The boy sneered at her before lunging forward.  His 
larger frame and momentum pushed them back until she 
found herself on the ground.  She was quick in her 
attempt to regain footing, but it was only an attempt.  
Before she could block, his fist connected with her 
cheek.

The world became dark.

It took her a few moments to come around again.  The 
world spun around her.  She fought to bring it into 
focus.

The boy took the opportunity to smear mud produced by 
the previous night's storm on her uniform, hair, and 
face.  Feebly she batted him away to no effect.

She cleared the mud from her eyes.  A cool hateful 
glare met his cocky posturing.

They laughed at her.  Everyone laughed at her.  They 
teased about how the mighty had fallen.  Didn't she 
look pretty in her dress now?  The blonde haired 
princess.

She didn't ask for their words.  She never said these 
things they accused her of.

Tears mixed with the rain that began to fall again.

The victor kicked mud on her before turning away.

"I beat you.  I *beat* you...."

She awoke with a fast beating heart.

"It was just a dream.  Just a dream." She took deep 
breaths and continued to tell herself that.  She swung 
her legs over the side of the bed.  Shaky hands 
scrubbed her face then combed back her sweat soaked 
hair.

"Shimatta," she cursed softly.  It wasn't a dream, it 
was a memory.

She pushed herself off her bed and went to the bathroom.  
A hot shower helped to clear away the chilling grips of 
the dream.  She leaned her head against the tiles, 
letting the water pour on her like it had that day.  
She had been spending too much time remembering as of 
late.

"Shimatta," she hit her fist against the tiles in 
frustration.

Try as she might, she couldn't stop from remembering 
the rest of that God forsaken day.  

She ran.  She ran with no desire to ever stop.  Behind 
her she had left her hurt, her shame, her *chains*.  
It was that day that she had decided to stop trying to 
live up to other peoples expectations for her.  

That day she became Ten'ou Haruka.

********************

Distant

by Greenbeans <gbeans@tyrlen.org>

********************

She unpacked the last of her few things.  She had 
rented this apartment two days prior.  It was spacious 
for a single person with a view that justified the 
extravagant cost.  It was the view that had convinced 
her.  She loved to watch the sky above her, as though 
it were a part of her.

After putting the last books into place, she walked 
over to the large windows that overlooked Tokyo.  She 
sat down on one the of windows' deep ledges and tucked 
her knees underneath her chin.  Already she had decided 
that this would be her thinking spot.

"Why am I here?"

The question begged to be answered on several levels.  
None of the answers were easy ones to come to, or accept 
if she did manage to reach a conclusion.

Literally, she was here, in the Ten'ou Tower, because 
after years of never fitting in at home she finally 
left.  Their was more to it than that, for her story 
wasn't that simple.  Nothing seemed simple for her.

-----

"Ruka-chan, what happened?!"

Her father called over a lad to finish serving the 
customer he was with.  He lifted the counter flap so 
that she could come back to his office.  She followed 
him past the mixers, ovens, and bakers that had 
occupied so much of her father's time.

The fight occurred after school had let out.  She was 
being teased again about what a proper and perfect 
young lady she was.  

That was something that her mother had started. She 
didn't care at all for the effort or attention it 
required to be as ladylike as her mother desired. 

Everyone teased her about how she was a little princess.  
Going to grow up to be just like her mother.  Her 
mother was a public official who considered her image 
to be everything.  Haruka was often seen as a tarnish 
to that image.  Her mother feared that Haruka would
affect how others viewed her, so she was forced to
conform.

Being like her mother was the furthest thing from what 
she wanted.  She couldn't make them understand that, 
and she lacked the patience to explain.  Tempers 
flared -- well, hers at least.  It was over before it 
started.  The boy was larger, stronger, faster than her.  
She didn't stand a chance against him.

After that, she ran home.  She ran as fast as her legs 
would carry her.  No one was around this time of day.  
Grabbing a clean set of clothes from her room along the 
way, she went to the bath to clean up.  It had taken her 
forever to get all the mud out of her long sandy blonde 
hair.

She could hide the bruises on her knees and elbows, but 
not the bright shiner that was beginning to take shape 
on her face.  As to her choice of which parent got to 
see it first, her father would be the more understanding.

Washed up and dressed in her favorite shirt and breeches, 
she walked the short distance to his bakery.  Many times 
she had been scolded by her mother that it was dangerous 
for little girls to walk alone like this.  But her father 
never complained when she showed up looking for a snack 
or hug.  Afterwards, he would send one of his assistants 
to walk her home.  She didn't mind since often a goodie 
would accompany her as well.

Her father picked her up and placed her on the chair at 
his desk.  His office was cramped and only allowed room 
for two if they were close.  He brushed aside a few 
strands of hair to get a better look at her face.  She 
didn't try to hide the mark behind her hair.  Once 
washed, it was returned to its customary braid.

"Fighting again?"  His voice was soft with understanding.

She looked at the floor.

A finger was placed under her chin.  He lifted her face 
gently so that she could see his eyes.  They were a green 
that matched her own.  "Your mother will be disappointed 
to hear that.  Were the boys teasing you again?"

She nodded, his finger still bracing her chin.

He carefully pulled her from his chair, lifting her up, 
seating himself down with her in his lap.  He put both 
arms around her in a loose hug.  She curled up into a 
ball and snuggled against him.  Once they were both 
settled, he spoke again in his gentle baritone.

"Ruka-chan, we've had this talk before.  You can't let 
the boys words get to you.  Words can sting you and 
annoy you, but they cannot harm you like a fist can.  
You understand the difference?"

"Yes, Father," she answered quietly.

"Your mother and I try very hard to protect you from 
the people who wish to harm you, but we cannot always 
be there.  Sometimes, you must protect yourself.  The 
best way to do that is to be smarter than those who 
wish to cause you harm."

"Yes, Father," she laid her head on his chest and let 
his words sooth her.

He again pushed back her few loose bangs and hugged her.  
"We love you, Ruka-chan.  We never want to see you hurt.  
It worries us when you are, so please be careful."

"Yes, Father," she mumbled before finally drifting off 
to sleep.

-----

Haruka squinted at the sun that now faced her.  Looking 
at the wall clock, she was dismayed to learn that she 
had spent a good two hours staring out the window.  She 
stood up from the ledge and stretched out her long body.

She had wanted to spend today exploring her new 
surroundings.  It was warm enough out that a jacket 
would have been unbearable.  Once she reached the 
lobby she inquired to where a good cafe was.  After 
her walk, she would go check it out.

Outside the door, she straightened her tie before 
heading in a southerly direction.  As always, the 
people she shared the sidewalk with gave her a wide 
berth.  Why this happened, she wasn't quite sure; it 
could have been her unusual height or dominating 
demeanor.  Whatever it was, she was thankful for it 
because it allowed her to move along with more speed.

Speed... that's what she desired the most.  To go fast 
and to leave all this behind her.  But she couldn't do 
that, not yet, but soon... 

That was her dream.  Her move to this area had 
lengthened her commute to the race track, but that 
wouldn't decrease her frequency of visits. It had taken 
her years worth of effort to attain her privileged 
position as a driver for the team.  It was the thing 
that she valued above all else.

She strolled past most of the small shops she came 
across.  The exception was an open air fruit stand, 
where she bought an apple to snack on.  

Not far past the fruit stand did the buildings that had 
lined her path fall away in favor of a park.  Taking 
another bite from the fruit in hand, she decided to 
explore the park now instead of later.  It had been a 
while since she had last walked through lush grasses 
for the sake of doing it.

The warm day had encouraged people to come outdoors.  
'So these are my new neighbors,' she thought 
distractedly while watching some children play on the 
swings, slides, and other equipment that was provided.

She leaned up against a tree to watch them play.  A 
small, rueful smile crossed her lips.  This is how 
life was supposed to have been.

-----

She bowed her head in apparent acceptance of her 
mother's words, but on the inside she burned.  Her 
mother was outraged after learning of this latest 
scrape and hadn't bothered to hide it.

It wasn't her fault that the boys teased her.  She 
didn't even *like* wearing the dresses her mother 
forced upon her.  She was being punished from both 
sides in what could almost be considered a conspiracy 
to make her life miserable.

Bitter tears slipped down her cheeks before she was 
dismissed.  She returned to her room and sulked.  
Tears silently fell as she listened to her mother's 
continuing anger in the family room.

"You should be more patient with her," her father's 
low voice soothed.

"Patient?  How many times does this make?  You expect 
patience when she continues to rough it up at school?"

Haruka bit down on her pillow to relieve some of her 
anger.  It wasn't her fault!  Why couldn't she see 
that?  *She* was the one that was causing her problems.  
If she were allowed to just be herself, she could 
handle the guys.  She was afraid to act in most cases 
because of the dress she was in and her mother's anger 
at seeing yet *another* one ruined because of her 'hot 
temper.'

She laughed to herself in disgust.  It was easy to see 
where she had acquired that from.

"Ruka-chan has a wild spirit like her grandfather.  Age 
and experience will tame her."  

It was an often used defense that had grown thin long 
ago.  The response she expected didn't come forth.  
Instead, a new, more dreaded answer followed.

"I will tame her wild spirit.  I always wanted a 
daughter, and, by God, I will have her!"

Her heart froze.  Oh, God, she looked around her room 
like a caged animal.  She wanted to scream in fear.  
There was nothing that repulsed her more than that 
very idea.

Why wouldn't her mother let her be?  She wasn't that 
hard of a person to understand.  She had always been 
clear with her feelings.  But her mother didn't want 
that...  She didn't want *her*.

Dejectedly, she flopped onto her bed.  Her mother 
didn't want her.  She wanted some other person that 
was a perfect lady, never got into a fight, and 
received perfect marks in school.  

She had tried, oh, how she had tried!  Her best efforts 
always fell short somehow.  It seemed that her grades 
were never quite high enough, though she consistently 
ranked within the top five on tests.  She tried to act 
as her mother had dictated was proper, but it wasn't 
natural for her; thus it was a struggle.

The door to her room opened suddenly.  Her mother stood 
before her with a disapproving look to her.  She 
grimaced at her before saying, "I will be picking you 
up from school tomorrow, don't make me wait."  

She eyed her.  Haruka could feel her disapproval at her 
breeches and shirt.  "That will soon be taken care of as 
well," she said to herself while continuing to examine 
her daughter like a work of art that she didn't care 
for.  She sighed and closed the door to her room.

-----

"Hey, mister, will you please toss us back our ball?"  
Haruka looked around her before spotting the soccer 
ball nearby.  She knelt over and picked the ball up with 
her right hand.  A fleeting image of her long fingers 
gripping the ball passed though her mind before she 
tossed it over to the young boy.

She continued her interrupted stroll.  This was a 
beautiful park, but she wasn't in the mood to enjoy it.  
There was an open bench near the central fountain.  She 
sat down and laid her arms on the back rest while 
watching the water dance before her.

People on walks passed between her and the fountain.  
As they passed by, she would catch snippets of their 
conversations.

Two school girls came near.

"So what was it like?"  One asked excitedly.

"Well, it hurts, but only for a moment," her companion 
answered.

"I wish my mom would let me get my ears pierced..." 
they continued walking.

Haruka fought back the urge to follow them and point 
out how much it did hurt.  She glowered at the water 
before her.  'Why people pay to have someone injure 
them, I will never understand.' She looked to the girls 
again.

The one girl was admiring the other.  'Baka...'

-----

Haruka stood outside the gates to her school and waited 
patiently for her mother.  She soon arrived in the 
family car.  She crawled into the front seat and 
buckled in.  Her mother hadn't even greeted her.

They drove in silence to their destination.

Haruka's eyes widened slightly in appreciation of the 
size of the mall her mother took them to.  She held 
onto her mother's hand for fear of becoming lost in 
such a huge and crowded place.  She led them past 
several stores before she took them into one.

Haruka glanced around her in the jewelry store with 
mild interest.

"Come on, Ruka-chan." Her attention returned to her 
mother as she was sat up onto a chair.

The lady that her mother had been speaking to came over 
to them with a pleasant smile.  Haruka furrowed her 
brows and looked around her again.  Something didn't 
seem right here.

The lady continued to smile as she slipped on a pair of 
gloves.  She opened up a small drawer and took out a 
device with a trigger that resembled a gun in some ways.  
Her eyes bulged wide at the sudden realization of what 
was about to occur.

She tried to squirm out of the seat, but her mother held 
tight onto her hand.  "Ruka-chan, behave."

"Mother, I'm scared.  Don't make me do this," she pleaded.  
Her only way out would be if she could convince her that 
this was a bad idea.

"Oh?"  The lady stopped cleaning her lobes to ask.  "It 
will only sting for a moment.  Then you will look like 
a pretty young lady," she smiled.

She cried a little in fear.  It wasn't the actual act 
that scared her, it was what it symbolized.  She didn't 
want to a 'pretty young lady'.  And if she did, having 
her ears pierced didn't make the difference, it was 
what was on the inside that mattered.  The Sunday 
school teacher had taught them that.

She continued to try to get out of the chair, but her 
mother firmly held her in.  The lady tried to calm her, 
but it was no use.  Finally, with one hand she firmly 
held onto her chin while with the other she placed the 
gun.  "Please stay still or I may hurt you."

She froze, but it was from the fear that she did so.  
Horrified, time slowed to a crawl as she watched the 
lady pulling the trigger.  There was a click and a 
stinging in her ear coinciding with it.

The lady pulled back to reload the gun.  Haruka's heart 
sunk to her shoes.  Her mind refused to accept the 
twisted idea of what just happened to her.  

She was in a mild state of shock; her will to fight 
diminished.  The opening was taken and her other ear 
done quickly.  The lady smiled proudly and turned her 
around to face a mirror.  She saw these 'improvements', 
but her mind repulsed the idea.  She closed her eyes 
and refused to accept it.  The urge to throw up nearly 
overwhelmed her.

Her mother pulled her from the chair and smiled happily.  
"Don't you look proper now?"  She beamed.

Haruka didn't answer.

-----

"You hurt me.  You hurt me in ways that you wouldn't 
understand..." she murmured softly.  The girls were 
gone, along with the afternoon.  It was nearly dinner 
time and she had gotten nothing accomplished today.

She stood up from the bench and made her way to the 
cafe.  The brisk pace she maintained helped to clear 
her mind of all the random thoughts that plagued her.  
She was unfocused, and it frustrated her.

The cafe was a warm, friendly looking place.  She sat 
down at a booth and waited to the served.  A girl in 
her teens with auburn hair took her order, then 
quickly returned with the coffee she had requested.

'Snap out of it, Haruka,' she scolded herself.  She had 
a lot to do tomorrow that she could have gotten started 
on today if she hadn't putzed about.  She needed to go 
by the track and check on her car.  There was a race 
coming up this weekend.

That and getting ready for school, she reminded herself.  
She had registered at Mugen Gakuen, but she had yet to 
pick up her uniforms or books.  The prospect of the new 
school year was met with indifference.  School was just 
another way that her time was spent.  She would have 
rather spent it working on her racer, but she didn't 
have a choice in the matter.

In fact, a fair number of her past difficulties could 
probably be traced back to her having too much time on 
her hands.  Admittedly, once she began running in track, 
the opportunities for her to get into a scrape decreased.  
She had wanted to play baseball as well for her former 
school, but they wouldn't allow a girl on a guys' team.  
It was a policy that both her and the coach bristled at 
since she had already proven to be a skilled pitcher.

-----

"Haruka?  Haruka?"  She heard her father calling for her 
as he walked up the path to the field near the housing 
project.  This was the place where the guys came to play 
baseball games between the different buildings of the 
project.

She smiled slightly.  It had taken her a bit to convince 
the boys of her building to allow her to play with them, 
but once she had, they didn't regret it.  She was a 
daemon on the pitching mound while looking like a 'tame 
little girl' as a boy from another team had put it.  The 
other teams would snicker at the thought of her being 
good.  Their laughing would stop once they were reseated 
on their half of the field sulking about being struck 
out by a girl.

She had won the respect of her team members and was 
slowly gaining the respect of her opposition as well.  
The thought brought a smile to her lips.

Her father stopped short of the diamond and waited for 
her patiently.  She smiled at him for allowing her to 
finish pitching the inning.  Her smile turned to a smirk 
as she wound up for the next pitch.  The ball flew right 
past the boy that had dared to challenge it.

Two more pitches flew with likewise results.  Her team 
cheered at her success in winning another game for them.  
The boys mobbed her on the mound and patted her on the 
back.  Her father also walked out to the mound.  The 
boys cleared away to return to their own parents and 
dinner.

He knelt down to her level before hugging her.  He then 
picked her up and carried her with him.  "You pitch 
well," he complimented.

"Thank you for showing me that pitch," she grinned.  
"I put it to good use today!"  She smiled even more and 
hugged him.

"You're welcome, Ruka-chan.  How did your day with your 
mother go?"

Her smile faded.  "Papa..." she whispered softly before 
hugging him tightly.

"Haruka?"  He stopped walking and looked at her 
concerned.

She was almost on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong?"  He asked gently.  She sniffled a 
little and told him about what happened at the jewelry 
store.  He listened patiently, as he always did, until 
she was finished spilling her sorrows to him.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he murmured.  He held 
her chin and examined her.  He smiled slightly at her.  
"I know that you don't want to hear this, but you do 
look good."

She grimaced at his compliment.  He laughed at her 
expression and hugged her.  "Ruka-chan, you shouldn't 
be so sensitive.  I know that you don't like to think 
in terms of 'pretty' or 'ladylike', but don't confuse 
that with looking sharp.  I think that you look just 
fine with your ears pierced and that has nothing to do 
with your mother's motives.  It fits the build of your 
face well."  He continued walking.

She mulled over his words, seeing the logic in them.  
Her father was always good at logic, he put everything 
in simple, easy to understand terms.  There *was* a 
difference between being 'girlish' and looking good, 
she decided.  Well then, she didn't care about the 
girlish, but she had nothing against looking good.

The stupid boys were just that.  They hadn't missed 
the difference and had teased her some about it.  They 
didn't go too far in fear that she would refuse to 
pitch if they did.  But they didn't matter.  What 
mattered was what she thought of herself.

She hugged her father silently as he carried her into 
their apartment.

-----

Haruka smiled slightly at the waitress as she set down 
her meal; her anger from earlier today nearly forgotten.  
She wondered if the coach at this new school would allow 
her to play on the baseball team.

"Do you know anything about Mugen Gakuen?"  She asked 
the girl before she left.

"The Academy in the Delta District?  I hear that it is 
an elite school.  You have to place very well on the 
entrance exams to even be considered for admission.  It 
teaches mostly advanced courses.  A challenge for anyone 
who can get in," she nodded to emphasize her point.

Haruka doubted that she would even be considered if she 
did have the grades.

The girl confirmed this when she continued.  "I wouldn't 
even try for admittance.  The standards are just too 
high for me and most people," she smiled.

"Thank you," Haruka looked to the meal before her.  
She wasn't really that hungry, but she had missed 
lunch today and needed to eat.

Definitely track, she decided.  Sports were a good 
distraction.  They were easy for her.  Too easy most 
of the time, but occasionally a worthy opponent would 
present themselves.  She valued those few that provided 
her with a challenge.  They were to be treasured for 
their rarity.

She left the cafe and a good tip with the waitress.  
Slowly, she worked her way back to her home in the 
Ten'ou Tower.  The winds tossed her hair about, 
played with it, defying her to keep it tame.

She didn't even try.  

She enjoyed the breezes.  The sensation of the winds 
through her hair was like that of a caress by a gentle 
lover.  She longed for it.

Without knowing why, or even really caring, she had 
always felt as though she was the wind personified.  
Her life held many strong gales of resistance spattered 
with storms that threatened to destroy her.  But it was 
also gentle sometimes, playfully teasing her to look 
deeper, to find more -- a promise, a kiss... she was 
the wind.

*****

She woke up before the alarm went off.  Today was going 
to be a good day she felt.  She stretched out, then went 
in for a shower.  It would have been a good morning for 
a bath, but she didn't have the time for that.  She 
needed to get down to the race track.  

A quick breakfast was eaten while riding down the 
elevator.  

In the garage she smiled slightly at the sight of her 
motorcycle.  Lightly she ran a finger across its body 
before mounting.  It was probably going to be warm again 
today, but that didn't stop her from wearing her leathers.  
The bike roared to life.  With gloves and helmet in place, 
she took off for the track.

"Good morning, Ten'ou-san," the head mechanic, Yamagata, 
called to her as she pulled up.

"Good morning," she answered politely.  "How is the car 
coming?"

"She's purring like a kitten," he proclaimed proudly.  
"She'll do you right, just you see."

She patted him on the back.  "I'm sure she will carry 
me to victory lane."

"That she will," he nodded.  "Come take a look at this 
modification to the fuel pump.  I think it will..."

-----

'A little older, a little wiser,' the new school year 
had began poorly for her, or, more precisely, poorly 
for her mother.  She had grown an impressive amount 
since last year.  So much so that there were no female 
uniforms that would fit her.

She had been thrilled when the school decided to issue 
her male uniforms instead, but she kept that to herself.  
Her mother had tried everything short of sewing her 
uniforms herself to get the females' uniforms for her.  
For now, there was nothing that could be done about it.  
She *did* have to go to school after all, even if it 
meant wearing the guys' uniform.

She pulled on a blazer over top of the dress shirt and 
tie that her mother despised so much.  Happy with what 
she wore, she ran out to the family room for breakfast.

Her mother had left for work early this morning, as 
usual, but her father was still here.

"Good morning, Ruka-chan," he greeted as she came into 
the room.  "Well, aren't you looking fine today?"  He 
teased gently.

She had noticed that he had been complimenting her more 
often on her choices for clothing whether her mother 
cared for the outfit or not.  At first, it had always 
caused her to blush whenever he said something kind.  
But now she found herself trying to come up with 
something new that he might like.  

She didn't care what her mother's opinion was, that had 
been established long ago.  Her father's, on the other 
hand, was welcome because there might be some insight or 
idea that she had never thought of before.  It made her 
seek out his advice and long to hear his words of praise.

Haruka smiled at him and pulled her tie straight.  "I 
like this uniform better than the girl's one," she 
admitted while sitting down at the table.

"I don't doubt that you do." He had prepared a western 
style breakfast this morning.  She couldn't get used to 
the amounts of sugar that westerners poured on their 
foods, but she did like rolled pancakes with a light 
coating of jam to give it taste.

He joined her at the table.  Together, they bowed their 
heads to say a word of thanks before their meal.

"Enjoy it while you can," he said while spreading jam 
onto his pancake.  "As soon as we can get some uniforms 
that are the right size, you are switching back."

"Yes, father," she replied obediently between bites.

He smiled at her.  "I shouldn't let you wear breeches 
as often as I do.  You realize that distresses your 
mother to no end.  She's got the notion that I'm 
raising you to be a boy."

Haruka was slightly startled at this sudden admission.  
Her father had always been honest with her whenever she 
asked a question.  But there were always questions that 
she didn't dare ask.  There were things that she knew 
by instinct, an unspoken understanding, not to ask, 
that he was bringing to the light.

"I'm not a boy," she replied carefully.

"Of course you're not, Ruka-chan!"  He laughed 
hesitantly.  "Perhaps I didn't phrase myself clearly.  
Your mother thinks that I am raising you to be like a 
boy since you do not have a brother to carry on the 
bakery."

She thought about it.  "Do you want me to carry on the 
bakery?"

"What I want isn't important, I've made the decisions 
of what my life is going to be.  You still have those 
decisions lying in wait before you.  So the question 
is: 'Do you want to carry on the bakery?'"

She turned away from him to focus on her meal.  What did 
she want to do with her life?  Many of her classmates 
wanted to become doctors, or musicians, but what did she 
want to do?  She'd never thought about it before.

A different idea hit her.  It was a question that had 
been disturbing her for the last several months.  
Perhaps now was the time to get an answer.

"I don't know, Father," she answered his question.  
"But I do have a question for you.  Before I was born, 
and you still didn't know, did you want me to be a boy 
or a girl?"

It was the first time she had ever seen a startled look 
on her father's face.  Her question had taken him off 
guard.  He quickly composed himself again and smiled at 
her.  "I wanted *you*, Haruka.  I didn't care if you 
were male or female.  All I wanted was to hold the sweet 
child in my arms and admire the life I had helped bring 
into this world."

"Do you love me?"  She whispered uncertainly.

She got to see him startled a second time.  Today was 
definitely one for rare things.  He rose from the chair 
he was seated in to kneel next to her.  He took her 
hands into his own before speaking softly to her.  
"There are three that I love: the Lord, your mother, 
and you.  Don't ever think that I will stop loving you.  
No matter what kind of trouble you get in.  I gave a 
part of myself to you when you were born.  That is 
something that can never be taken away."

"Oh, Papa."  She put her arms around his neck and 
hugged him.  So often it felt like she was facing the 
world alone.  But if he loved her, supported her, she 
knew that she could stand up to those that wanted to 
see her fail.

He hugged her back as well.  "No matter what, we love 
you," he repeated as she wept softly onto his shoulder.  
It had been of greater concern to her than she had 
realized.  After her tears were spent, she wiped her 
eyes onto his shoulder and pulled away.

She sat back in her chair and expected her father to 
return to his, but he didn't.  Instead, he left her 
alone at the table to return a few moments later.  She 
tried to turn around to see him since he was right 
behind her.  Instead, she saw a brief flash of gold as 
he placed something around her neck.

He fastened the delicate chain after moving her braid 
out of the way.  She looked down at the necklace to see 
a gold cross bright in the morning sunlight.

"What's this?"  She asked softly.  It was a beautiful 
piece.  Simple.  It didn't scream for attention, but 
was nonetheless there.

"Something that your grandfather wanted you to have 
before he passed away.  He asked me to give it to you 
when you were ready.  I believe that today is that day." 
He knelt down to her level again.  "Do you think that 
you are ready?"

She looked down at the cross before answering in a 
whisper.  "Yes, Father."

"Haruka, you will always be loved by someone.  Never 
doubt that fact."  He hugged her once more before 
returning to his meal.

-----

"See it?"

"Yeah... just a little bit... ah, got it," Haruka 
leaned back from the engine she had been working on.  
She wiped her brow off with the back of her hand.

Yamagata checked over her work.  "You don't need to do 
this, you know.  You just need to get the car around to 
track as fast as possible.  It doesn't say anywhere in 
your contract that you need to work on the car also." 
He grinned at her.  It was an often heard jibe.

"I like working on the cars I drive in.  I know that 
you could do it quicker and better, but I still want 
to help.  I want to learn."  She wiped the tools she 
had been using off with a shop towel before putting 
them away.

"That's what makes you different than the other drivers.  
It's no wonder that you're popular with the mechanics." 
He gestured to the others in the shop.

"And I don't mind testing the cars for them."

He laughed at her lopsided smile.  It was true.  Most 
drivers didn't like doing the testing.  Haruka simply 
liked to drive.  It didn't matter if it were in a 
race, though her mentality was certainly differed if 
it were, she just wanted to speed about the course.  
It often reminded him of his own days as a driver.

She was a good kid.  Enthusiastic.  Smart.  Quick.  
Talented.  He had nearly adopted her as his own.  She 
had started as the 'pet' of the shop.  A go-for.  But 
she had charmed her way into better things.  Oh, yes, 
she had done just that.  He had seen her use that 
smile on others and had fallen victim to it himself.

One couldn't help but to be drawn to her.  She was like 
a flame to a moth.  Impossible to explain what brought 
you close, but its pull was just as difficult to resist.

Funny that.  She was a quiet girl.  Didn't speak much 
of her family.  At first, he had thought that she 
didn't have one because she was always here.  Then, 
after several months of her hanging about, her father 
finally came looking for her.  He seemed like a nice 
enough man.  He could see where Haruka had gotten her 
looks and mild tone from.

He'd never seen her mother.  Once he asked her why.  
His heart almost broke at the answer.  She'd been 
working on a car right then.  She'd dropped her 
wrench at the very mention of her mother.  The only 
thing she would say was that she 'wasn't interested'.

It was a simple statement that could have easily meant 
that she didn't enjoy racing.  But he got the feeling 
that their was more than that.  Also to imply that her 
mother wasn't interested in her.

From that day forth, he was an advocate of Ten'ou Haruka.  
He knew that she also held the rest of the crew's 
support whether she realized it or not.  He knew her 
well enough that she wouldn't call upon their loyalty 
to her, even if she needed it.  She was one who wanted 
to face the storms on her own.  Not fiercely independent, 
more like she blamed herself for the storm's coming and 
felt responsible for handling it herself.

It was a crazy way to look at things, but he knew she 
saw things in that light.  He tried to support her as 
discreetly as he could.  She wouldn't accept an 
outstretched hand in and of itself, but there were ways 
to hide it.

Haruka lived for what happened here in this garage.  He 
like her attitude, but it wasn't necessarily healthy for 
a lass her age to not have any friends.  In all his time 
of knowing her, she had never brought someone by to meet 
the team.  Not a female friend, and certainly not a 
boyfriend.

He wondered about that a little.  There were plenty of 
young handsome men out on the circuit that she could 
have gotten a crush on.  He would have even supported 
her developing a relationship with one of them while 
maintaining the secret of her sex if she had wanted.  
But she didn't want any of them.  He had once 
off-handily pointed one lad that he was fond of out 
to her.  She looked at him, shook her head, and 
walked away.

This worried him, but there was nothing to be done.  
If she wasn't interested, she wasn't interested.  He 
would have felt better if she were, but it wasn't his 
choice.

He contented himself with supporting her when she would 
let him past those barriers that guarded the true 
Ten'ou Haruka from the world at large.  He would never 
know what caused her to close up so tightly.  It must 
have been a deep hurt.  Those rare times that she would 
let something slip or she would make some off comment 
he valued because of her trust in him.  She didn't give 
that to many people.

-----

It was a nice day outside.  Too bad she was stuck 
indoors where she didn't want to be.  She sighed softly 
and pulled her attention back to her subject of study.  
Lightly, she placed her fingers upon the keyboard before 
her and played the exercise she had been performing once 
more.

It was boring, it was slow, and she hated it.  This was 
another one of her mother's wonderful ideas to make her 
into a proper 'lady'.  She didn't see how playing the 
piano made someone a lady.  If that were true, than her 
mother wasn't a lady, along with most of her friends.

She snickered at the thought. 

"Haruka, you're playing too quick for the set tempo, 
slow down," her teacher scolded.  That was her biggest 
problem.  She unconsciously tried to speed the pieces 
up.  They were, for the most part, bland exercises.  
She wanted to play something with a beat, something 
fast.  But no, she was stuck playing scales and other 
equally lacking pieces.

"Haruka," the teacher warned.  She returned her 
attention to the exercise.

The teacher watched with an impartial expression.  
After she finished, the teacher nodded.  "Very well, 
that will be all for today.  Please practice the pieces 
on pages 15-20 for next time."

"Yes, ma'am."  She picked her music up from the stand 
and placed it into a folder.  She left the small room 
to go outside and wait to be picked up.

She really didn't dislike piano lessons.  They were 
easy for her, like most things were.  She despised the 
motives behind them though.  The more her mother pushed, 
the more she wanted to rebel.  It wasn't a very 
diplomatic way to handle things, but that's what she 
was feeling.

Her father had been a blessing to her during these 
times of trial.  Nowadays, her mother was nearly 
unbearable to be around, but her father continued to 
support her.  It was for him that she was patient and 
continued to play.  The teacher had told her that she 
had talent, but she didn't care.  This was nothing she 
was going to take on with her to later life, it was 
merely something to past the time with.

-----

"Ten'ou-san!"  One of the apprentice mechanics called 
to her as she walked to her bike.  She stopped walking 
to allow him to catch up with her.

"Hiyama-kun," she greeted politely.  He wasn't much 
older than her, only a year or two, but she treated 
everyone on the team with equal respect.  Even the 
Americans, who squirmed at the use of honorific 
suffixes.

"Ah," he fidgeted a little before saying his piece.  
"I know that you recently moved to the Delta District.  
My family is from that area.  I was wondering if I 
could perhaps help you become more acquainted with 
your new home?  Show you around some?"

She put a hand on his shoulder.  "It's kind of you to 
offer, but I think I've got it handled."  She smiled 
slightly.

She continued to her bike.  With a wave, she sped off.

Back at the garage, Yamagata was cursing her refusal of 
Hiyama's offer.  He knew where he was from.  He realized 
that the lad had a crush on the tall girl for a while 
now.  He thought that she might go for the idea out of 
practical reasons, and it might develop into something 
more.

"Dammit, girl!  You're too proud, too distant."  He 
shoved a shop towel into his pocket in frustration 
before getting back to work.

-----

She left the office of the child psychologist more than 
a little confused.  Her father was waiting for her in 
the lobby.  She came up to him and hugged him.

She had cried.  She hated it when she cried.  This man 
had brought forth her tears in full stream.  He had hit 
too many raw nerves for her not to let her frustrations 
out.

Her mother had insisted that she be taken to this man.  
She didn't say it outright, but she knew that she 
wanted to know what was 'wrong' with her.  She told the 
man that too.

In her opinion, there was nothing 'wrong' with her.  
They just didn't understand her.  It caused her even 
more frustration because she tried to be as clear with 
them as she could.  They didn't want to see the truth, 
so they kept on looking for excuses.

^^^^^

"I have spoken with Haruka."  The psychologist had 
scheduled an appointment with her parents for the 
following day.  Haruka was not present since it would 
be easier for him to discuss her prognosis without her 
being there.

"Do you know what's wrong with her, doctor?"  Her 
mother asked.

He bowed his head slightly.  So it was as the girl had 
said.  He changed his plan for discussing the subject 
with them.  She was going to be the difficult one.  
Haruka trusted her father, but she watched her mother 
with a wary eye.

"There is nothing 'wrong' with her.  In fact, she is a 
very bright young girl.  I would come to expect great 
things from her *if* she is given the room to grow."

"We want what's best for her.  Please, what do you 
recommend."  Her father was placid, as she had 
described him, and seemed to have a true interest in 
her well being.

"First, let me address your concerns regarding her.  
Haruka could be described as 'tomboyish'.  That is why 
you brought her here.  It is simply the way she is, 
and will probably grow up to be.  You cannot force her 
to be more feminine.  She will fight you and then 
resent you for it.

"What she needs the most is your support of her.  Like 
I mentioned, she is an intelligent girl, but she is 
lacking some in her social skills.  Instead of trying 
to force her into a mold, try to encourage her gently 
in the direction you want her to grow.  

"You *do* influence how she sees the world.  Right now, 
that view isn't too happy.  Do you realize how much you 
have hurt her?"  He turned to her mother.  He tried to 
avoid confrontations of this type, but the girl was the 
victim in this case.

"Me?  I've only done what I've thought best for her," 
she defended.

He nodded.  "I apologize."

He looked from one parent to the other.  Her mother 
was the one that could have used further counseling 
in regards of accepting her daughter, but the idea 
would be totally rejected if he had suggested it.

"The best thing you could do for her is to encourage 
her in her interests.  She told me that she liked to 
play baseball.  Why don't you go out and watch her 
play on occasion?  That would demonstrate, in her mind, 
that you accept her and are there for her."

"This is all fascinating, but how do we make her stop 
wearing male clothes, get into fights, and roughing it 
up?  I don't want her to continue to play baseball; it 
isn't very ladylike and it ruins her clothes," her 
mother complained.

Twenty years ago he would have gotten out of his chair 
and yelled at her for missing the point.  That wasn't 
the way to approach things.  He was truly saddened that 
she couldn't understand what she didn't want to know.  

In a calm voice, he rephrased what he had said earlier.  
"You *cannot* force her to stop being who she is.  You 
*can* encourage her gently to change.  She is a strong 
willed girl.  The more you push her, the more she will 
resist you."

She stood up from her seat.  "Thank you, doctor."  She 
didn't need to add 'for nothing'; it was apparent in 
her voice.  She left the office in a huff.

"I apologize for her."  Her husband blushed slightly.  
"She really does want what is best for Haruka; we both 
do."

"I can see that, Ten'ou-san.  Do you understand the 
distinction I have been making?"

He nodded.  "I've been complimenting Haruka, 
encouraging her, as you say.  I have seen positive 
results from it."  A small smile crossed his lips.

"I know, Haruka told me about it.  She does like 
hearing your praise of her.  That is the correct 
approach to take.  But you won't change her, not 
to the degree that your wife desires, at least."  

The office was much more comfortable now.  He hadn't 
realized just how tense he was around her mother.  
Some people did have that effect on others through 
their body language and voice.  He again sympathized 
for Haruka, who had to live with her.

"I know.  Haruka is a strong girl underneath.  
Personally, I don't want her to change.  I love her 
just the way she is."

That was sincerity.  Ten'ou-san did want his daughter 
to be happy.  That was what concerned him the most.

The psychologist took in a deep breath.  He debated 
even pointing this out, but he felt that it may be 
best to warn him, just in case.

"Ten'ou-san, has Haruka ever shown any interest in 
boys?"

"Eh?  Well, she plays with them constantly.  And does 
get in her share of fights with them."

He smiled to himself, that was the answer he was 
expecting.  "I mean, interest as in crush, love, 
et cetera."

He thought about it.  "Not that I've noticed, but isn't 
she still a little young for that?"

He nodded to acknowledge his point.  "Ten'ou-san, if it 
never happens, please do not be disappointed."

Her father closed his eyes at his words.  "I was afraid 
that might be a possibility.  Doctor, I believe that 
there is someone out there who will love her and that 
she will love in return.  I believe that there is 
someone out there for each of us.  A soul mate."

"That's an idealistic view."  He thought about it some.  
"Make sure that you instill this belief in Haruka.  It 
will encourage her to keep looking.  Or not to run in 
fear if it comes looking for her."  He smiled 
sheepishly.

"Yes, that would be a problem, wouldn't it?"  He 
chuckled lightly.  "Thank you, doctor."

^^^^^

Her father was the first to return from the counselor's 
office.  "Your mother had some things to finish up at 
work," he explained when he saw her expectant look.

"Of course," she mumbled to herself.  Her mother 
*always* had work to do at her office.  She was never 
around.  Not that it terribly bothered her, since she 
was the one that made her life difficult, but it 
would be nice to see her once in a while.

"Haruka," her father called her to him.  He pulled her 
onto his lap.  She snuggled against him before getting 
comfortable.  They were about to have a talk.  She had 
come to know what was about to happen when he got that 
look on his face and brought her onto his lap.

"There has been a lot of discussion about you going on 
lately.  What do you think?"

She didn't expect him to actually want her opinion on 
this whole thing.  "Well, Father, I think -- no, I 
know -- that I don't like being forced to do the things 
that Mother wants me too.  I like to play baseball and 
hang around with the boys.  Playing the piano is okay, 
but it's not nearly as much fun.

"I -- I just don't feel like playing with the other 
girls.  I don't like their dolls or clothes or dreaming 
of who they are going to marry.  It's all a waste of 
time.  I would rather go play then wait for them to come 
up with something exciting to do."

He said nothing.

After waiting several moments for him to reply, she 
lifted her head from his chest to look at him.  He had 
that look to him that occurred whenever he was thinking 
about something.

"I know that it will be difficult, Ruka-chan, but I ask 
you to please be patient and try to make your mother 
happy.  She is very set in her opinions of what your 
behavior should be.  I would rather that you be 
yourself."  He sighed slightly.  "I will try to soften 
the load on you, but I am afraid that the piano 
lessons will continue.  I won't always be able to help 
you when she tries to force you in the direction that 
she wants.

"You have grown so much."  He hugged her.  "And you 
still have years of growth ahead of you.  It will be 
difficult, but I believe in you.  I know at you are a 
very talented, intelligent, and special girl."

She had hoped that he would be able to get her out of 
the piano lessons, but she understood that he couldn't.  
It gladdened her that he was being so honest with her.  
Of course, her father was honest with everyone, but he 
didn't need to tell her anything if he didn't want to.

"Thank you, Father."  She hugged him once more before 
crawling out of his lap.  "I want to go outside and 
play, is that alright?"

"Change first and you may," he smiled at her.

She grinned widely and ran to her room to change.  He 
loved her, there was no doubt of that.  It distressed 
him that there was a conflict between the two women he 
loved.  They were identical personality wise, though 
they would both deny it.  Stubborn.  Easily angered.  
Intelligent.

He?  He was a simple baker.  But they... they reached 
for the stars and would use any means necessary to get 
there.  His wife had with getting her office, that had 
always been her dream.  Already he could see that 
Haruka would be the same way.  He saw it in her 
posture, her speech, the way she interacted with others.  
He didn't need the psychologist to tell him to expect 
great things from her.  He already did.

-----

Haruka sped along the freeway.  She leaned low to her 
bike and enjoyed the feel of her leathers being 
pressed against her.  This is what she wanted:  to go 
fast.

It had taken her a while to come to that decision.  
Her discovery of speed had come more or less by 
accident.  She remembered the occasion well.  She had 
been ten at the time.  Her family was going to visit 
the family graves in a nearby district.  Her father 
had decided to indulge one of her curiosities and 
take the bullet train en route.

The sight of the scenery flashing past her had 
captivated her imagination.  To be in command of such 
speed, to feel the winds pressing against her, that's 
what she longed for.

She smiled as she remembered telling her honorable 
ancestors about her trip there.  Fortunately, her 
parents had been cleaning the headstones of other 
deceased when she was talking to a grandfather that 
she had been fond of when he was still amongst the 
living.  

The winds had played havoc with her hair that day.  She 
was determined to have her revenge by taming the winds.  
They would either bend to her ways or she would become 
one with them; she didn't care which.

She reached her destination:  Mugen Gakuen.  She needed 
uniforms and her books.

It hadn't taken her long to get people moving in the 
direction that she wanted.  A few crisp words here, a 
slight glare there, and she had them jumping to fulfill 
her requests.  Of course, she requested the male 
uniforms, despite the protested that accompanied it.

She sat with one of the office girls, checking over her 
papers.  "Ah, I see that you wished to participate in 
track and field.  What events do you compete in?"

"100M dash is my best event, though I do run the longer 
distances."  She leaned back in her chair and tried to 
look comfortable.  It was a challenge with these seats, 
but she was managing.

"'100M dash.'  I'll inform the coach, and he will 
contact you about the team," she said.

"What about the baseball team?"  She cocked her head 
slightly.  It was all an act for her.  She had long ago 
mastered how to get what she wanted out of people 
through intimidation or manipulation.

"I'm sorry, it's only open to males," she blushed.

Haruka's eyes slid across the room, taking in all 
around her.  She returned her gaze to the still 
blushing girl.  "You're certain."  Her voice was 
carefully pitched low and mellow.

"Ah, quite certain," she held firm to her ground.  
Haruka decided that she didn't want to go through the 
effort today.  She nodded slightly in acceptance.  She 
held back a smile at the girl unconsciously let out her 
breath.

A lad came up with a slip in hand.  "Ten'ou Haruka?  
Here is your uniform requisition slip and list of books 
that you will need."  He handed them to her.  She 
checked over it quickly to make sure it was all in 
order.

"Thank you."  She pulled out a schedule of classes that 
she had received earlier.  Yes, this would work out 
nicely with her racing obligations.  Noting that, she 
left the office to wander around the school a bit.

It was an impressive campus.  Overwhelming.  Haruka 
wasn't moved by its enormity.  She had gotten over 
being impressed with things long ago.  It was a cold 
attitude, but it saved time if you weren't wide-eyed 
over something.  More efficient.

She found the track and field coaches' office.  He was 
thrilled with having her on the team.  All of her 
physicals had indicated that she would be a strong 
runner.  Plus her reputation from her pervious school 
had proceeded her.

They discussed track for at least an hour before she 
decided to finish her business here.  In their 
conversation, it had come out the Mugen Gakuen lacked 
track facilities of its own.  Like most of the high 
schools in the area, it shared a community recreational 
facility.

'I guess this school doesn't have everything,' she 
commented to herself.  They certainly came close 
though.

She sighed.  School began Monday, and she wasn't looking 
forward to it.  Maybe it was just the usual student 
complaints, but she just didn't feel like it.

She had promised her parents that she would finish 
school.  That promise was the only thing keeping her 
in.  At 16, she was quite independent.  She had to be.  
Her life at home had taught her independence through 
neglect.  

It hadn't been her father.  He tried to be there as 
much as he could, but running the bakery was a full 
time job plus.  It was her mother.  Her mother, her 
greatest opposition, crusher of her dreams, bringer of 
hell's fury.  Damn, she hated that woman sometimes.  It 
was her mother who had ignored her, left her to learn 
on her own, discouraged her.

Oh, she tried to hide it.  But it was there, none the 
less.  No matter how much she professed her joy in her 
accomplishments, the underlying disappointment would 
always be there.  She wasn't what her mother had 
wanted, and she knew it.

'You could have tried loving me for who I am,' she 
mumbled to herself as she strapped a sack with her 
books and uniforms onto her bike.  It was time to 
return to her new home.

-----

Haruka laid on back on her bed.  It was hours past her 
bedtime, but she wasn't sleepy.  She had been spent the 
last two hours listening to her parents discuss her.  
They had gone to bed, but she was still mulling over 
their words.

Someday, they may figure out that she could hear them 
all these many times.  It would be too late.  She knew 
their intentions.  She knew their feelings towards her.  
It ripped at her very soul.

'Dear, you need to demonstrate to her that you support 
who she is,' her father had explained.

'Why would I do that?  I *don't* support who she is.  
I want her to be a lady.  That,' the word was spat in 
disgust.  Haruka's heart chilled, 'is *not* a lady!'

'How can you be so cold towards her?  She's our 
daughter.'  His voice held a note of disapproval.  
Haruka had heard it a time or two -- or more -- when 
she had misbehaved.

'She's *your* daughter.  Any daughter of mine wouldn't 
have turned out to be such a boy.'  Her words cut Haruka 
like a knife.  

She was weeping silently at this point.  Subconsciously, 
perversely, she had wanted to win her mother's approval.  
She realized now that she would never accomplish that 
goal.  Not as who she was now.

Haruka buried her head under her pillow and tried not 
to hear any more of her mother's words.  She couldn't 
evade them all, not when she raised her voice.  Tomboy.  
Freak.  Abomination.  Disappointment.  Failure.  All 
these things weighed on her heavier than lead.  They 
weighed down her spirit, her will to do well, her 
will to live...

Her father said nothing.  He listened, as he always 
did, to everything she had to say before answering her.

His answer was a mellow one.  She couldn't hear exactly 
what he had to say, but it wasn't what her mother 
wanted to hear from the explosive outburst that 
followed.

"Why won't you leave me alone then?"  She asked the 
wall.  "I didn't want things to turn out this way.  You 
wouldn't compromise.  You didn't want to reason.  It 
was going to be your way or nothing, and I wouldn't 
play for any less."

She whimpered at the pain in her head.  It was a 
psychological hurt.  A fatal blow to her feminine 
desires.  She killed them as surely as amputating her 
own arm.  She didn't want them and would live without 
them to spite *her* if nothing else.

She didn't have a mother.

-----
*****

Haruka zipped up her fire suit.  She smiled slightly at 
her appearance.  This suit was certainly different than 
the one she had worn for her first race.  That one had 
been an oversized, worn, spare suit that she had been 
lent when she did test driving for the mechanics.  

The one she had now was hers alone.  It fit her like a 
glove.  Sewn to accommodate her height and still not 
reveal her femininity.  It was a blazing red with 
'Ten'ou' across the back and 'Haruka' on her shoulder.  
All of the sponsors logos were sewn on it in the 
appropriate places...  With even more sponsors wishing 
she were larger so that their was room for their logos 
as well.

She grinned at that thought.  If they only knew that 
they all fought to sponsor a girl...

She walked from the garage out to the pits and her 
car.  The mechanics were doing their last minute 
tweaking on it.

"Ten'ou-san!" 

"Win, win!" 

"Kick butt, Ten'ou-san!"

She heard their cheers, but ignored them.  She didn't 
do this for them.  She raced for herself.  The fact 
that they enjoyed her performances was amusing, but 
meant very little to her.

"Ten'ou-san, we love you!"  She turned to look at the 
two girls who had called that out.  They were at the 
bottom of the stands, near the fence, as close to her 
as they could get.

"Do you?"  She mumbled to herself.  They couldn't love 
her.  No one loved her, not even her parents.  She was 
an idol to them, an image.

She returned her attention to her preparations.

"Haruka," Yamagata drew her attention to him.  He often 
reminded her of her father.  In several ways, he was 
like a second father to her.

"Yes, Yamagata-san?"  She walked over to him near the 
tool chest.

He nodded to the people in the stands.  "You see them, 
Haruka?  Those people are here for *you*.  They didn't 
come here to see my withered old ass work on a car.  
They came to see you drive that car and blow the rest 
of the competition off of the track with another 
astounding victory."

He glanced at her sideways before nodding to them again.  
"You should appreciate the compliment they pay you.  Not 
everyone has your talent.  Live it up while you can, 
some day you'll be the withered old one working on the 
car wishing the cheers were for you again."

"I'm sorry, Yamagata-san."  She truly was.  She never 
realized that he felt this way.

"For what, child, my being old?  I've had my day.  Go 
out now and enjoy yours."  He smiled at her.

"I will."  She returned his smile.

"One other thing, Haruka.  I've noticed that you've 
been moody lately, ever since you moved.  Is there 
anything that you would like to talk about?  Problems 
with your new home?"

She blanched slightly.  "Er-, no, no problems with my 
new home.  Everything is fine.  It's just, um, my time 
of the month.  That's all, my time of the month.  I'll 
get over it soon."  She smiled at him lopsidedly.  

"Well, I've got a race to win," she said jauntily 
before walking off.

"Haruka," he called to her back.  "You're lying to me!"

"I know."  She waved at him before putting her helmet 
on and getting into her car.

"Silly girl," he worked on putting his tools away.  "We 
had your time of the month figured out years ago.  It's 
marked on the calendar of my office if you never 
noticed."  

She probably had and changed it somehow just to be 
difficult.  Evil child.  Having a female on the team, 
even a masculine one, has been interesting.  He would 
have never figured on it happening.  Upon reflection, 
he decided that he enjoyed it.  Haruka made life an 
adventure no matter where she was.

-----

For the past two years, she had been going down to the 
race track during her free time.  At first, they had 
thought her a pest or just a kid.  She didn't let that 
stop her.  She ingratiated herself with the mechanics 
by fetching their tools and being a go-for.

Eventually, they accepted her as a sort of mascot.  
They let her into the pits during races and taught her 
all about cars while they were working.  She got what 
she truly wanted when the head mechanic and part team 
owner, Yamagata, taught her how to drive.

God, it was beautiful.  She reveled in the feel of the 
speed.  She wanted it to be a part of her.  Nothing 
could well enough describe the joy she felt when she 
was driving.

Her mother hadn't exactly approved of her speeding 
about.  Her father hadn't either, but he didn't gripe 
about it like she did.  All he asked was that she be 
careful.  He knew her to be smarter than that, it was 
her life on the line.  She wouldn't take foolish risks.

She enjoyed sharing with him what she new things she 
learned at the track.  She would come home with all 
sorts of tidbits about engine performance, race 
standings, and other such gossip.  He would always 
listen to her and encourage her.  She loved him for 
that.

She didn't talk about the track around her mother.  Her 
mother didn't want to hear it.  She wasn't interested 
in her or her hobbies.  Haruka had stopped trying to 
coax her into her interests.  Her father provided the 
outlet that she needed.

Today was the day that it all was paying off for her.  
The years of work and dedication yielded their first 
results today.  Surely her parents couldn't complain 
with about her obsession with the track after this!

"Father!"  She called out while opening the door to 
the apartment.

"Ruka-chan?"  His voice answered from the kitchen.

"Father!"  She ran into the kitchen to greet him.  It 
had been an exciting day at the track.

He stopped cooking dinner to stare.  She grinned 
lopsidedly at what a sight she must have been.  Her 
father just stood there with the prongs held in midair.

"I hope there is a good story to go along with the new 
haircut, Ruka-chan."  He turned off the heat and put 
his utensils down.  He walked over to her and stroked 
his hand through her now short hair.

She told him about how she filled in for the charity 
race and all the dramatics of getting to race for real.  
She told him about the thrill of winning, even though 
it was second place.  He listened politely to it all 
until he heard the reason why she cut her hair.

"You wanted to look like a boy?"  His voice was mellow.

She stopped grinning proudly.  "Yes, Father."

He sighed.  She didn't think it was because of her, 
probably because of something he did she figured.  He 
pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Ruka-chan, I am proud of you for winning second place 
today.  I am happy that you have found something that 
you truly enjoy doing.  But no matter what, I want you 
to remember that you will always be my little girl."

She knew there had to be a deeper meaning to his words.  
What it could be eluded her.  She tucked them away for 
later.

He took her to a local barbershop and got her hair 
trimmed properly before her mother came home.  Haruka 
liked her new look personally.  She couldn't help but 
touch the newly shaven hairs on the back of her neck.  
It was an odd sensation to have them poke her hand.

When her mother came home later that evening, she was 
outraged at her new haircut.  Haruka had tried to 
hedge on why, but her father kept her honest.  The look 
on her mother's face could have frozen the heart of the 
most fiery person.

Haruka wanted to run, she wanted to hide from that 
anger.  It was her hair and she had to live with it, 
not her.  Her mother didn't see it that way.  Nor did 
she really care that Haruka was risking her life going 
fast, that point was lost.  The fact that she didn't 
want to look like a girl was what her mother was stuck 
on.

Her father sent her to bed without dinner that evening.  
It wasn't to punish her, she was certain, but to 
appease her mother.

Lying on her bed, she thought about what her father had 
said earlier.

'...will always be my little girl."

What did he mean by that?  She fell asleep puzzling 
over it.

-----

Haruka paused in putting on her helmet as the memory 
flashed back to her.  It had only taken a moment's 
inspiration, a moment's insight, and she knew what she 
had missed that day.

'Little girl...' He didn't mean it quite like that, 
as though she would always be a child.  That's what 
she had thought before.  No, he meant it as though 
she would always be his daughter, no matter what she 
did.

The sudden realization heartened her.  She smiled and 
put her helmet on firmly.  This was what she wanted to 
do with her life.  This was her dream.  The winds were 
her companion as she challenged them for supremacy.  
He supported her dream.

The victory was hers once again today.  She had to work 
some for it.  A new rookie had gotten himself a fast 
car, but lacked the finesse to use it properly.  He had 
been reckless, nearly crashing some of the other cars 
behind him.  

He had nearly taken her out in the last few laps, but 
she was better than him.  Skillfully, she dodged his 
repeated attempts to 'nudge' her out of the way.  It 
was poor sportsmanship to purposefully knock other 
cars.  She would remember to file an official complaint 
on Monday along with the others.  

She smiled.  Some of the others were hot-headed enough 
to not wait 'til Monday to let their grievances be 
heard.  They would take it into their own hands.  She 
was that way as well in most things except the track.  
She needed a cool, calm head to drive at these speeds.  
It was too dangerous to do otherwise.

The race won, she got out of her car and waved jauntily 
to the crowds cheering for her.  Yamagata was right.  
She had been rather moody lately.  She needed to enjoy 
these times while she still had them.

The crowds continued to roar for her, even after the 
presentation of the trophies.  She smiled and waved 
and acted as the sponsors surely expected her too.  
Winning was only icing on the cake of her dream.  This 
all was added sugar.  She wanted to go fast, and she 
had accomplished that.

These were her happiest moments.

*****

"Welcome, everyone, to a new school year," their 
instructor greeted the class.

Haruka sighed on the inside.  'Look at what you've 
gotten yourself into,' she chided herself.  It couldn't 
be helped.  She did have to go to school, but she could 
have chosen to move anywhere in Tokyo.  Why did she 
chose the Delta District?

She didn't know the answer.  It just *drew* her to it.  
That was really the best way to describe it.  'At least 
it's close to Juuban,' she conceded.  Juuban was a nice
district, upscale, and had some nice places to shop.

She leaned back in her chair, bored.  The instructor 
was having them all stand, introduce themselves, and 
say it bit.  She wasn't paying attention to what 
anyone else was saying.  She really didn't expect to 
be friends with any of them, so why bother?

It came around to be her turn.  She stood up and put 
on her most charming smile.  "Ten'ou Haruka.  I just 
moved to this area.  I enjoy driving around in my car," 
she sat down.  She realized that was a lame 
introduction, but she didn't care.  Let them take the 
hint and leave her be.

"Ten'ou-san... isn't he so handsome?"  She heard from 
somewhere behind her.

Giggles answered the comment.

Haruka resisted the urge to laugh out loud at them.  
Weren't they in for a surprise when they figured it 
out?  She wouldn't string them along for too long if 
any of them did become brave enough to approach her.  
It was a mild source of amusement at least.

'Dammit, I do make a better guy than girl,' she 
laughed under her breath at the thought.  God had been 
playing a cruel joke by putting her in a female body.  
She didn't care though.  The body didn't matter, it 
was the personality, the person, that did.  Never 
would she betray that to appease some other.

-----

Her break into racing had been a big one.  All she 
could have wished for and more was granted to her.  Oh, 
she would certainly be allowed to race again, she had 
sponsors now.  The representative for the sponsors, 
Takashi, had been quick in his signing her to the team 
roster once she had proven herself to him.

This brought several changes into her life.  One was 
her spending a lot more time at the track than she had 
been to begin with.  This didn't seem to affect her 
family much since her mother didn't care to see her 
and her father had his growing chain of bakeries.

It also brought wealth into her life.  Her family was 
a middle class one.  Her father a hard working man.  
Already in her short 15 years of life, she was 
wealthier than him.

He didn't seem to mind this.  He worked for his own 
goals and encouraged her to do the same.  Still, she 
thought back to that conversation they had years ago 
about her taking over the bakeries.  It wasn't her 
dream, but she did want a part of it.

She convinced him into entering a partnership with her.  
She hired more people to run the bakeries and expanded 
the catering business he was working to get off the 
ground.  The flux of cash she brought into the 
operation was already showing its effects at the 
increase of business the operations were performing.

Haruka had considered her next move long and hard.  It 
was a gesture of peace between her and her mother.  She 
really didn't want to fight with her the rest of her 
life, and she needed someway to endear herself.

She found a small house on the outskirts, in an area 
her parents had always talked about moving to if they 
had the money, and bought it.  It had taken some 
convincing, but she got them to move into it by stating 
that she needed them to 'house sit' it for her.

Her father was grateful for her generosity.  He could 
tell her motives, she was sure.  Her mother had been 
weary of them.

'Why are you doing this?'  Her mother had asked.

'Because I love you,' she answered simply.  Her feeling 
for her mother fluctuated so much that she really 
wasn't sure how she felt.  She knew that she should 
love her, so that is what she said.

'Are you trying to rub the fact that you are successful 
in my face?'  She narrowed her eyes some.  'I've been 
the only opposition you've had...'

Haruka tossed the keys to the house to her.  'The only
competition I've ever had is myself.'  She turned and 
walked out of the apartment for the last time.

-----

Haruka sat on a bench alone eating her lunch.  She felt 
that she was being watched.  It didn't surprise her.  
She had always drawn attention to herself whether she 
wanted it or not.

She pretended to focus on her bento as she identified 
the different girls watching her.  Three over there, 
yes, four by the fence, one leaned against that tree.  

Haruka glanced over to her briefly.  Their eyes met 
for only a moment before she got up from the bench and 
walked away.

'Something about that girl...' she fought to remember 
if she had ever met her, but she didn't think she had.  
Someone who frequented the track maybe?  It could have 
been.  She didn't pay too much attention to those in 
the stands.  

No, that didn't seem right.  That girl didn't look 
to be the type that would frequent a race track.

Where did she know her from?  Usually she wasn't so 
dense, but she really couldn't recall.  'It will come 
to me eventually,' she told herself reassuringly.

Physical Ed was her next class.  Haruka walked into
The locker room and began to undress.  She didn't
notice the whispering around her until she had her
blazer off and hung in her locker.

Every set of eyes in the room were glued to her.

"What?"  She asked irritably.

"Ten'ou-san?"  The girl nearest her asked.  "The 
boys' locker room is over there," she pointed.

Haruka glared at her.  "Why would I care?"  She 
undid her slacks and pulled them down.  Most of the
girls had let out small exclamations and turned away.

"You shave your legs, Ten'ou-san?!?"  The girl asked.

"Of course I do!"  She pulled up her shorts and put
her carefully folded pants into the locker with her
blazer.

The girls continued to stare at her.  She stopped 
unbuttoning her shirt to ask, "What's your problem?"

"You're so cool, Ten'ou-san," a girl from the next row
of lockers over called.

"For changing my clothes?"  She mumbled.  She shucked
the shirt off and hung it in the locker.

"You're wearing a sports bra, Ten'ou-san!"  The girl
exclaimed.

"Because I'm a girl!"  Haruka yelled at her.  She 
could almost feel the temperature in the room raise 
at that admission.

The girl that had been speaking to her was a bright
red.  The one that thought she was so cool had ducked
behind the lockers.  Serves them right.

"I am Ten'ou Haruka, and I am a female."  That should 
take care of her female admirers for the moment.  She 
wouldn't figure on gossip in this school being 
lethargic.  By tomorrow she should be left in the peace 
that she desired.

The other girls kept away from her during class.  
Embarrassment, maybe, disgust at such a masculine 
female, probably.  Did it matter?  Not really.  She 
was who she was.  Often, that left her alone, but she 
was used to that.  She would rather stand on her own 
than have to rely upon someone else's opinions of her.

*****

A month.  She had been going to Mugen Gakuen for a 
month, and girls still approached her.  Either they 
had really missed the point somewhere or gossip didn't 
spread in this school like it did in most.  

She had to brush off yet another admirer this afternoon 
before coming out to the track.  Couldn't they see that 
she wasn't interested?  The guys weren't interested in 
her.  They saw her as competition.

'Baka!  I don't want your girlfriends.'  She didn't 
want any sort of close companionship.  Relationships 
only meant exposure and eventual hurt.  She wouldn't 
stand for that.  Better not to love than to have 
loved and gotten hurt.

She drove to the community track they held their meets 
at.  It wasn't the first one of the year, but it was an 
important one for school rankings.

Haruka looked forward to it.  She had discovered a 
good opponent.  Elza Gray was her name.  She had come 
to know her some.  They maintained a friendly banter 
of who was going to win this time.  So far, it had 
always been her, but it took her top efforts to 
accomplish it.  

Elza could be counted as the closest thing she had to 
a friend.  No one at the school was interested in her 
friendship, not that she would give it to them.  Elza 
at least interested her as an opponent.  It wasn't 
much, but it was something.  A weak common bond.

Haruka changed quickly in the locker room before 
joining the rest of the team.  She ran her warm ups 
and did her stretches.  The coach gave his 
inspirational speech.  

Finally, the meet began.  Her event came up shortly.  
Elza was assigned the lane next to her.

"I won't lose," Elza said to her.

The order to get ready was called.  They knelt into 
position.  Muscles tightened in preparation, 
spring-like, ready...

"GO!"

Haruka launched out of the starting blocks.  Elza had 
gotten out quicker than her.  She bit back a curse 
as she made her charge forward.  

'I... will... win...,' she pumped her arms while 
willing her legs to push her just a bit faster.  She 
was the wind personified.  None could beat the winds...

She pulled past Elza to cross the line first.  She 
slowed her pace down by running a cool off lap.  Elza 
was right besides her.

Between gasps for breath she spoke.  "You win again... 
Ten'ou-san.  But I will... catch you... someday."  She 
gave her a small smile.

"Perhaps," she allowed.  Elza truly was an excellent 
runner.  She was just a bit better.

Haruka parted ways with her to go change into her 
warm-ups.  She had just finished packing her bag when 
she heard her name being called from behind her.  It 
was Elza.

"Ten'ou-san, I'd like you to meet my friend Kaioh 
Michiru," she introduced.

Haruka nodded politely to her.  It was that girl she 
couldn't place.  She had some classes with her, she 
thought.  From what Haruka saw, she seemed to be a 
fairly popular girl since there were always boys 
longing after her.  Haruka smiled slightly.  She was 
a cute girl...

'No, dumbass,' she scolded herself.  'That's how you 
got in trouble the last time.'  And indeed, it would 
be the *last* time.

"I've been watching you, Ten'ou-san.  I find you to be 
quite interesting.  I would like to do some sketches 
of you."  Michiru's voice was light.  

It all rubbed her the wrong way.  Everything about her 
was gentle and sweet.  Haruka found herself drawn to 
this girl, but...  No, dammit!

"I'm not interested."  Haruka nodded to Elza, then 
walked away.

-----

It was a mistake.  God, she knew it was a mistake 
before she even tried it, but she did anyways.

It has been last year.  She was coming to discover 
that she had feelings for another that she never 
realized rested within her.  At first, it had 
frightened her.  She didn't want to admit that she 
could feel this way about another.  Eventually, she 
accepted that she did feel this way and decided to 
do something about it.

'God, why did you make me like this?!'  She had 
pleaded afterwards.

By that time, it was too late.  She had done it, 
*done* it.  Her upbringing should have stopped her.  
Had she slept through all those years of church?  
What the hell had she been thinking?  She *knew* 
better, but ignored it.

She had always been a straightforward girl.  But 
her usual tact deserted her this time.  Instead of
carefully approaching anything like she usually 
did, she had plunged in like the fool she was.

She told the other how she felt.  How she had been 
watching her, longing for her, dreamed of her.  The 
girl had been stunned.  Her next move had been pure 
brilliance on her part.  When the girl didn't stop 
her, she moved in to kiss her.

Haruka could still feel the sting from her hand across 
her face.  Nowadays, it was a sting to her pride that 
reminded her of that day.

The girl's father soon learned of what had happened.  
He had made it abundantly clear that Haruka was to 
never approach his daughter again.  Not that she would.  

Somehow, no one learned of her transgression.  Probably 
because of the dishonor it would bring to the girls' 
family if this was ever brought to light.  Its being 
tucked under the rug suited her just fine.  Her mother 
certainly didn't need to learn of this.

Haruka vowed that day to never love another.  If she 
couldn't find a man to satisfy her, and she knew she 
never would, than she would go without.  

Love was an ambrosia that she would never taste.

-----

Haruka woke up from her sleep.  She combed her fingers 
through her hair before turning on a lamp.

"Why are you in my dreams?"  She asked of no one.  
Michiru... why was she in her dreams?  She had only 
met her today.  But it had been an oh, so sweet, 
dream.

Haruka's heart raced whenever she thought of that brief 
encounter with her.  "Come on, baka, get it out of your 
head.  If you hadn't cared to noticed, half the school 
is drooling over her.  She has more suitors than 
you'll ever have."

She got off her bed and walked into the bathroom.  A 
look in the mirror didn't do anything to make her 
feel better.

"Perhaps she would be friends with me if I did model 
for her..."  Dumbshit!  You wouldn't want to leave it 
as 'just being friends, you're interested in more, 
and she wouldn't be.  

You had gotten lucky last time.  

If she's going here, that means that her family's got 
money.  If her family's got money, they've got power.  
Do you realize what that means?  They could squish 
your lil' white ass into paste if they wanted to.  
And how do you think that would feel, eh?  No more 
racing for certain.  No more life if they chose to 
take things to an extreme.

Haruka shook herself.  Don't be silly.  She didn't 
feel anything for the girl.  It was just a dream.  
Dreams were how a person's mind flushed, right?  
It was just a fragment with her in it, that's all.

She washed her face off and toweled it dry.  She was 
making nothing into something.  Flipping off the light, 
she returned to bed.

It was nothing.

*****

Haruka sighed to herself.  Now that she was sensitized 
to Michiru, she saw her out of the corner of her eye 
all of the time.  It nearly ripped her apart to have 
her so near and yet untouchable.

No, it was more than just a stupid dream.  Haruka had 
been warring with her conscience for the last several 
nights over what to do about Michiru.  Part of her 
wanted to just admit how she felt.  The smart part of 
her told her to shut the hell up.

She ignored Michiru whenever she came near her.  She 
would have some important thing or another to do 
whenever she tried to hold a conversation with her.  
No matter how hard she tried to push Michiru away, she 
would not take the hint.

'Why won't you give up?!'  She wanted to scream in 
frustration at her.  'I just want you to leave me 
alone!  Can't you tell that I don't like you?  If you 
continue to pursue me, I may not be able to control 
myself.'

A week... two weeks... Haruka suffered.  Around each 
corner she saw her.  Her dreams were haunted by her 
slight smile.  Each night she awoke to tell herself 
what a fool she was being.  She would build up the 
courage to speak, and then it would dissolve to 
nothingness when her senses reasserted themselves.

It was affecting everything she did.

-----

"Haruka!"  Yamagata grabbed her by the collar and 
physically pulled her from the car.  "What the hell 
were you thinking!"  He sputtered angrily at her 
newest escape from death.  She could read the hurt 
and concern in his eyes that fueled his anger.

She had barely avoided this accident.  That damn 
rookie had succeeded in nudging her.  She had gotten 
her car back under control.  Instead of waiting for 
him to be black flagged, she chased after him.  
Coolly, calmly, she worked her way back up behind him.  
It had only taken a little bump and he was spinning on 
the infield.

Of course, the move had gotten her black flagged as 
well.  It was worth it.  If even for a moment, she had 
been able to focus all of her frustrations behind a 
single motive.

"I'm sorry, Yamagata."  She pulled off her helmet.

"Don't bullshit me, girl!"  He pulled her into the 
garage, making sure they were alone before he spoke 
again.  "You've lost your focus.  What's gotten into 
you?  This isn't like you, not like you at all."

"It's nothing," she mumbled.

"Well it can't be nothing if it's affecting your 
driving.  When are you going to trust me, Haruka?  
Ever?  I've tried to support you as much as I can.  
Isn't that worth something?"  His voice had thickened.  
Her heart ached in shame at her mistreatment of her 
friend.

"I'm sorry, Yamagata, I really am."  She hugged him 
briefly.  

"I've -- God, how do I explain it?  I think I'm in 
love."  She blushed slightly.  "There, I've said it." 
She leaned against a car and closed her eyes in 
reflection.

"Lass..." he placed an arm around her.  It was a 
fatherly gesture, meant to reassure her.  "It's okay.  
These things take time to work themselves out."

"It will never work itself out."  She kicked a bolt 
that was near her toe.

"Come now, girl.  All things have an end eventually.  
I hope that things work out for you.  But I want you 
to promise me one thing.  When you get behind the 
wheel, I want you to leave your problems outside the 
car, okay?"

She nodded.  It was sound advice.  Foolish of her to 
have even let this get to her.  She needed to accept 
that she would never have Michiru and get on with her 
life.

"Thank you."  She hugged the wizened mechanic.

-----
*****

"Shimatta!"  Haruka's heart beat at a quickened rate.  
She flipped on the light and walked into the bathroom.

Turning on the faucet, she splashed cold water onto 
her face.  This latest dream had Michiru in it, but 
it wasn't a pleasant dream like the others.

It was horrible.  Michiru was dressed in some sort of 
short school uniform, but it wasn't a school uniform.  
There was more to it.  Dammit!  No, no, it was 
something more important than that.  She was floating 
in the air above her.

The world around her had been a wasteland.  The sky 
was red.  The building were shambles.  They weren't 
just miscellaneous buildings either, she could name 
them; they were real.  It was silent, as though she 
was the only one left alive in this God forsaken 
place.

Michiru, she was there, like a savior, watching her, 
calling to her.  This was so frustrating.

Haruka tried to shake the dream from her mind.  It was 
just a stupid nightmare.  She had plenty of them while 
growing up.  

But this one felt different...

No!  You're just being stupid again!  

Haruka scrubbed her face once more before turning off 
the water.

She needed some rest.  She needed to get this all 
figured out.  'God, why do you enjoy teasing me?'  she 
whispered as she turned off the lights to go back to 
sleep.

*****

A cruise ship.  Why the hell did she have to be on a 
stinkin' cruise ship to represent the sponsor?  They 
had plenty of other people to do it.  But, no, they 
wanted her.  Why?  Who knew.  Probably just got this 
wild idea to ruin her weekend.

She sighed.  Taking in a deep breath and letting it 
out again helped to calm her.  Too much stress as of 
late.  She needed a vacation, but where would she go?  
Oh well...

The waiter brought her the drink she had ordered.  She 
was sitting alone at a table in the middle of the large 
room.  She wasn't quite certain what she was to be 
accomplishing except to be visible.  If that's all she 
needed to do, than she would sit here all night, and 
sip on her drink.

She didn't notice her at first, for she was busy 
sulking in her own thoughts.

'Michi-- Michiru,' she stumbled over the thought.  
This was *not* happening to her.  Stay calm, Haruka, 
remember, pretend disinterest.  Pretty hard to do when 
the object you were trying to ignore was the one thing 
you wanted the most.  'She plays so well...'

At a nearby table, a couple discussed Michiru.  Her 
skill was well known and her looks captivating.  
'Shut up,' she willed.

It finally got to her.  She rose from the table to go 
for a walk.  She walked about a bit.  A painting caught 
her eye.  'My nightmare...' The image twisted in her 
mind.  'This is it.'

"You're very famous," a sweet voice said from below 
her on the stairs.  Haruka looked down to see Michiru 
sitting on the landing.  "There is someone who would 
like to ride with you in your car."

Haruka's heart stopped.  'God, strike me down now!' 
she plead.  'I didn't hear that.'  Not from her.  She's 
playing with you, teasing you, trying to make a fool 
of you like everyone else does.

Haruka turned her attention back to the painting.  She 
read the placard:  'Kaioh Michiru: End of the World.'  
Did she have the same nightmares as her?  "How is it 
that a gentle girl like you could paint something so 
violent?"

Michiru had a small smile on her lips.  Haruka's heart 
pounded at the sight of it.  "It isn't my imagination.  
This is my destiny... like yours."

Haruka looked at her stunned.  Shit, how she longed to 
rip her heart out of her chest and fling it away from 
her.  She snorted.  Like she had any sort of future 
with Michiru.

But still, a part of her believed...

"Nonsense!  The only thing that I am interested in is 
racing.  If this is the future, than you deal with it 
because I don't want to.  Will you please stop 
investigating me, there's nothing to know."

What had she done!  No, she did what was best.  It hurt 
her, but Michiru was disrupting her life.  Destiny 
indeed!  She didn't believe in such foolishness.  A 
person made their own future, it wasn't preordained.

Michiru's eyes grew cold.  Her lips tightened in 
response to her anger.  "Do you think that *I* want 
to deal with it?"  she hissed.  "I want life to be 
like a happy little fairy tale, but it isn't.  You 
think I don't have my own dreams?  I want to play 
the violin.  That is what interests me."

They watched each other for several long moments.  
Haruka finally broke eye contact.  "Stay out of my 
life, Kaioh Michiru."  She stormed off.

*****

Haruka leaned her head against the wall behind her.  
The lights to her apartment were off.  In the 
darkened silence she asked, "Where did I go wrong?"

"Birth, my first mistake was being born," she laughed.  
Well, she couldn't help that one.

She was alone, as usual, in her apartment curled up in 
her thinking spot.  The city was beautiful this time 
of night.  Even at this late hour the lights shone 
bright, lighting a pattern for her to study.

To say her life sucked would be putting it too mildly.  
What did she have to show for 16 miserable years of 
existence?  Family?  She had broken her bonds with 
them.  Friends?  She hadn't bothered to make any.  
Racing?  Well, she did have that.  In the end she did 
have her dream.

Then why wasn't she happy?  She would give up anything 
to have her dream.  What was missing that she didn't 
have?

Money?  Fame?  Success?  Love--

She didn't have love, but she didn't need that.  

Or did she?  

She didn't know anymore.

'Well, let's look at it then,' she decided.  Michiru, 
she was her problem.  She had done a fine job of
telling her to go screw herself earlier this evening.  
Even if Michiru could have possibly loved her, she 
wouldn't after that.  

Then what was her problem?  Everything should be happy 
now that she's gotten her out of the way.

She put her chin onto her knees.

What if Michiru was right?  What if that horrible 
place in her nightmare is going to be the world 
someday?  They can do something about it, she was 
certain of that.  It eluded her as to what, but there 
was always room to maneuver.

Haruka's thoughts drifted back to Michiru.  'I can't 
help it, I love her.  I know I shouldn't, but I do'.  
Again she cursed God for giving her these feelings.  
It made her feel disloyal to the faith she had grown 
up in to be betraying it in this way.

She got up from the window sill to go to her bedroom.  
Opening a small wooden case, she pulled out the cross 
from her grandfather.  "I don't deserve to have this.  
I'm not faithful.  I'm a bad person and I don't see 
myself changing."

Haruka brought it back with her to the window sill.  
She let it dangle on its chain before her.  The lights 
from the city played off it, flashing various colors 
about the room.

"If you are a merciful God, then you'll relieve me of 
my suffering.  I'm not good enough to join you, but at 
least allow me the release of death.  There's nothing 
here I can do for you.  Just let me go..."

She held the cross firmly in her hand.  Tears ran 
silently down her cheeks.  The truth of her words 
frightened her.  

What did she have?  Racing?  There were plenty of 
talented rookies that could easily replace her.  
Family?  They had disowned her.  Friends?  She had 
none.  Her death would be a welcome end to a 
meaningless life.

"God," she begged, "end my suffering."

*****

"You have reached the phone of Ten'ou Haruka.  I am 
gone at the moment.  Please leave a message at the 
tone."  The tone sounded.  Haruka looked over at the 
machine in mild disinterest.

"Haruka!  Where are you?  Dammit, girl!  You're going 
to be the death of me, I'm sure of it.  Fine, don't 
pick up the phone.  I don't give a rat's ass 'cause 
I'm coming over there," Yamagata's voice barked to 
the machine.

"You don't know the address," she mumbled.

"I've got your address.  And don't think of hiding 
behind a locked door.  I'm sure I have a tool that can 
get me through your locks."  The phone at the other 
end was hung up with a slam.

Haruka heaved a sigh before getting up from the window 
sill.  She went into the kitchen and put a kettle of 
water onto the stove to warm.

She hadn't gone to school the day after the cruise.  
Nor had she the day after that, or the next.  She 
hadn't been by the track either.  The last several 
days had been spent looking out the window 
contemplating her lot in life.

She wasn't in the mood for visitors.  All she wanted 
was to recess back into her own mind and be left alone.  
Shit, Yamagata will drag her off to the doctor or 
something if he saw her like this.  She hadn't 
showered in three days.  Her usually soft sandy blonde 
hair had darkened considerably with the oils in it.

She scrawled out a quick note to put on the door that 
said to come in and make a cup of tea.  That done, she 
motivated herself to the shower.

The hot waters helped to waken her from her semi-
lethargic state.  She toweled her hair off and 
changed into slacks and a dress shirt.  It wouldn't do 
to be too informal, even around Yamagata.

She poked her head out of her room when she heard a 
noise from the kitchen.  He must have gotten here fast.  
"Will you make me a cup as well?" she called out before 
going back to her dressing.  

A comb was pulled through her hair.  She debated on 
whether to wear a tie or not.  Better safe than sorry, 
she didn't want him to think anything was wrong.

She walked out of her room and to the kitchen.  A cup 
of tea sat on the counter for her.  She picked it up 
and carried it out to the living room where her guest 
would be waiting.

"I'm glad to see you Yama-." She stopped short when a 
head of sea green hair turned to look at her.  She 
swallowed the lump in her throat.  "Michiru."

"Excuse me."  She blushed.  "The note on the door said 
to come in."  She set her cup onto a nearby coffee 
table.  Haruka came the rest of the way into the room.

"No, that's fine."  She swallowed again before feigning 
nonchalance.  "So what brings you here?"  She sat down 
on the couch opposite the chair Michiru occupied.

Michiru blushed again.  

'She's so pretty when she does that...'  

"You haven't been to school for the past week, Haruka.  
I was worried that you might be ill.  You hadn't called 
anyone to let them know of your condition.  I inquired 
the registrar as to what your address was and decided 
to stop by and see if there was anything I could offer 
you."

Haruka held back a gurgle of surprise at her phrasing 
of that.  "Eh, I'm fine as you can see.  I just haven't 
felt like going, that's all."

A small smile played on her lips.  She looked away to 
retrieve her tea from the coffee table.  She took a sip 
from the cup, her eyes mere slits over the rim of the 
cup.

Her eyes could see into her soul, Haruka was certain.  
She suddenly felt very warm around the collar.

"You're lying to me, Ten'ou Haruka," she said slowly.

Haruka got defensive at having her bluff called.  
"So?"  She sneered.  Why did she have to answer to 
her?  Michiru wasn't her mother.  Well, like she ever 
answered to her mother either.

"Don't you think it's about time we start being honest 
with each other?"

"I have nothing to be honest with you about.  I made 
my feelings clear the other night."  She put her arms 
across her chest.  Her eyes narrowed as she glared at 
the girl.  'Please just leave me,' she begged on the 
inside.  If she wouldn't take the hint gently, she 
would shove it down her throat.

Michiru looked down at her lap.  She nodded and rose 
out of the chair.

Haruka let out a sigh of relief at her leaving.  Now 
she only had to take care of Yamagata and she'd be set.

But Michiru didn't leave.  She moved over onto the 
couch and seated herself next to her.  Haruka tried 
to keep up the pissed look while her heart raced.

"You're right."  Her voice was mellow now, almost a 
purr.  "For now, we have nothing else to discuss."  

Tentatively at first, she traced a finger along her 
jaw line.  Haruka's heart wanted to leap out her chest.  
She could feel her veins pulsing under her skin.  
Michiru's light touch sent shivers down her spine that 
made her want to urinate right there.

She brought her face close to hers.  Now Michiru's 
entire hand was lightly placed on her cheek.  She 
gazed into her eyes.  Haruka didn't know what she saw 
there, but she could guess.  Fear probably would be a 
good start.

Michiru chuckled at her.  "'Distant'.  You don't need 
to live up to your name," she smiled kindly.  "Why are 
you afraid?  Isn't this what you wanted?"

"This is just another damn dream."  Her voice was 
dangerously low.

"A dream?  Then do you want to wake up?"  Michiru 
closed her eyes and pushed herself to meet her lips.

"NO!"  Haruka bolted off of the couch and ran to her 
room.  She closed the door behind her.  Flinging 
herself on the bed, she curled up into a ball and 
cried.

It has to be a dream!  Nothing in the world is this 
ideal.  Love wasn't something she was meant to have.  
She cried in frustration.  Why couldn't she be happy?

A form joined her on the bed.  Haruka was in no 
condition to fight back as she was pulled into a 
supportive hug.  She was tired of fighting those 
around her.  She was tired of fighting herself.

"Why won't you leave me alone?  All I want is to be 
alone," she sobbed into Michiru's skirts.

Michiru didn't answer her.  Instead, she combed her 
fingers through her still slightly wet hair.  They 
remained like that for at least a half hour before 
she had finally exhausted her tears.  She was tired 
mentally and physically.

"Michiru," she whispered.

"Hmm, Haruka?"

"Leave me alone.  I'm no good.  If I can't meet my own 
expectations, how can I meet yours?  I--"  She fell 
silent.  Michiru stopped stroking her hair after a 
moment of waiting.

Michiru bent over the woman in her lap.  Her breath 
tickled her ear as she whispered her name.  "Haruka?"

Haruka lifted herself off of Michiru's lap.  She leaned 
back against the wall the bed was shoved up to.  She 
visibly swallowed before speaking again.  "Michiru... 
I-- I can't love you.  It's not right, it's--"

Michiru placed a finger tip on her lips to silence her.  
"And since when has Ten'ou Haruka cared about what 
others allowed her?  You race, is that not open to only 
men?  You wear the male's uniform while defiantly 
telling the rest of the school to 'go to hell'."  She 
giggled some at that.  Haruka managed a weak smile.  
That was part of one of her ill timed outbursts while 
speaking with the school's counselor.

"Answer me this, Ten'ou Haruka, why are you crying?"

Haruka looked off out the window.  "I want to be alone, 
and you won't allow me that."

"You're lying again," she chided mildly.

"I am not--" Michiru held up a hand to stop her.

"Haruka."  Her tone made her fall silent.  "You've been 
alone for the last several days.  Have you enjoyed it?  
Was it bliss for you?"  Her tone was scolding.  

"I think the problem is that you have spent too much 
of your life alone."  She stroked her fingers through 
her hair again.  "All those years of never being 
understood by anyone.  Standing alone because no one 
will support what they can't understand."

"What do you know of my past?" she asked skeptically.  
It was something that she didn't share with anyone, 
not even Yamagata.

"I know more about you than you do.  I have been 
watching you, learning about you.  I want to be the 
one that supports you, Haruka."

"I don't need your sympathy."

"Is that what you think it is?"  She did smile this 
time.  "You are just as stubborn as I have been told.  
Sympathy doesn't play into it."

Michiru gathered the unresisting Haruka in her arms.  
She pulled the larger girl to her and leaned her up 
against her body.

Haruka watched her.  Her anger and skepticism were 
melting away.  "Why won't you leave me alone?"  She 
nearly whimpered.

Michiru smiled at her, holding her chin cupped in her 
soft hand.  Michiru locked eyes with her so that she 
could not look away.  Haruka watched as Michiru neared 
her.

"Because I love you, Ruka-chan," she pressed her lips 
against her own.  It was gentle at first, testing to 
see if she would bolt again.  When she didn't, Michiru 
released her chin to place her hand behind her head.

The exhilaration of Michiru's touch released the fires 
within that had been burning her.  Michiru's eyes 
never left her own as Haruka placed her arms around 
the girl to hold her in a loose embrace.  

Michiru drew out the kiss by gently biting on her lips.  
Haruka closed her eyes as the sensations she were 
experiencing finally overcame her.  It was too much, 
just too much for her to accept.

Michiru didn't flinched or pulled away as she drew 
her deeper into herself.  In a moment of weakness she 
found what she had been lacking all of her life.  
Others may have loved her, but none of them had ever 
wanted to be her lover.  The thought caused her to 
pause briefly to smile before engaging Michiru again.

They broke free of each other after several moments of 
being together.

Haruka let herself completely relax against Michiru.  
"Michiru?"

"Hmm, Haruka?"  she purred.

"Don't leave me alone."

Out in the living room, the phone rang.  Haruka didn't 
move to answer it.  She had been ignoring it all week, 
once more wouldn't matter.

"You have reached the phone of Ten'ou Haruka.  I am 
gone at the moment.  Please leave a message at the 
tone."

"Haruka, dammit!  I'm still at the track, my car broke 
down.  You lucked out this time.  But I had better see 
you tomorrow, or I'll have the entire team on your 
doorstep quicker than you can spit.  You hear me?"  
Yamagata yelled at someone in the background.  The 
phone was hung up at that point.

*****

Haruka pulled up to the garage in her sports car.  She 
got out of the driver's side and walked around to open 
up the door for the passenger.  Michiru nodded her 
thanks to her as she got out of the car.

Haruka led her into the garage.  She yelled over the 
roar of the impact gun Yamagata was using.

"What?"  He yelled in response and turned around.  At 
seeing her he stood up and wiped his hands off with a 
shop towel.

"You said you wanted to see me?"  She smiled cockily at 
him.  "This is my friend Kaioh Michiru-san," she 
introduced.

"A pleasure to meet you."  He bowed slightly.  She was 
a classy girl, the type that grease monkeys like him 
could only dream of meeting in real life.

"I was wondering if it would be alright for me to take 
her out onto the track and show her how to race?"

"Eh?  You trust this rascal?"  He grinned to show his
jest.

"Completely," Michiru answered in all honesty.

"Yeah, you can take her out.  There should be a suit 
in the lockers that will fit her.  Hiyama, come help 
this lady find a suit," he called out to the lad 
nearby.

Hiyama took Michiru over to the lockers while he 
pulled Haruka into his office for a talk.

"Yamagata, I don't want to leave Michiru --" she began 
to protest.

"She'll be fine girl.  You can trust Hiyama."  He 
looked at her.  His wrinkled face didn't reveal what 
he was thinking.  "So she's the one?"

Haruka cocked her head in confusion.  "What?"

"You've never brought any of your friends to the track 
before.  Is she the one you have been thinking about?  
The one you're in love with?"

"Yama--" she tried to explain.

"Dammit, girl, I'm not scolding you!  So she is the 
one.  I figured as much." He crossed his arms and lean 
against his desk thinking.

"What are you talking about?"  Haruka crossed her arms 
as well.  She noticed what she was doing and put her 
arms at her sides.

He laughed at her, but not because of her actions.  
"You've spent all this time trying to figure it out, 
haven't you?  Haruka, I realized that your tastes were 
different after I had thrown half the racing circuit 
at you to no avail."

"And you're not repulsed by it?"

"I can't say that it's my preference," he sighed.  
"But it would help with the sponsors if they saw you 
with your girlfriend.  She is that, isn't she?"  His 
eyes narrowed.

Haruka nodded.  "Yes, I love her very much, Yamagata."

"I can see that lass.  I'll tell the boys to keep back.  
Why don't you go show her what you do best?"

Haruka smiled at him.  It was a heart warming smile.  
Always before there was some hesitation, some sadness.  
Now, now she had found someone that filled the void 
within her.  Someone who had closed the distance...

**********( End Distant )**********

Those of you who are familiar with Tim Nolan's works 
can see that I have heavily borrowed from him.  I have 
done this with his permission.

Let me point out now what ideas I have borrowed from 
him before continuing on to why:  Haruka's father being 
a baker.  Her family being middle class and her raise 
to wealth/popularity through racing.  The head mechanic 
being named 'Yamagata' and his allowing her to race.  
Also, 'Takashi' as the sponsor's representative.  Her 
going to see a child psychologist and the ages for it, 
the bullet train ride, and her break in racing.

Why?  Well, because my introduction to the Outers was 
through 'Awakenings' and I really loved it.  I know 
that they are his ideas, but they have influenced how 
I see them and that is something that I would like to 
continue in my own works.  Tim has laid a firm 
foundation for them that I cannot resist trying to 
build upon.  He is supportive of my efforts, and I'd 
like to thank him for being so understanding and 
allowing me to do this.

I did divert some from his ideals of Haruka's parents 
attitude towards her.  To be honest, I like Tim's 
approach better, but it doesn't fit too well with my 
story.  Since (as far as I know) Haruka's family is 
never mentioned anywhere, it's an open field for 
exploration.

Some to materials I used in reference for this story 
include:  The lyrics to "Kazini Naritai"  ("I Want to 
Become the Wind").  The summary to episode 106 from 
Hitoshi Doi.  Watching S (mostly raw episodes).  And, 
of course, a printout of Tim's 'Awakenings 2' laid 
beside my keyboard during my writing of this.

Little, nit-picky points:

In episode 106, Haruka's last name on her suit is 
spelled 'Tenoh'.  But, I prefer spelling it 'Ten'ou' 
because it makes it more distinctive.  Both are 
correct spellings.

I diverted from the story of how they met at the end.  
Oh well, I like my telling better any ways ^_^;

All characters are property of their respective 
holders.  (I'm sure you realize who's are who's :)

Thanks to Tim Nolan for the above mentioned reasons
and more.  Jackie Chiang, who, with red pen in hand,
has generously given her time to check over this story
for errors.  Lord Charon for suggestions and 
encouragement.  And you all for reading this ^_^