agreement, leaning away from the writhing Carnage and ignoring Miyu's cute giggles. "Carnage does have a point. Why waste all that energy in finding Nehelenia, when we can just be lazy and let her run around the city trying to find us?" "But what about my Mamo-chan?" Usagi pleaded. "Usagi, Mamoru could be anywhere," Pesti-chan said as calmly as he could. They had to placate the Senshi somehow. But admittedly they didn't even know what would happen next. "The only thing we can do right now is wait until Nehelenia appears. She's the only one who knows where he is." Trying her best to put on a brave face, Usagi nodded. And then she gratefully exclaimed, "Arigato, Kamui!" and hugged Pesti-chan. But this being Usagi, she nearly crushed him in a vice-like grip, Pesti-chan's face swelling up and turning blue. Unable to contain himselves, he broke apart into the 6 SD Pesti-chans. "Like self-inserted ants at a picnic," Demolition muttered, shooing SD Pesti #4 away from his lunch. "Ooooh! Ant-chans!" came Hysteria's uber-kawaii voice. Everyone groaned as she skipped (and bounced) over to join with them. "Is it okay for Hysteria to come and join the Senshi-momma's and fanboy- poppa's for their kawaii little lunch-chan?" Minako warily regarded the 10 year-old female avatar who was more endowed than almost all the Inner Senshi. "We'll let you stay if you don't talk," she said. Hysteria plunk-chaned herself down on the grass and pulled out her bento box. Hysteria: [hopeful] "You really mean it? You'll let your kawaii little daughter have lunch-chan with you? Macross your heart and hope to die?" Dark Mayhem: "Will you shut up?" Hysteria: ^-^ "No." Dark Mayhem: "Then I'll just die, thanks." Hysteria started to munch on her sandwiches, contentedly humming the theme song for Marmalade Boy. Abruptly she stopped chewing and stared down at the sandwich-chan in her hand. "This ketchup-chan tastes funny," she said. Miyu: ^-^ [popping up] "Are you going to eat all of that?" Abruptly the vampire princess straightened up. "Does anyone else here feel a strange draft?" Everyone grabbed their bento boxes and leaned back, just in time to witness Havoc-chan crashing down from above and faceplanting onto the ground. "Kuso...was so close that time," her muffled voice came from the grass. "Otoka-san, get back here!" Pandemonium's voice shouted across the campus quad. "You may be able to dodge Hinako-sensei, but you won't escape me!" Havoc-chan winced as she picked herself up off the ground. "Yare yare, Pan-chan's really tenacious. I swear, you cop one feel off her...." But already Pandemonium was racing across the grounds, her naughty tentacles of justice deployed and ready for frisk the perverted miscreant. "Ano...Havoc?" Pesti-chan said anxiously. "Could you please go somewhere else where we won't risk getting stripsearched for just being here?" "I would if I could," Havoc-chan replied. "But my bounce is gone." "Then let me help you get jump-started!!" Carnage exclaimed, punting Havoc-chan straight across the campus. Havoc-chan: ^-^ [soaring over Pandemonium's head!] "Sayonara, Pan- chan!" Pandemonium: --;; "You're not getting away that easily, otoka-san." Suddenly Pandemonium leapt into the air, stunning everyone as her Sexaroid body shot towards Havoc-chan with incredibly speed. Havoc-chan turned her head and only had enough time to remark "O--" before Pandemonium spun her body around and then smashed her foot into the female uberperv's face. The fanboy all winced and covered the eyes of their respective girlfriends. "Itai!" they chorused. With a flawless execution of the Panzer Kunst technique, Pandemonium dropped back onto the ground and dusted her uniform off. She paused briefly to squeeze her bosoms so that they would stop swaying from the inertia. "Aaah! That felt strangely satisfying," she remarked, looking up at Havoc-chan. Well...she looked up at the large Cream Lemon splattergore mark on the side of Jyuban High at any rate. The now headless body of Havoc-chan, merged with the wall and the whipped cream, twitched painfully in the air. Minako passed out upon seeing her Na-chan like that. Everyone else was trying to regain their appetites. "Where the hell did you learn to that?" Pesti-chan asked. Pandemonium brushed aside some stray locks of orange hair. "From Alita. I play Powerball in my spare time to keep fit and stay limber." "Did Alita teach you any Tantric Kunst too?" Dark Mayhem inquired slyly. The others, Ami included, immediately scuttled away from him, fearing an impending smiting (or naughty tentacle of justice frisking). However, Pandemonium blushed profusely and then stomped off. Makoto: [perplexed] "How did you...?" Dark Mayhem: ^^v "As Deso once said, the Havoc-Cam sees all. Or it saw all, until the server crashed yesterday." A loud commotion distracted everyone from their bento boxes- but not SD Pesti 3 from looking up Makoto's skirt. Or not enough to distract Makoto from hammering SD Pesti #3 into the nearest tree. But through the front gates marched a happy li'l SD Chaos. And behind him was a large group of various Anime characters. Chaos: ^-^ "And here we are at Jyuban High! If you look to your left, you'll get to see an actual shooting of the fic F9! III with all the major stars present." Hotohori: [taking pictures] "Ooooh! There's Usagi! I wonder if I could get her autograph." Wufei: "This school looks bigger in the brochure." Totoro: [squirming around] "......" Mei: "I told you to use the bathroom at the Tempura no Escaflowne restaurant, but did you listen? Bad Totoro, no biscuit." Spike Spiegel: "Oh, I hope there's a giftshop nearby." "Now, if you'll all follow me," Chaos called out loudly, wearing a tour girl's dress and a large hat with a foam 'F!' sticking out from the top. He quickly made sure there were no stragglers in the group. "We'll be taking a brief tour inside the high school. And then it's off to the revamped tropical island of Togenkyo, where F8! was filmed." Much rejoicing was had amongst the guests. "What the hell's he doing this time?" Pesti-chan remarked, happy to be as offside as possible. Dark Mayhem shrugged. "It would appear he's started tour groups to get some cash." Pesti-chan blinked a number of times, trying to find a method to the madness. "So let me get this straight: in the Cameofic, he tried to hide our series from existence...and now he's flaunting it?" "From the sounds of things, everyone at the Club Anipike heard rumours about the therapy Jolt and his associates had to go through after visiting us," Dark Mayhem replied. "'Morbid curiousity' best sums it up, I think." Demolition gawked in disbelief at all the tourists from different Animes excitedly being led around the Jyuban courtyard by Chaos. "I don't believe this." Then he noticed they had cameras. Instantly he was shirtless and posing with many an excited tourist. "He certainly showed a lack of integrity there," Minako remarked as she watched Demolition flexing his muscles. Makoto nodded, smiling in amusement at Chaos' (as always) misguided efforts. "You know, this reminds of that time when Duo tried to get me all for himself by selling the six of you on EBay, Kamui-chan." Pesti-chan glowered at memory. "Don't remind me. The only consolation from that fiasco was that the requests for those 'SD Pesti Plushies' went through the roof." Dark Mayhem nodded. "If I recall right, Chaos then tried to sell his own line of SD plushies. He managed to sell only one." "Hotaru bought it, ne?" Demolition remarked. "Not quite...." * * * At a quaint and out of the way cafe, two manga artists were hiding together in a booth at the back corner. With any luck, no adoring fans would spot them and create a crowd. After all, they had come here to meet for a very important reason. Once the cup of coffee had been drunk and the pleasantries were out of the way, the two ladies got down to business. Yuu Watase leaned back in her side of the booth, sulking with her hands over her chest. "No fair. You keep hogging him!" Naoko Takeuchi cradled a little Chaos plushie close to herself. "It's no use arguing. I get to play with it next." "It's my turn to play with the Chaos plushie, and we both know it," Yuu stated, though not as ardently as before. She was looking crestfallen, like a little kid who'd just had their favourite toy taken away. Naoko gave Yuu a deadpan stare. "Whose idea was it to do this after reading about Gosunkugi in Ranma 1/2?" "Hai hai." Naoko grinned as she took her SD Chaos plushie and started walking it across the table. "La la la, this is the way we smite Chaos, smite Chaos, smite Chaos, all through the fic!" And with that sung, she immediately dropped a model Comet Empire on top of the Chaos plushie. * * * [Cue the Comet Empire falling from the sky for no apparent reason and smiting Chaos!] Chaos: o.O;; "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" *SPLAT!* Anime tourists: ^-^ "Ooooooh! Aaaaaaaah!" Cameras: *Click!* "I don't even know what I did to deserve that," he warbled from beneath the comet. "Usually you just have to be yourself," Dark Mayhem replied as he strolled up to Chaos. He glanced at the rest of the tour group, who were busy trying to be the first to check out the interior of Jyban High. "So just why are you completely contradicting yourself from the Cameofic?" Chaos shuffled around. "Ano...you remember that Corvette incident in the Sailorstar Wars omake from F9! II?" Everyone nodded. Carnage didn't bother suppressing a laugh. "Hotaru still pissed off about that jacuzzi thing?" "Oh, is she ever," Chaos agreed, obviously not wanting to go into further detail of the situation. "I figure if I can get some extra spending money, I can appease Hotaru-chan with a date. But since the repair bills from previous fics have claimed our paycheques until Crystal Tokyo rolls around, this seemed like the next best thing." However, while the others simply rolled their eyes at Chaos' logic, Makoto gave Chaos a most curious look. "Did you just call her 'Hotaru-chan' instead of just 'Hotaru'?" Chaos' eyes bugged out, numerous sweatdrops orbiting his head. "Um no not at all why would you say something like that and I think the nylons starting to run up my rear and I really should get back to leading the tour and--" Naturally, his frantic ranting gave him away. "He said 'Hotaru-chan'," everyone agreed. Carnage cracked his knuckles menacingly. "And it just might be the last thing he ever says, period." "Hey, check it out," Demolition remarked, pointing over to the group of Aniverse tourists. "Looks like the Student Council members are taking a complimentary tour." Thrilled to no end at not having to dig himself into a deeper grave, Chaos put on a sincere smile-- Chaos: ^-^ --and turned around to see Riot pushing his way through the crowd of onlookers. Somewhere along the way he wound up with a flower necklace, and a Megane Utsubo for a hat. "What's the matter?" Chaos asked cheerfully. "Something wrong with the tour? Or the fic...as always?" Riot pulled out his katana. "Fanfic's over, Chaos." Chaos: o.O;; [Cue the eyecatch!] Much rejoicing goes out to: Carnage, who created the hilarious "Deso-head in the fridge" scene. Sarcasm, who created the Harry McDougall vs. Dilandou cage match. Nightbreak, who had the idea to spoof the 'Had Ex?' commercials with Havoc. And to Havoc, for giving me a very wrong idea in creating the following omake theatre.... OMAKE THEATRE!!! [Cue the ICQ session!] You do realize that we now have 80 Chaosfic titles alone that have yet to be put into the series. And the problem is? We're going to run out of fics before we finish off the list, dammit! Think we can create a really slick & cool omake where we get rid of about 1/3 of them? No. That would require actual thought. Let's just slap some half-assed plot contrivance together instead. ^^v [Cue the omake!] The light of the noonday sun shone down upon Tokyo. Many people were taking their Saturday off to go shopping or eat at a restaurant. No doubt a large number of teens were out on dates or hanging with their friends. But there was one soul in the city who was not about to take the day off, not when he'd already set out to fulfil his mission. Chaos stared up at the daunting structure before him. "There it is," he muttered to himself. "The infamous omaK2." Its immense form towered over most of the Tokyo skyline, putting even the Shinjuku Towers to shame. The entire mountainous peak had been created by stacking together the worst Anime-based fanfiction on the Net. And whomever's fic could be placed at the highest vertical point would be declared to greatest threat to otaku in all history. Somewhere up in the high and ludicrous altitudes were the treacherous Oscarfics. Not too far away, on a different slope of omaK2, were volumes of horrific self-insertion EVAtar fics. A pair of boardshorts from Mr. I'mnotadragon swayed in the wind whilst pinned beneath a manuscript. Many would-be fanfic authors had tried to reach the summit and declare their fic to be the best one for the Golden Raspberry Awards to diss, to be sure. But they had either been forced to turn back...or never even returned at all. Yet that didn't deter Chaos. No, he was just too stupid to take the hint and leave omaK2 alone. Armed with his trusty herring and a backpack full of bear jammies he'd boosted from Lain's bedroom closet, Chaos psyched himself up to do what no other author had done: reach the top. If he managed to do the impossible, then there was no way he could be ignored (or shot at) by the rest of the fanfiction community. "It is time," he announced dramatically, sliding pair of aviator goggles over his eyes and then adjusting his sundress. He hauled out a Chaosfic and dropped it into the ground, letting it serve as the anchor. Then he produced a flag with a li'l SD smiley face of himself on it, and jabbed it into the fanfic. After a few failed attempts, Chaos suddenly realized he should have been sticking the pointy end of the flagpole into the Chaosfic. Chaos: ^-^ "There we go: Combustible Campus Detectives! That's one small fic for Chaos--" Pesti-chan: --;; "One giant headache for fankind." Carnage: [sulking] "Just why the hell are we here anyways?" Dark Mayhem: [lounging at the mountain's base in a beach chair] "They're serving complimentary daiquiris. What's not to like?" Demolition: [surveying the summit] "Do you really think it's safe?" Pesti-chan: "Oh, I doubt Chaos will actually have the intelligence to get injured." Demolition: "I was talking about us. What if he creates a landslide of horrible fanfiction?" Dark Mayhem: "Then Mr. Fry-'Em-Fetish over here can exercise his right to smite." Carnage: ^^v [caressing a VOTOM mobile suit] "I've picked out the Gundam for just this occasion!" Pesti-chan: "Ano...Carnage? Could you please stop fondling the mecha already?" Havoc: ^-^ "PANTIES GOOD!" Demolition: "Okay, that is really disturbing. Havoc's been so deprived of hentai that he's been reduced to spouting nearly all mono-syllabic words in caps lock." Dark Mayhem: "Oh, she's become a James Hetfield charictature?" And so Chaos set off on his journey. He made his way up the treacherous path, wary of getting really nasty papercuts from the jagged edges of hardcopied stories laying around. A few times he slipped on wet ink and nearly tumbled all the way down the mountainside, but luckily for him his hyper-panicky SD mode kicked in. Thusly Chaos could desperately wave his arms and legs around and catch an updraft. The higher he climbed, the less oxygen there seemed to be. Probably because the sheer stupidity of the fics he was now encountering were that asphyxiating. But not to be outdone, Chaos left his mark of the face omaK2 in the trail of Chaosfics be left behind. "Garzey's Gundam Wing!" "Space Battleship Yawara Yoko!" "Yamato Totoro!" "Gunnmbuster!" "Magic Knights of Ramunes!" A few hours later, Chaos took a quick lunch break around the halfway point. "Boy, writing fanfics sure makes one hungry," he remarked whilst chowing down on some Excel brand Ramenchi noodles. But then who should he see skipping (and jiggling) over one of the smaller peaks of omaK2, but Hysteria. "There we go," she said, staking her own kawaii little flag-can on the mountain o' ficage. "Hysteria has left behind her kawaii little 'I Wanna Be A Nurse Angel' and 'Midnight Gohan' fic-chans to show she was here. And this is just an oh so kawaii place to have a kawaii little tea party-chan! Ne, Tora-chan? Ne? Ne?" She turned around, only to discover that Tora had cleverly escaped her grasp by putting his leash on a giant Totoro who'd been spraypainted orange. And it had taken Hysteria only 6 hours to figure this out. "Waaaah! Now who is Hysteria going to have a kawaii little victory tea party-chan with once she reaches the top?" Upon seeing Hysteria, Chaos did what came natural and panicked, launching two or three spare Chaosfics into the air. As the skies were suddenly littered with excerpts from such classic idiocies as 'Marlemeiya Boy' and 'Initial AD Police', Chaos angrily pointed over to Hysteria. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?!" the irate li'l fanboy exclaimed. Hysteria stuck out her kawaii little tongue-chan and raspberried him. "Piiiida-chan! Hysteria's going to be the kawaii little queen-chan of omaK2. Because we all know Hysteria's fics are just oh so kawaii, she's naturally going to reach the top first." And just to spite Chaos, she clobbered him with a copy of her 'Plastic Little Nemo' fic. Chaos' eyebrow twitched as he pulled the cover page off his face, ink left smeared on his forehead. "This means war in the pocket." But as it turned out, he'd left his war in his other pants, so he was forced to make do with what he had in this other set of pockets. Namely some lint and a Puchu bear-thingy. Tossing the bowl of ramenchi over his shoulder, Chaos set out with new, fervent resolve to beat Hysteria to the summit. He began creating new Chaosfics faster and faster. He flung 'Fist of the Outlaw Star' left and 'Senshi Ni Narumon' right. When he came across a large chasm separating him from the desired central peak, he defied the laws of engineering (not to mention all good taste) in creating a bridge made from such Chaosfics like 'Mach Go Go Panda Go', 'Gourryguyver: Bio Booster Sword of Light' and 'Basaraki.' Yet every time he gave a paranoid glance over in Hysteria's direction, he found the uber-kawaii twit of an alleged daughter was making the same speed of progress as he was. Happily skipping along through the piles of Tenchi Muyo! lemons that we shall never speak of again if you know what's good for you, Hysteria wantonly tossed her Hysteriafics in all directions. Very quickly the hills were alive with the sound of Menchi. 'Menchi Ni Narumon' that is. Not to mention 'Tuxedo Mask of Glass' and 'Pon Porco Rosso'. Hysteria giggled as she placed another marker to showcase her progress. Yes indeed, her copy of 'Boys Bebop' looked very pretty all done up in its bow-chan. Not one to be outdone by her insipid redundancies, Chaos hurled a copy of his 'Magic Knight Sabres' above his head, the stapled pages unfurling to form a makeshift ladder. Chaos was naturally glad that his rather common stapler mishaps were working to his advantage for once. Soon it was becoming an all-out race to see who could run and write fics at the same time. Chaos & Hysteria were almost side by side now as they scaled omaK2, launching their fics all over the place and leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. Yes indeed, this was not the day to be a beta-reader. Chaos: "Tenkawa No Escaflowne! Voltron Fighter Gowcaizer! Galaxy Gun Express 999!" Hysteria: "Bishoujojo's Bizarre Adventure! Chan Chan Bunny X! Goldenboy Detective Conan!" Chaos: "Serial Experiments Lum! Perfect Coo! Battle Angel Links!" Hysteria: "Project A-kodocha! Weather Report Girl From Phantasia! Tekkamon!" Chaos: "Dangaioh My Goddess! Urusaiyan Yatsura!" Hysteria: "U-Jinnai Brand! Angel Sanctuary of Darkness! Pokemononoke Hime!" Chaos: "Dragon One-Half! Kenshin Corps!" Hysteria: "Chibiusagi Yujimbo! Fancy La La Blue Girl!" Chaos: "The Tuxedo Mask of Zorro! Bio Hunter Yohko!" Hysteria: "Genocyber 6! Dragonball Pink!" Chaos: "Outlaw Stardust Memories!" Hysteria: "Aku Mantle Cha Cha!" Chaos: "I Wanna Be An Angel Link!" Hysteria: "Tenchi Ni Pokemon!" Chaos: "Catgirl Ninku Ninku!" Hysteria: "Catgirl Naga Naga!" Chaos: "Kodama no Omocha!" Hysteria: "Kodomo No Ogenki!" [Down at the base of omaK2....] Dark Mayhem: "Good lord, they're resonating. They're starting to ping fic ideas off each other!" Demolition: "Too bad they couldn't knock each other out in the process." Ruckus: ^^v "Maybe I should add my own Ruckusfic to the mix: Samurai Express Yaoimon!" [Cue the facevaults!] Havoc: o.O;; "YAOI BAD! YAOI BAD!" Soon, Chaos and Hysteria started throwing out their fics and shouting the titles so fast, that no one could tell which MST- enriched turkey should be blamed on whom. "Outlaw Starblazers!" "Ayashi No CeresCeres!" "Guidecrest of the Stars!" "Slayers Chic & Gorgeous!" "Kimagure Orange Road Warrior, featuring Madoka Max!" "X/El Saga 1999: Hyatt's dying was foreordained!" Pesti-chan: [eyebrow twitch!] "Well...at least we know that last one was definitely a Chaosfic." Carnage: "Not that knowing this fact makes our lives any happier." Demolition: "You just aren't happy unless you get to blow something up, are you oni-san?" Carnage: --;; [pointing at Demolition] "Fireball." "Prepare yourself, Hysteria!" Chaos proclaimed as he flung himself into the air in a desperate bid for the top position. "I've saved my best fic for last!!" "Same here!" Hysteria chimed in, taking her own flying leap. And it just so happened that they flung themselves right into each other's faces. With a loud thumping of thick skulls, the two avatars crashed into the pile o' papers, each one warbling out their ultimate fic. Chaos: x.x "Fairy Princess Ren & Stimpy...." Hysteria: x.x "Pretty Sammo...." When they both looked, they discovered that their manuscripts were sitting side by side, yet both were now the highest fics on the entire omaK2 summit. "We...we're tied," Chaos said in surprise. Carnage: [dousing the base of omaK2 in gasoline] "No, you're screwed." Demolition: "FIREBALL!!" Chaos & Hysteria: o.O;; *FWOOSH!!!* And so ends the story of two avatars who tried to make themselves the king and queen-chan of omaK2. Were they utter idiots for even trying such a ridiculous thing? Or were both Chaos and Hysteria in fact complete morons? Only time and MSTfics will tell....