"Rules To Abide By" Jackie Chiang http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/3741/ This is just a weird fic written by myself to go in correspondence to the "Guide to Writing Outer Senshi Fics," with the messages reinstated by those who should know best... It's also a self-inclusion fic, and I have, with the permission of Tim Nolan and Amanda Anderson, made fun of the three of us, or at least lightly mocked ourselves. Also mocked are the nameless bad Outer fic writers, as well as a couple of other good ones that I didn't feel like asking to make fun of. Here's the thing- if I come out and *say* your name, it means I like you as a writer, I'm just joshing you [isn't that such a stupid phrase? To josh?], so don't feel bad... If you recognize your fic being made fun of in a negative way, oh well. Warning: Language. Insanity. Silliness. Crazed rantings. But you already expected that, didn't you? Hmm, quick copyright note thing: I didn't make up the Sailor Senshi, sorry, they belong to Takeuchi Naoko, Toei, and Kodansha. Not trying to rip them off or take credit for them or anything funny like that. Completed in the good month of October, year 1997. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, so here I am, sitting in front of my computer, typing out my latest sob story dealing with- who else? Haruka and Michiru, obviously. God, if you didn't know that, please read some of my fics, I've heard that they're pretty good by most people... A *couple* of people didn't like "Minako" but no names... I know who you are, I know where your review pages are, I know all about you... If you don't even know who Haruka and Michiru are, please, don't get the hell near me until you've gotten psychiatric help. I think I was writing about Michiru being hit by a car and running away from Hades to be with Haruka... Except, she was like dumb, or something like that, and she was only smart enough to do Haruka every night until she was suddenly drawn back, then ressurected again for no good reason with Haruka 'cause she lost it, became a straight-dresser, then killed herself... No, wait, maybe that was someone else's fic. Okay, then it was imagining that I was in college and Haruka and Michiru just *happened* to come to my university smack dab in the middle of hicksville, Idaho- or was it Utah? [Some hick place, y'know- even though H&M are just like, sooo smart, they'd get into Harvard, cause if Mamoru- baka can get into it, it's like please, of *course* Haruka and Michiru can do it too.] I don't even know why, but I made myself this hicky techie person chick who just *happened* to speak Japanese and just *happened* to become really neato friends with me and just *happened* to own some sort of water god thing... On second thought, no, it wasn't that. Hmm... Ok, I remember now... I think. I think it was a fic that had something to do with Haruka and Michiru meeting each other at school for the first times in their lives, and like, Michiru almost beating Haruka in a race during gym, but that's sorta weird, cause like Haruka's so fast, and Michiru doesn't run, only as Neptune. She's too dignified, y'know? And something to do with all these yellow flower rose thingy-majigs in this weird sort of style that Haruka learned from one of these guys who devotes his entire life to just putting these damned yellow roses into these particular styles cause he has no hopes of ever becoming anything important... Dammit, no. Not that either. Okay, so I was writing about *something*, I just can't remember yet! Give me a break, I'm only, what, twenty-two? ..... HAHAHAHA. You think I'm twenty-two?! Whatever! I can't even legally drive yet! Okay, so anyway, I'm sitting in front of my computer [I love you, sweetie, do you love me too?] when all of a sudden this big light comes from the monitor and surrounds me. Then, KAPOW! I'm in some sort of cafe place. Yeah, it was KAPOW! Not KABLAM! or KABOOM! or even SPLAT! No, it was most definitely a KAPOW! I *think* I know what a KAPOW! sounds like, so don't go off on this damned lecturing spasm. So then I'm sitting at a table in a cafe for no damn reason, and then all of a sudden these two people appear in front of me. I don't know why they're here, I don't even know why I'm here, but it's sort of like, okay, nifty keen, oh, look, there's a tea cup in front of me. That's sort of cool. And then another light hits me- this time it was a BAM!- and suddenly I'm not stupid anymore. [And the readers thank the good fanfic lord above.] I wonder why I'm here. I don't understand, but no, this time it's all right. I sip my tea quietly, and then I realize that I'm looking at him and her. Yes, *those* two. My much beloved ani and ane- the epic writer and the self-inclusion writer, the oldie and the techie, Susan and Erica, ChibiSets and ChibiRuka, the lover of Setsuna/Minako and the lover of Haruka/Makoto- Tim and Amanda. Fancy meeting them here in the middle of nowhere. I live in Chicago, he lives in California, she lives in the middle of Oregon. [So that's where hicksville was.] They're just drinking their tea looking at me. I guess they've already come to the same conclusion as I have, and they, being responsible, mature adults, a great deal wiser and abler than myself, have accepted this as it is without question. "Why am I heeeereeee?!" Tim cries out then, sobbing into his tea cup. "I don't waaaaaant to be hereeeee! I was on a writing roll! I was up to 100 M of writing when I was interrupted! And I didn't saaaave!" I look at him. Okay... Maybe not. "Hey, *I* was cybering with Chris [not Davies, Chris, her boyfriend]," she snaps, her voice bitter as she glares at him. "You think *I* wanted to be sucked into some weird cafe with you and her?! We were just past second base, getting to the really good X rated stuff!" Whoops. Guess she wasn't in her usual chippy mood there... "Um... You two *are* Amanda Anderson and Tim Nolan, right?" I break in cautiously. "You know, my nice, happy friends... usually? Tim, who's always got this air of matureness about him, even when he's goofy, and Amanda, the girl who's always friendly and cheery, even when she's down?" They look at me, Tim with tears overflowing from his eyes, which are bright and sorrowful, and Amanda, with her twisted mouth and slightly crazed look in her eyes. BAM! I blink, and suddenly Tim and Amanda stop their hissy fits. "That was really smooth, Setsuna," someone says disgustedly from someplace, presumably above us, but we can't see who the voice belongs to. "Why don't we just give Tim-san the personality of a PUPPY DOG while we're at it, let alone that of a six-year-old! Or Amanda-san! Let's make her a sadistic nympho! Oh, wait, we already did that one, didn't we? And Jackie-chan! [Writer's note: Cut the giggling on that one already.] That was really brillaint, making her an idiot *before* we even drew her in!" "Soorrry!" another person answers. "I deal in *time travel*, blondie, not alternate dimension, real life people junk. Sheesh, next time you want to try this, do it YOURSELF." "Ara, Setsuna," a third woman interrupts smoothly, "Haruka didn't mean it that way, now, did you, love?" "Michiru, yes I-" "New shipments!" a girl announces happily. "Hotaru-chan!" the third woman says admonishingly. "You didn't bring in Jon-san, did you?" "Of course not!!" the girl protests. "We all would have *killed* him for what he did to us! But I brought all the ones Haruka-papa wanted!" The first woman groans. "That was *sarcasm*, Hotaru-chan! I don't want any crappy writers here!" Another table lands next to ours from the ceiling [from the ceiling?!], and we all jump. "Cripes, Setsuna! You think you could make that thing land any CLOSER to them?!" "Shut up, Haruka, or I'll make you so old that you'll be STERILE!" "Yikes!" Pause. "Hey, wait a minute, I don't care if I'm sterile or not." "*I* don't want to have to get you going in bed," the voice of elegance speaks. "I'll go sleep with Setsuna or someone else." "Now wait a minute, Michiru! Just because one of those trashy fic writers has Setsuna all over you, and her twin sister to boot, doesn't mean you'd actually consider it!" "Hey!" the second woman protests. "Hey!" the third one says at the same time. "INCOMING!" the child yells during the fighting. People fall from sky onto the chairs at the table next to ours. By then, we've already gotten used to it, and we're sipping our tea contentedly, making small slights at Ami. The fic writers, who shall remain unnamed and henceforth be labeled writers A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, and L look at us. We ignore them. "Good, everyone's here," the first woman says with satisfaction. "No thanks to *you*," the second mutters. "I could have done a damn lot better than you did!" "I'd like to see you try, Miss Macho!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Fine!" "Hey, Michiru, where are you going?" "I'm going to greet my guests." "I hope you're not mad at me, sweetie..." "Let's just say you're staying in the living room tonight." "Michiruuuuuu..." PooF. A *very* beautiful and elegant woman with sea green hair and blue eyes appears out of nowhere at the front of the cafe. She is wearing a simple dress, tastefully stylistic and graceful. Writers A, B, C, G, I, and J all start drooling, and us three have our mouths hanging open. "Hello," she says, smiling politely. "I'm Kaioh Michiru, otherwise known as Sailorneptune." As if we didn't know. POOF! and poof and Poof. The first POOF! belongs to a tall blond, who at first glance looks like a man, but is obviously a woman. She sets off some of the drooling even more so, myself included, but so what. She puts her arm around Michiru. She makes no introduction, and I'm glad to see that Amanda is controlling herself rather well. The second poof is from the small girl, about age eight or so, with short black hair and large violet eyes, clothed in a violet dress, who is suddenly next to Michiru. "Hiya," she says happily. "I'm Tomoe Hotaru, Sailorsaturn, nice to meet you!" Poof produces a green haired woman, it's long and to her waist, in a bun, and she has red eyes. "I'm Meioh Setsuna, Sailorpluto," she says. Yeah, that sets some people off... Tim, for instance, and writers H and I. The fanfic writers next to us are about ready to have heart attacks. "You may be wondering why you're all here," Michiru begins. "First off, we assure you that we are real." "Can I pinch you to make sure?" B asks eagerly, his fingers itching. Haruka takes out her sword and lobs his head off from his body, just like that- a nice, neat, tidy chop, and look, now he's in two places at once. "No," she says belatedly. She sniffs haughtily. "Ecchi." "Haruka!" Michiru exclaims, though not sounding too upset. "Hey, it's one less bad Outer Senshi fic writer to screw up the world," Setsuna says to the other's defense. "'Sides, that was the guy who made me a cyber whore on AOHell." "It's a good thing Jon-san isn't here," Hotaru chirps. All four of them sigh, somewhat downcast. Michiru is the first to shake off her gloom, which bounds away into a corner and dies. "I rather liked him," Setsuna says after a moment. "Even though he calls me pathetic, makes me into a psychopath, and turns me into a time twisting dyke, so what?" "He made you a dyke too," Haruka says absently. "I already *said* that," Setsuna snaps. "You did not." "I did too!" "Not!" "Too!" "Not!" "Too!" "Not!" "Too!" "Silence Glaive-" "NO!" Setsuna covers Hotaru's mouth while Haruka wrestles the Glaive out of her hands. "Sheesh, kids these days," Haruka admonishes, tossing it into the same place where all magical SM items are kept. "I'll say," Michiru says wryly, pointedly. She turns her attention back to us, who are all staring at her in bemusement. "Now, as I was saying, you might be wondering why you all are here." "Not really," Writer A interrupts. "I know I've wanted you for a very long time, Michiru, even though you're only pen and ink, but I'm twenty-three, can't get a date, and need to delude myself with a perfect girl, and after writing about fifteen self-inclusion H-fics with you in it and me as your boyfriend, because I gave Haruka some guy to go play with, I *knew* the day would finally come when you would want to sleep with me too! I love yo-" SLASH. A's head goes rolling off his body before it and his body vanish, like B, which strangely enough has disappeared without our seeing it. Haruka blows on the tip of her sword. "Rule number 1, kiddies. Self- including yourselves in a fanfic with *my* girlfriend just so you can get it on is a definite no-no." "So they can sleep with *you*?" Michiru asks sweetly, piqued at her possessiveness. Haruka sweat drops. "Err... NO!" "I don't want any nasty *young* kid feeling me over either," Setsuna points out. "You don't look a day past twenty," Tim puts in quickly. Setsuna smiles at him. "Thank you, Timmy-chan, that's so sweet." "Mamas, Papa, what's sex?" Hotaru asks. Everyone in the room facefaults. "Uh... Uh... It's *very*, *very*, *very* evil," Haruka says smoothly. "You *never* want to have it until you're very, no *extremely* old." Michiru giggles. "Good, that's done with," Setsuna says. "Anyway, as we were saying, you're all here for a special little seminar on writing Outer Senshi fanfics." "I think I *know* how to write Outer Senshi fics," writer C says arrogantly. "I've only written fifteen fics in two months." Hotaru throws a knife at him and he yelps and dives. "Be quiet! You're the one who gave me a big chest and did nasty things to me, and I'm only eight years old! You ecchi! Ecchi! Child abuse! Statutory rape!" "But Hotaru... You're so sexy-" A boulder from the sky flattens him. Gone is writer letter C. "Don't have Hotaru having sex. Easy enough," Haruka says. She looks at D, E, and F, all huddling in a little corner, G, H, I, J, K, and L in another. She looks at a piece of paper in her hand. "Okay, number D-" "You mean *letter* D," Setsuna says quickly. "See, 'D' is a letter, not a number. A number is an Arabic numeral, such as '4' or '7'." "You be quiet," the other snaps and continues reading. "Okay, letter D, you have been charged with giving us, the so called Outer *scouts* boyfriends... Supposedly soulmates." She looks up. "Are you fucking out of your mind?!" she hollars. "Don't you think I'm *happy* with my pookie doll, my snuggly bunny, my lovey dovey, my beautiful, sexy teddy bear?! Well, I AM. I don't need a boy to screw!" Michiru is blushing like mad. The three of us exchange glances. "Pookie doll?" Tim repeats. "Snuggly bunny?" Amanda intones. "Beautiful, sexy teddy bear?" I ask. Michiru turns brighter red. "I mean, it's *okay* if you give Setsuna a boyfriend, she *needs* a life, but Michiru and I are *happy* together! You got that?! H-A-P-P-Y!" Haruka is really throwing a fit now. "And what's worse is making it so that one of *you* sleeps with us! Just so you can get your grubby little paws on Michiru's body! I think I should just kill all of you right now!" The other writers are crying and whimpering. I personally think that Haruka's been hit too many times on the head with Michiru's mirror. "Haruka, that's enough," Michiru mutters as she grabs Haruka's arm and drags her away from the front- her face looks like it'll be red for a while. "Next issue." Hotaru hops forward and everyone sighs with relief. She smiles winningly, takes Haruka's paper from her hand, and giggles, blushing. We are all charmed by her innocence and grace, by her adorable grins and her bright eyes. So it comes as a surprise when she starts screaming, "MY NAME IS *NOT* CHRISTINE, HELEN, HELGA, HORTENSE, OR VICTORIA! IT'S HOTARU! *HOTARU*! CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SPELL?!" I cover my ears in a vain attempt to salvage the remains of my eardrums. I had forgotten that little kids always have the most *annoying* high pitched voices God has ever bestowed upon anybody. She giggles again, then bounces away and sits down. "The same goes for the rest of us," Setsuna says. "Contrary to popular belief, my name is *not* Susan, Sharon, or any of that sort of thing." "But you're the only scout," Haruka puts in snidely. She snickers. "I am NOT a scout!" Setsuna shrieks. "I am NOT! I REFUSE to be!" "Well, technically, Sailor Pluto is a scout," Michiru says delicately, "but Meioh Setsuna is not, because she arrives in SMS, not SMR." "And that's supposed to make me feel better?" "Scout, scout, scout, scout, SCOUT! Hahaha!" Setsuna's Garnet Rod appears in her hand, and she whacks the laughing Haruka on the head with it five times. "Psst," Amanda whispers to Tim and me. "I wonder why we're here. I mean, only Tim used the stupid names once, but we got him off that, right?" "I never included myself into a fanfic to sleep with Setsuna or Minako," Tim offers. He doesn't add, Though I'd really like to, but Amanda and I know it's there. "And we never paired Haruka and Michiru with any guys," I conclude. "Maybe they made a mistake?" "Next on the list," Michiru announces. "Cruelty to the Outer senshi." Uh oh. Amanda, Tim, and I look a little nervous. So... Tim was just a *tad* bit off in a couple of his fics, and Amanda always mocks Haruka in "College Life..." Yeah, and so I killed a couple of them off a few times, I made a couple of them targets for insanity and murder, broke them up only in every fanfic, and turned two near perfect girls into criminals. So what? At the table next to me, D through L are snickering at us. "Issue addressed: Causing Haruka to die in a car crash, and myself to die by drowning." That stops the giggling abruptly, and it's our turns to smirk. "That's so predictable," Haruka says in disgust. "Can't you do something, you know, *interesting*? Or do you all think I'm boring? Do you think I *deserve* something boring? Huh, do you? Answer me!" "No, ma'am, uh, sir, uh, ma'am, uh, Misstur Transsexual, sir!" The writers salute. "Good! Now kill me off in a COOL way! I want to go down in a blaze of glory, not something I do as a fucking hobby!" "I'd also like to point out that yes, I think I can swim," Michiru says drolly. "If my name means "Mature Sea Ruler," if I have powers over water, and if I can beat Miss Mizuno in a race , I *think* I can avoid drowning in a goddamn swimming pool!" "You know... No one ever tries to kill me off," Setsuna muses aloud. "It's sort of funny. Oh well, I get to live, that's all that matters, ne?" HarukaandMichiru glare at her. Hotaru bounces around, saying, "Everyone always kills *me* off, then they bring me back to life because I'm reborn. That's boring, isn't it, Michiru-mama? Die, live, die, live, die, live, die, live, die, live, die, live, die-" "Hush, Hotaru-chan," Michiru says, patting her on the head. "I'm cuter than Chibi-usa-chan and Chibichibi-chan, aren't I?" Hotaru asks, tugging on Tim's pant leg. "How'd she get here so fast?" Amanda asks, blinking. "Aren't I?" She repeats plaintively. "Yes," we three agree. "Very kawaii." She beams happily. "Actually, I'd say that Chibi-usa-chan is A LOT more cuter," Writer L says, but then she is promptly blinded permanently by Hotaru reflecting sunlight off of Michiru-mama's mirror, and she screams out, "I can't see! I can't see!" She, in her agony, runs outside and into the street, promptly being run over by a truck and is no more. Hotaru sniffs, then runs outside after a butterfly, leaving her parents with us. "Okay... Next issue," Setsuna says. "Having me decide to screw up the cosmic balance in order to save Haruka or Michiru's asses... Or in the case of Haruka, her anus." "That joke is sooooo two years ago," Haruka snaps crossly. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you have two ears sticking out and a red jewel glowing on your forehead, Miss Pu with the Marshmallow body?!" Setsuna has a ticked off expression on her face. "Just shut up! I am in NO WAY related to that, that THING! We haven't even met, thank you very much!" Suddenly a fat, puffy, white rabbit/marshmallow thing falls from the ceiling in front of her. The green haired woman screams in shock, and the thing says, "Pu pu pu pu pu pu!" happily. Setsuna, sweatdropping, cries out, forgetting that she's supposed to whisper mysteriously, "Dead Scream!" and gone is the thing. White marshmallowy goo is on fanfic writers D, E, and F, and then it turns into acid, and they shriek as they die. "That was interesting," Haruka comments. "I always wondered what he was made of." "You should have known, EMERAUDE," Setsuna snaps. "Shut up!" the blond yells. She looks like she's about to cry. "You promised you'd never tell anyone..." "Ara, we're only down to G, H, I, J, K, and the self-dubbed Outer Senshi trio," Michiru says, sighing, covering her mouth with her hand. "Anyway," Setsuna says, calming down. "I do not fuck around with time- would I like to? Yes, but see, unlike you fic writers, _I_ have a responsibility for my actions, and I would NOT go back in time to save Haruka or Michiru!" Michiru and Haruka get funny looks on their faces. "You... wouldn't save us?" Michiru asks. "Don't take it personally," Setsuna assures her. "It's because I have a duty to see that we don't have any really strange parallel dimension things, paradoxes, or suddenly cause the end of the universe..." She pauses, then adds, "At any case, if one of you dies, the other's gonna off herself anyway, and you'll be together in death." "That's nice to know," Haruka says sarcastically. "I'm back!" Hotaru says, skipping inside of the cafe. She giggles, hopping over to Amanda, Tim, and me, presenting us with gifts of flowers. "You're so kawaii," Amanda says, patting her on the head. "Have a cookie," I say, handing it to her, and she munches on it. "Here's $100," Tim says, giving her a crisp one hundred dollar bill. We look at him. He shrugs defensively. "I like kawaii children, so sue me!" "Yeah... I will," Amanda says thoughtfully, "with your being definitely loaded and all that..." "NEXT!" Michiru says loudly. "Problems with storylines! "I'd like to say right now that I would *never* sleep with Seiya-kun, Taiki-san, Yaten-kun, Motoki-san, or any other guy in the show, except maybe Mamoru-san [she and Setsuna giggle], as sweet as Seiya-kun is, I don't go for younger men." Haruka puts her arm around Michiru's shoulder, glaring at G, H, I, J, and K. "You remaining fic writers have decided that all us three senshi plus one scout" [Setsuna raises an eyebrow at the slight] "should live together... But Michiru and I aren't in love! Isn't that just the screwiest thing you've ever heard of? Oh yeah, we're gonna move in together and not be in love!" "Quite," Michiru agrees. "I mean, I have to save Haruka's ass a zillion times and one! I had to catch her from falling off a fifty story building! Do you know how *heavy* she is?! I had to save her from a daimon! Those claws into my back and arm weren't FUN! Want ME to claw YOUR body?! And I got fucking shot at sixty times! Want me to shoot YOU sixty times?! If I didn't love her, she'd have been dead a few years ago!" Haruka sweat drops. "Michiru, love..." However, Michiru is really pissed by now, and in her fury, she Deep Submerges writers G and H, and they just sort of really die. Once they are dead, she begins to calm down, taking in deep breaths. She smiles weakly at Haruka. "I love you, Haruka." Haruka, who is a bit scared of Michiru right now, hugs her immediately and quickly agrees, "I love you too, love." I wipe my eyes. "Wasn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life?" Tim and Amanda look at me. "Yeah..." Amanda says, "if you're a complete lunatic." "Bite me," I snap. "No thanks," she replies. "Uh... Haruka copycat!" I say. "Haruka lover!" she counters. "Makochanian!" "Michiruchanian!" "Cybersexian!" "Fantasizerian!" Tim cuts us off. "Imouto-chan," he says, trying to calm us down. "We're not on IRC anymore..." "Oh yeah." We hug and make up. The Outers and I, J, and K are watching us. "That was funny," Hotaru comments. "Funny as in funny farm?" Setsuna asks. "Funny as in crazy," Haruka affirms. "Reminds me of two people I know," Michiru murmurs. "Okay, now let's cover incorrect suffixes," Haruka says, changing the subject. "Writers I and J don't know jack shit about them, so... Setsuna, go ahead." Setsuna nods, and waving her Garnet Rod, two 200 ton books on using Japanese suffixes and honoraries fall on top of I and J's heads, and they die. "Somehow I get the feeling that this is a murder fest," I say. "Or is it just me?" "They're not going to kill us... Are they?" Tim wonders. "They better not, they're our favorite senshi," Amanda says. "Aside from your liking Mako-chan and Tim's obsession with LBS*," I agree. "Hey!" Tim protests. "Okay, that's done with," Michiru says happily. "Now we have only Miss K left. Well, we only have a few more things to go over anyway. Let's see... Oh yes, swearing." Setsuna smiles at K gently, and says, "See... We don't fucking swear all the time, god dammit all to hell! Can't you fucking see that, or are you fucking out of your fucking mind?! I'm not fucking around when I say that having us fucking swearing all the time is shitty and fucking annoying!" K trembles; she is so scared that she takes out a knife and stabs herself. "Oh, that was smart," Haruka says admiringly. "She took care of herself, just like that." Tim, Amanda, and I are already at the door, scrambling to get away when the Outers look at us. "And what do you think you three are doing?" Haruka asks. "You're not going anywhere." Setsuna does her magic floating thing a la the Force, and we float back to the table. We are forcibly sat back down. "All right," Michiru says, and the four of them come over to us, now that the other fic writers are dead. "Now... Let's go over your fics, shall we?" "I'd rather not, thanks," I say. "Can we please go, Michiru-san? I'd like that very much." "No," Haruka says. "We just want to say that aside from the fact that you, Jackie-chan, screw Michiru and me over in every single one of your fics, have about 30 senshi in SMElemental right now, and can never meet your deadlines, they're good." "Uh... Thanks... I guess..." I answer, slightly less terrified. Michiru glares at Haruka, patting my hand. "It's okay, she's just jealous that you don't like her the best," she confides. "And aside from the fact that you gave me a teddy bear and self-included yourself in your fics and had me yahooing on a tractor, "College Life" is neat," Haruka adds to Amanda. "Plus 'Distant' was awesome." Michiru, Hotaru, and Setsuna cough at the obvious bias. "Thanks..." Amanda says in the same voice as I used. [She needs to actually get more self-esteem.] Setsuna smiles at Tim. "Even though you wrote a lemon series and used the horrid dub names, we don't blame you, the rest of your fics are superb, especially that latest Outer trilogy." Tim says, "Thanks." [He's so modest.] Haruka, Hotaru, and Michiru look at Setsuna, ironically noting the fact that the trilogy was focused on Setsuna, though all of them got relatively good coverage, Hotaru was too young to complain about part three, and Awakening 2 was focused on the snuggly love bunnies. "So you dragged us into a fantasy world to compliment our fics?" Amanda asks, somewhat confused. "Not entirely..." Haruka says. She whaps me on the head with her Space Sword, then Amanda, then Tim. "Ouch!" "Ow!" "Ack!" Michiru then whacks me on the head with her Deep Aqua Mirror, then Amanda, then Tim. "Ack!" "Ouch!" "Ow!" Setsuna hits me on the head with her Garnet Rod, then Amanda, then Tim. "Ow!" "Ack!" "Ouch!" Hotaru hits me on the head with her Silence Glaive, then Amanda, then Tim. "Damnit!" "Shit!" "Fuck!" "What was *that* for?!" I demand, rubbing my head. "Um... We had to be fair for killing off all the other fanfic writers," Haruka explains. "Now everything's all balanced out." "Four whacks on the head equal the deaths of twelve fanfic writers?" Amanda asks, somewhat confused by the logic. "It makes sense," Tim agrees. "Four for the three of us equals twelve whacks altogether, which makes up for the deaths of twelve fic writers... I guess." "Okay, seminar's over," Hotaru says cheerfully. "Ja ne!" "Wait... We just spent an hour of our life in Sailormoon world for no real reason, and you're sending us back?" Tim says. "So soon?" "I made sure your latest was saved, Timmy-chan," Setsuna says, patting him on the arm. "It's all safe and sound." "I won't become stupid again, will I?" I ask cautiously. "Of course not," Michiru says, smiling at me. "And Amanda-san will be normal too." "I rather liked being a nympho," Amanda giggles. Tim and I look at her. "Hey! If Chris likes it... Oh beans, nevermind..." "Ok, nice meeting you," Setsuna tells us, shaking our hands. Hotaru curtsies, Haruka shakes our hands, and Michiru does likewise. I know for a fact that I'm never washing it again, and I think Tim and Amanda are thinking along the same lines. "Good-bye and God speed," Haruka says for no apparent reason. KABOOM. So I'm in front of my computer again. I stare at the screen for a few minutes, convincing myself it was just some weird dream, because the clock says it's one minute past when I was typing from beforehand. Meanwhile, in the midst of Oregon, Amanda has done the same exact thing, continuing her cybering. Meanwhile, in LA, California, Tim has done something similar [though he still feels some reluctance to wash his hand...] Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Japan, the four Outer Senshi sigh as they watch the three fic writers in their magical crystal viewer that the Three Talismans and the Glaive created when their powers were put together. [Who knew?] "Well, at least now they won't go blabbing about that we really exist," Michiru suggests. She snuggles against Haruka, who snuggles back. "And we got rid of twelve bad fic writers," Setsuna adds. "But there are still a whole lot more out there," Haruka points out. "I think it's time we paid a few more of them a visit." "Yay!" Hotaru cheers. "Maybe one of them will give me more money!" The End ---------- *LBS: Little Blond Slut. Pet name Artemis&Luna use to call Minako by. [Heh heh] Wasn't this a nifty fic?