Ohayo! Or good afternoon, evening, or whatever you prefer. This story will try to address a curiousity of mine and hopefully shed some light onto a subject that really didn't need it, but hell, I'm bored, so why not? The question is: what if Haruka was a guy? I know, I know, that's one of the few things that *isn't* under debate. But really, think about it. How would fanfiction as we know it have changed because of a boyish girl actually being a boy? So, for the sake of this essay/story/ranting, let's say Haruka is a male. Haruka: Now wait just a minute there, Beans! Just because Naoko made a few cryptic remarks in the manga doesn't mean that you can go off making me into a guy! Michiru: Hush now, Haruka, you agreed to help her with her story. And you are her patron muse. Besides, it's only for a story's time, after all. Haruka: But, Michiru, I *like* being gender inspecific. Michiru: And I love you for being so, but give the Bean a chance here. Ahahaha I forgot to mention that HarukaandMichiru insisted upon helping me with this. They'll be tossing in their comments along with mine. As I was saying, what if Haruka was actually a guy? There are some scenes that immediately pop into my mind that wouldn't have been possible if she was a 'he.' (In the most un-Ranma-ish of fashions..) ----- From: 'Love me Again' by Jackie Chiang [Haruka:] "I know _that_. But I don't understand why she [Michiru] keeps changing moods." "Time of the month?" Pluto's tone was amused. "Nah, she's always the second week of the month," Haruka said absently, tapping her finger on the window sill. "Same as me." Pluto made a choking sound. "Something wrong?" "God, Uranus, you sound so much like an insensitive _guy_ when you say that!" Haruka glared into the darkness angrily. "Guys don't have periods." [later on...] "Face it, Uranus, you're more of a guy than you'll admit." "I can prove otherwise." ----- Haruka: See?! I was having to defend my womanhood from Pluto. She of all people should have been supporting me in my time of crisis instead of cracking jokes. Michiru: Ara, Haruka, how *do* you manage not to show the... signs... of your cycle? Haruka: Easily, act as though it's always my time of the month, and people will never know the difference. Ahem! I didn't need that bit of advice. But it certainly does explain a lot. Haruka: Could you possibly find a more *embarrasing* example to start with? I could have gone looking for something from Oscar... anyhow... The question of Haruka's cycle also comes up in 'Distant.' ----- From: 'Distant' by Greenbeans She blanched slightly. "Er-, no, no problems with my new home. Everything is fine. It's just, um, my time of the month. That's all, my time of the month. I'll get over it soon." She smiled at him lopsidedly. "Well, I've got a race to win," she said jauntily before walking off. "Haruka," he [Yamagata] called to her back. "You're lying to me!" "I know." She waved at him before putting her helmet on and getting into her car. "Silly girl," he worked on putting his tools away. "We had your time of the month figured out years ago. It's marked on the calendar of my office if you never noticed." She probably had and changed it somehow just to be difficult. Evil child. Having a female on the team, even a masculine one, has been interesting. He would have never figured on it happening. Upon reflection, he decided that he enjoyed it. Haruka made life an adventure no matter where she was. ----- Haruka: Do you two have some sort of fascination with my menstral cycle or what? Is nothing sacred to you?! Next you'll be having me in a dress! Michiru: Don't give her ideas, Haruka... Ah yes, Haruka's discomfort in woman's clothing (which is really only a problem in the anime since Haruka does wear dresses in the manga). Haruka: Nice tangent there, Beans. Certainly having Haruka wearing a tux in fanfics would be more the norm if she were a male. On those rare (or not so rare, you mean spirited fic writers ;) occassions when Haruka must don the clothing that society has deemed fit, the tux would no longer work. (Unless she was going to be like one of those icky transsexual senshi wannabe Starlights). Michiru: Ara, it looks like Beans will be tied up with legal matters for a while. Shall we continue the story without her? Haruka: Might as well since she seems dedicated to making me into a guy. ----- From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan This close relationship was not missed by the other students. It only took a few months for the ugly rumors to start. The fact that Haruka refused to wear the girls uniform due to years of wearing boys clothing didn't help the matter. They were quickly shunned by many of the other students. The fact was that they didn't mind. They had each other. ----- Haruka: The boy's uniforms are more comfortable than the girl's, 'nuff said. Michiru: But don't you want to show off those sexy legs? Haruka: I'd rather watch than be watched. ----- From: 'Pain: The Lovers' by Jon Carp She [Haruka] wasn't dead. When they [Setsuna and Terrae] walked in, she turned to look at them, a huge smile on her face. A large pile of stuff lay beside her, Michiru's violin conspicuously on top. "Setsuna! Terrae! I'm glad you're here!" Her voice was abnormally high-pitched. And there was something else strange about her. She was wearing...a dress. She noticed them staring. "Oh, look at this," she said, and turned around so they could see the back. "I did some shopping, and this is what I found. Great, isn't it? Ha ha ha!" They both noticed the laugh, and the lunacy in it. It had been far too big and easy. "It was hard finding something that fit me, I wish I wasn't so big, but I thought this was really cute!" Her guests glanced at each other. "Sure," said Terrae. "Real cute." "Isn't it? What do you think, Setsuna?" She looked at her friend hopefully, but Setsuna couldn't think of anything to say. "What's the matter with her?" Terrae rubbed her hands together nervously. "She's...um... suprised." Haruka looked confused. "Why is she suprised?" Terrae thought for a second before answering. "Uh... you're not...well...dressed like a man, for one thing." Haruka looked even more confused. "Dressed like a...why would I be dressed like a man? I don't...oh wait. I used to do that, didn't I? A long time ago." She laughed again. "But why would you think I still do?" ----- Haruka: Oh great! Pull Carp into this. Beans really *does* have it out for me. Michiru: It's all right, Haruka, everyone is entitled to going insane every once in a while. Jackie Chiang's done it to me... Carp's done it to you, it's fair. Haruka: Why did she pull that scene up anyways? Michiru: I think it had to do with that 'Snap, I'm a woman now' effect. I doubt the shock value could have been more if you were actually a guy. Haruka: Thanks for the support, love... ----- From: 'Senshi Kurai' by Jackie Chiang "Hey, odango atama!" a cheerful voice said from behind them. Usagi felt one of her ponytails being yanked. The four girls spun around to see Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru standing there, wearing the distinctive uniforms of the Juuban High School. All three were wearing dresses, Haruka looking uncomfortable in hers. Other than that, she and her friends were obviously enjoying the Inner Senshi's shock. ----- Haruka: Hahaha! Thank you, Jackie! See? I don't *always* wear guys' clothing, even if the females' is uncomfortable. Michiru: I noticed that you were teasing Usagi again in that scene. Haruka: I've always enjoyed teasing that girl. Michiru: So we've noticed. Haruka: Michiru, bumpkin, sweetheart, lovely, don't tell me that you're jealous of my flirting occasionally. Michiru: Yes, I am, but you are a woman and that deters most. But if you were a man, I'd have to be much more protective of you. Besides, Usagi has Mamoru, and we all *know* how that relationship is going to work out. I don't have to worry about your flirting with her. ----- From: 'The End of the Beginning' by Tim Nolan She [Usagi] was about to explain when Haruka suddenly and quickly kissed her. That brought her to a complete, surprised stop as the other woman pulled back with that infuriating grin back on her face, the same one she used when she was teasing someone she actually liked. Despite her best efforts, Usagi knew that her face was looking like someone hit the reset switch on her brain right now. That had happened the other two times Haruka had done this to her. While she had seemingly been joking at those two times, she had learned enough about the woman over the last three years to understand one very important thing about her. She only did things like this to people that she really cared for. Haruka still did flirt with the girls who continued to fall for 'him' when they didn't realize just what she was at first. There was a point that she wouldn't go past, however. She might string them along for a little bit, but she never let it go for too long in order to assure that nobody was seriously hurt. ----- Michiru: You never told me that you *kissed* her. Haruka: Ow! Michiru, love bunny, sweetie, I had a reason! Go read the fic, you'll see. Michiru: And you won't even kiss me in public... Haruka: If I kiss Usagi, everyone *knows* that I'm teasing her. If I kiss you, they'll think there is more between us. Michiru: Are you saying there isn't? Haruka: Yes, er... NO... er... Looking like a guy and *being* a guy are two different things. People know that I'm a girl, and they'd think it weird if I kissed you. Michiru: So kissing me is weird now? Haruka: No! Oh, forget it, I'm going to lose no matter what... ----- From: 'Pain: The Lovers' by Jon Carp All the old emarressment, all the fears and the frustrations, gone forever. They started kissing in public, laughing in the face of all who would disapprove. ----- Haruka: I think I could get to liking that aspect of being a guy. Michiru: So, if you were a guy, you would kiss me in public all the time? Haruka: Er... Not all the time, I would have to carry on in the story occasionally, unless it was a lemon, then I could kiss you all I wanted... Augh, those Starlight lovers are vicious when they have the mind to be. So, where are we? Ah, I see. I've brought some more fics with me. Haruka: Wonderful, you found more things to pick on me with. Yep, let's start with those times that you were decidedly gender inspecific. ----- From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan Michiru had smiled at the confusion around her. The girls hadn't spent the time she had in studying the human body. That may have looked like a boy initially, but that 'boy' was a girl. She went in and quickly changed and ran to the track. The newcomer was jogging around the track while getting ready for the class. She stretched briefly and ran over and caught up to her. " Did you enjoy that?" she teased the other with a smile. " They're having a fit back there because they think you're a boy." " I never said I was." The voice startled Michiru. No wonder they were so upset. Her voice was deep enough to pass as a man. The other girl continued as they jogged around a turn. " How could you tell so easily if they were fooled by it?" Michiru smiled again. " I'm an artist. I've studied people. At first, you look like a boy with your height, short hair and deeper voice. When you're wearing that, I can tell that you are a girl due to the shape of your body. If you had been wearing normal clothes, I don't think I could know the difference." ----- Haruka: Ha! I didn't try to be inspecific, the girls were blind and couldn't tell a guy from a girl. Michiru: Not all the girls... Haruka: Of course not, but you're smarter than the average giggling school girl. All right, what about those times that you didn't want to be a girl? Haruka: Erk, don't you even pull Nolan out... Michiru: Too late, she's already hit Ctrl+V. ----- From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan " Even if she is as good as the others, we can't have a girl out there. Women haven't raced here before in Japan. This isn't the States. They won't go for it." This made her mad. This was her chance and she wasn't going to let this little VP of public relations who was just out of school ruin it for her. She lifted up her braid in one hand and a knife from a tool tray in the other. " Who's a girl?" she growled at him while cutting through her braid in one savage stroke. " I'm Haruka Ten'ou, the newest member of the team. There's no way they can tell I'm not a man in this suit and my now short hair isn't a giveaway. I'm tall enough to pass as a guy and my voice is deep enough. If we don't say anything, they'll simply think I'm a rookie who the team just hired. I'm racing here. Now, get out of my way." ----- Haruka: Now that wasn't fair! I wanted to race and that runt in a suit was going to stomp on my dreams! You understand how our culture is. I could only race if I was a man in appearance. So you did it *just* so you could race? There were no other motives behind it? Haruka: Of course! You can't hold the way I was made against me. Michiru: I'm sure she could find a way... I'm sure I could find a way as well. ----- From: 'Pooh's Bedtime Stories, Log 4: EricaandShelly' by Jackie Chiang, Greenbeans, et al. Erica goes to relieve herself. Shelley baps Erica on the head. Erica: "Owww ;_;" Shelley: "I keep tellin' ya to SIT like normal people! That standing crap doesn't work, ya keep missing." Erica: ;_; "I'm sorry... I keep on hoping that one day it will... If I keep on practicing." ----- Haruka: Michiru: Now there's a story that should have never been told... Haruka: I want to know what they were on when they wrote it. Michiru: They misnamed us on purpose, ripped off at least eight other stories, and had inuendos around every corner. Quite a piece of work. Haruka: Kami-sama, not another scene from it... ----- From: 'Pooh's Bedtime Stories, Log 4: EricaandShelly' by Jackie Chiang, Greenbeans, et al. Shelley: "Why don'tcha just... grow a couple of parts, Erica? Y'know... We're in Sailor Moon world where anything can happen. Just wish upon a star or something," Erica forces Serena to grant her wish. Erica makes out with Shelley. Shelley makes out with Eric. Shelley: "So... what'dya wish for?" Erica: "You should know." Shelley: "The parts, right? I mean, it's impossible to have a kid without the right equipment." Erica: "Yep. Like how they look on me?" Shelley: "Yeah, those and the breasts go pretty damn well together." Erica: "Not that I had a lot of chest to begin with." Shelley: "No, you had looots of talent." ----- Haruka: I-will-get-you-for-that. Michiru: You deserve that, you know... That was a nice rip-off of a line in the prologue to 'The End of the Beginning.' Haruka: I deny having anything to do with that twisted story! That wasn't a fair one to use since the authors were *trying* to make us look bad. Fine, we'll drop the angle of you wanting to be a man. (And anything that authors may have been having you do to accomplish that.) There are plenty of other people who want you to be one. ----- From: 'The Kaioh family comes for a visit? An unexpected revelation.' by Ilana Tavan "I [Haruka] tried to beat up your [Michiru's] mother? I don't believe it. What really happened?" "After you grabbed her, she realized the error of her ways. She says she'd never seen any man defend his girlfriend the way you did, and that your devotion must have come from somewhere. That somewhere, she decided, was her daughter's charm and good looks, which had bewitched you, and made you desire me so much that you wanted to become a man. This explains the cross-dressing and male mannerisms in your speech. There we have it. Keiko was in hysterics. She thinks the whole thing is some cosmic joke or comic book." "I want to become a man? That's some rationalization your mother has created for herself." "As long as she's not threatening to kill either of us and leaves us it peace, it's fine with me. She can think anything she wants." "She won't bring up the operation, will she?" "I told her it was too expensive for you right now." "And she offered to finance it?" "How did you guess?" ----- The operation being a sex change one. Haruka: This has gone far enough, Beans! I agreed to play the part of guy for this rant of yours, but then you pull out this. I AM A WOMAN!!! Haruka: As I said in that Lovers' Park episode of the S season: 'The show's over.' Michiru: Sorry, Beans, you'll have to conclude this on your own... and I wouldn't expect your patron muse to be helping you with your fics anytime soon. I guess there is the best example of why Haruka couldn't be a guy. --- I hope this pointless rant has done nothing, offended no one, and that my patron muse will forgive me sometime within the next year. All fics used in this were without the authors' permission (please don't hurt me). All characters were used without permission (please don't hurt me). My e-mail address (for some much deserved flaming) is gbeans@tyrlen.org (please don't hurt me). Greenbeans